THe One without the Turkey
So I haven't updated in awhile because basically I haven't had much to say and I haven't been on the computer that much. I broke up with ANthony about a week before my birthday and it felt good. Like having a giant tumor removed from my ass.
Now I'm going out with SHane since Nov. 2nd. It's been pretty cool so far it's just hard for me to think of him as more than a friend since for so long I've been trying not to. Funny eh?! But I can tell he really likes me which is cool. He asked me what I would say if he asked me to marry him. I told him the truth. That I would probably freak out and be speechless for awhile. And then say yes. I think I would too. He's the only guy I would even consider marrying. Other than Jeff . . . or Jonathan. I've known him for about 3 years and know everything about his life . . . which has been harder than anyone can imagine. He's always had a place in my heart and I've always just placed him in an entirely different category than other guys. Maybe that's why it is meant to be. We are so comfortable around each other. I am. I trust him completely and he has great manners and respects me and my family which is just awesome. He has a lot of qualities that I admire. And the ones I don't kind of diminish into slight problems, but thats it. Nothing big. It's kind of overwhelming for me.
I'm not afraid of being hurt by him. I know he will never ever hurt me in any way. I'm afraid of not being hurt. I don't know what thats like. I don't know what its like to be happy and content and wake up to beautiful days. And not have people fighting or hating each other and nearly ripping each other apart. I've never had that and I'm afraid of the unknown. Plus I just am not confident enough in myself yet. but I don't want to hurt him. He's the one person who I try my hardest not to hurt and back away from. It's a different kind of love. Like best friends who grow up with each other and fall inlove and get married because they are so close and comfortable with each other. It's different from Jonathan where I had those sparks and felt obsessed and went crazy if I couldn't be near him every minute or just touch him in some way. THat was being head over heels in love. THis is . . . I don't know. Best friend Love or something like that. And I have a sinking feeling that he wont be around much longer. The spots on his liver could be cancerous. So if he gets cancer then it doesn't look good. And if it turns into cancer he can't get a transplant. ANd if he can't gett a transplant . . . Well. . . then we'll see how it goes. If God forbid something should happen to him, then I want to spend as much time with him as I can and make his days happy and give him a love he's never known. I would miss him too much if he was gone. . . He's my best guy friend.
Well. . . I've got a horrendous headache which maybe a beer might help to go away. . . or sleep. I shall try both. Hope everyone had a happy thanksgiving.
"ONce on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem and he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
And read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
ANd his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a Valentine
signed with a row of X's
And he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in at night
And was always there to do it
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem
And called it "Autumn" because that was the name of the season
ANd his teacher gave him an A and asked him to
write it more clearly
ANd his mother never hung ot on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews and sometimes the would burn holes
THat was the year his siter got glasses with thick lenses
And black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her
To go see Santa CLause
ANd the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad when he cried for him to do it
Once on a paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end of the Apostle's creed went
And he caught his sister making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed or even talked
And the girl around the corner wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen"
- That's a poem from an awesome book I just read
"The Perks of Being a Wallflower"
by Stephen Chbosky
I recommend you read this. Borrow from the library or me or buy it. It's worth it.
Now I'm going out with SHane since Nov. 2nd. It's been pretty cool so far it's just hard for me to think of him as more than a friend since for so long I've been trying not to. Funny eh?! But I can tell he really likes me which is cool. He asked me what I would say if he asked me to marry him. I told him the truth. That I would probably freak out and be speechless for awhile. And then say yes. I think I would too. He's the only guy I would even consider marrying. Other than Jeff . . . or Jonathan. I've known him for about 3 years and know everything about his life . . . which has been harder than anyone can imagine. He's always had a place in my heart and I've always just placed him in an entirely different category than other guys. Maybe that's why it is meant to be. We are so comfortable around each other. I am. I trust him completely and he has great manners and respects me and my family which is just awesome. He has a lot of qualities that I admire. And the ones I don't kind of diminish into slight problems, but thats it. Nothing big. It's kind of overwhelming for me.
I'm not afraid of being hurt by him. I know he will never ever hurt me in any way. I'm afraid of not being hurt. I don't know what thats like. I don't know what its like to be happy and content and wake up to beautiful days. And not have people fighting or hating each other and nearly ripping each other apart. I've never had that and I'm afraid of the unknown. Plus I just am not confident enough in myself yet. but I don't want to hurt him. He's the one person who I try my hardest not to hurt and back away from. It's a different kind of love. Like best friends who grow up with each other and fall inlove and get married because they are so close and comfortable with each other. It's different from Jonathan where I had those sparks and felt obsessed and went crazy if I couldn't be near him every minute or just touch him in some way. THat was being head over heels in love. THis is . . . I don't know. Best friend Love or something like that. And I have a sinking feeling that he wont be around much longer. The spots on his liver could be cancerous. So if he gets cancer then it doesn't look good. And if it turns into cancer he can't get a transplant. ANd if he can't gett a transplant . . . Well. . . then we'll see how it goes. If God forbid something should happen to him, then I want to spend as much time with him as I can and make his days happy and give him a love he's never known. I would miss him too much if he was gone. . . He's my best guy friend.
Well. . . I've got a horrendous headache which maybe a beer might help to go away. . . or sleep. I shall try both. Hope everyone had a happy thanksgiving.
"ONce on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem and he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
And read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
ANd his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a Valentine
signed with a row of X's
And he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in at night
And was always there to do it
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem
And called it "Autumn" because that was the name of the season
ANd his teacher gave him an A and asked him to
write it more clearly
ANd his mother never hung ot on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews and sometimes the would burn holes
THat was the year his siter got glasses with thick lenses
And black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her
To go see Santa CLause
ANd the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad when he cried for him to do it
Once on a paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end of the Apostle's creed went
And he caught his sister making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed or even talked
And the girl around the corner wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen"
- That's a poem from an awesome book I just read
"The Perks of Being a Wallflower"
by Stephen Chbosky
I recommend you read this. Borrow from the library or me or buy it. It's worth it.