i just really wanted to use the word vajazzling in a journal post subject line. mainly because it's fun to say - rolling off the tongue (no pun intended) like the word flabbergasted, or superfluous. but after consulting the oracle (yes, google, with a sidekick of urban dictionary just to get my facts straight) - it seems that vajazzling has been in the news, quite the controversy as of late.
one might ask - what is vajazzling, other than just a fun word to throw around at dinner parties? (sidebar: i wouldn't suggest wandering up to women at parties or in bars with a cool pick-up of "babe, you are soooooo vajazzling i just can't take my eyes off you" - this may cause imminent problems for the host, or for your genitals after impact). one might think - it's got the word "jazz" in it, it must be excellent... but this type of jazz doesn't have anything to do with miles davis or coltrane. unless that's what's on rotation on your ipod as you prepare yourself for gettin' it on.
vajazzling, to be succinct, is "The act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman's nether regions for aesthetic purposes." bedazzling your cooch. you know, if you want your private parts to sparkle like the night sky, or the glittery, glazed eyes of someone buzzing on illicit drugs. "wow, my vulva is totally tripping out right now."
for further clarification, i watched the following video about
what vajazzling entails. as seen in a tv show clip in the video,
jennifer love hewitt is a proponent of vajazzling. since i spent a portion of the afternoon today getting my lady parts checked out at the doctor (right there, i wanted to to clarify that i wasn't just pants-free, spreadeagled on the side of the road getting my hoo-ha checked out by passersby), vagina is on my mind.
and then i realized i have some issues with vajazzling. firstly, the name itself implies that you're doing something to your _vagina_. vagina seems to be the catch-all (ha!) word in popular culture for all of a female's nether-parts, but damnit, i want some accuracy. for instance, in
this article (talking about the practice of bleaching your vagina because in addition to either being too big, too floppy, or too hairy, apparently it's also too brown. seriously?), the word vagina is thrown around like clothing on an unused exercise bike in the middle of a living room. but, as i was reminded by the source that brought the article to my attention (three cheers for
Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center in Albuquerque, NM), "...just replace every 'vagina' in this article with the more accurate and delightful vulva."
so there you go. vajazzling, if done to the _vagina_, would never be seen. and it might hurt, or scratch, or get lost because those little crystals are awfully small. more apropos, then, would be to call it VUL-jazzling, or MONS-jazzling. i actually kind-of like the name monsjazzling. new dance move? "I'm doing the monsjazzle, bitches."
secondly, vajazzling may be sending the message that you have to make your vulva shiny, sparkly, or adorned with ornaments to make it special or exciting. let's face it - it's pretty damned sparkly and exciting all on its own. no glitter paint required
(remember this choice urban legend?). thirdly, i'm guessing that most women (until the trend of the sparkly christmas bush catches on) who choose to vajazzle remove most if not all of their existing pubic hair to get the full vajazzling effect. and to that end, i ask - why is there the assumption that one must look like a pre-pubescent 9 year old girl in order to be sexy? that's just damned creepy. ask hank moody. a little hair down there..."Just something that reminds me that I'm performing cunnilingus on an adult." now there's a man, with all his faults (being fictional is one of them), for whom i might consider vajazzling.
in all of my thoughts about lady parts today, i wanted to type out this post because vajazzling seems unneccessary. i'm fair and balanced like fox, so if you like the vajazzling concept, that's your prerogative, bobby brown. i like wearing earrings, and some may say that it's the same concept. but...
women need to take back their vaginas. and their vulvas. and their pubic hair. people of the world (and me, and my friends, and the media) talk about body hair, especially pubic, more than before. we laser, wax, trim, shave, cream, braid - you name it. some women spend more maintaining (or removing) the hair down there than the hair on the top of the head. grow it out, trim it, shave it - do what you want with it - but for god's sake, don't do it because you think it's ugly and it has to change. big or small, pink or brown or purple, there's some magic that goes on down below - and that magic doesn't need additional sparkles. though a little coltrane might help cast the spell. let's say it together - this time, with feeling: my vulva is phenomenal.
not to mention the fact that the vagina is a SELF-CLEANING organ. shit, that's more than i can say for my apartment.