People don't care, do they?
Hi. Tara was soooo hot today. I loved the way she did her hair and i loved her pants. she is the hottest person i have ever seen. Oh well.
I feel like the man who sold the world. Tara is the world to me. She was once mine and now she is not. I feel as though i sold the world and cannot buy it back, no matter the amount of money i have. If only people knew how much she meant to me. I would live and die for her. People are , in general, assholes and could care less what they do to one another as long as they can gain something out of it. My darkest friend, i guess, is myself because i am like them in a way. All i want is tara and could care less about the damage i do to others.
If i were to fuck up with my friends then fuck up with tara, who, then, do i fall back on for help in my time of need? I now see how irrational i am and cannot erase my emotions no matter how hard i try. But there is one comforting thing about me: I can reason. I can use reason to maintain a good relationship with my friends if me and tara were to ever become friends again (which is not likely no matter how much i wish it were so).
I don't see any point in this entry because i know some time later i will say that this is stupid and i will eventually totally contadict it, but this is how i feel at the moment.
Why do people constantly beat me down? Does anyone ever stop to think, what if it were me? Not that often. My relationships with people have always been the same throughout my life. People just don't like me. It kinda sucks because i have no one to help me through my little issues. Tara helped me through alot, she seemed to be the only one who really, truly cared at the time. Now she can't stand me. Why? She doesn't really know if she can or not if she does not see for herself that i am not the same as i was before. Nobody really backs me up when i ask for favors and input even if i am right. People fail to see my logic.
I feel the world soooo empty inside of me. A void. Everything seems like nothing now and i would probably find it better if i died. But i can't leave the world without putting my word out there. So much that i want to explain before i do perish. So much i wish to tell her, and my friends. But who will listen? Who will help? No one, because i have asked everyone and got the same answer: "No." It hurts so bad. That is all i ever really feel anymore: Agony.
I know i am ugly. I know i am dumb. I know i am difficult. All i ask is that i am open to her friendship. I am something different. I have not changed everything about me, true, but i have changed everything that i did not like. I hated the fact that i change my personality constantly. That is no longer part of me. I hated the fact that i changed to impress people. i am me and not what anyone wants me to be. Those two were my biggest changes.
What the hell is the point anymore. Life's a bitch. Love blows and kills. Fuck off!
I feel like the man who sold the world. Tara is the world to me. She was once mine and now she is not. I feel as though i sold the world and cannot buy it back, no matter the amount of money i have. If only people knew how much she meant to me. I would live and die for her. People are , in general, assholes and could care less what they do to one another as long as they can gain something out of it. My darkest friend, i guess, is myself because i am like them in a way. All i want is tara and could care less about the damage i do to others.
If i were to fuck up with my friends then fuck up with tara, who, then, do i fall back on for help in my time of need? I now see how irrational i am and cannot erase my emotions no matter how hard i try. But there is one comforting thing about me: I can reason. I can use reason to maintain a good relationship with my friends if me and tara were to ever become friends again (which is not likely no matter how much i wish it were so).
I don't see any point in this entry because i know some time later i will say that this is stupid and i will eventually totally contadict it, but this is how i feel at the moment.
Why do people constantly beat me down? Does anyone ever stop to think, what if it were me? Not that often. My relationships with people have always been the same throughout my life. People just don't like me. It kinda sucks because i have no one to help me through my little issues. Tara helped me through alot, she seemed to be the only one who really, truly cared at the time. Now she can't stand me. Why? She doesn't really know if she can or not if she does not see for herself that i am not the same as i was before. Nobody really backs me up when i ask for favors and input even if i am right. People fail to see my logic.
I feel the world soooo empty inside of me. A void. Everything seems like nothing now and i would probably find it better if i died. But i can't leave the world without putting my word out there. So much that i want to explain before i do perish. So much i wish to tell her, and my friends. But who will listen? Who will help? No one, because i have asked everyone and got the same answer: "No." It hurts so bad. That is all i ever really feel anymore: Agony.
I know i am ugly. I know i am dumb. I know i am difficult. All i ask is that i am open to her friendship. I am something different. I have not changed everything about me, true, but i have changed everything that i did not like. I hated the fact that i change my personality constantly. That is no longer part of me. I hated the fact that i changed to impress people. i am me and not what anyone wants me to be. Those two were my biggest changes.
What the hell is the point anymore. Life's a bitch. Love blows and kills. Fuck off!