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I went for two years without being in a relationship with anybody. The other day I was thinking back on this stretch of time, and the guys who had asked me out but I turned down. One of them was a quasi-friend from high school. Another was a guy I'd known since kindergarten. I was also thinking of a guy at my college I'd liked, who I hit it off with at first meeting, but who then ignored me every subsequent time we met, and wound up dating one of my best friends.
That stung. In a way it still does.
Then I remembered one day last year when I was hanging out with a friend who lived in the same dorm as me. He'd just broken up with his girlfriend--or she'd broken up with him, I can't recall--and he was down, so I was trying to cheer him up, so I was willingly watching a pro wrestling match with him, and adding in my usual commentary. I'm very ticklish, so whenever I was particularly smartass I got a poke to the ribs, which would shut me up for about two minutes. At one point I made a particularly snide wisecrack and wound up defending myself throughout the entirety of the commercial break.
We wound up leaning on each other, pretty breathless. "What do you think of this?" he said. I was confused. He clarified: "This. You and me?" I went to Defcon 1. Like a sensible person who has learned the hard way, I don't date people on the rebound. I mildly told him that, given his very recent break-up, it didn't seem like a good idea, and he should wait a while and think about it and then maybe ask again. At the end of the show I went back to my room, and perplexedly spilled the whole story to my roommate. The next day he came by and apologized for possibly making me uncomfortable, and everything was fine. We didn't end up dating but we did remain friends.
But I forgot about it. Completely and utterly. I don't know what triggered the remembering, but I had completely forgotten about that day, and him. I felt so guilty for that, like I'd been a terrible friend who obviously didn't value him enough. And I still haven't made up my mind as to whether that's what I really am.
That stung. In a way it still does.
Then I remembered one day last year when I was hanging out with a friend who lived in the same dorm as me. He'd just broken up with his girlfriend--or she'd broken up with him, I can't recall--and he was down, so I was trying to cheer him up, so I was willingly watching a pro wrestling match with him, and adding in my usual commentary. I'm very ticklish, so whenever I was particularly smartass I got a poke to the ribs, which would shut me up for about two minutes. At one point I made a particularly snide wisecrack and wound up defending myself throughout the entirety of the commercial break.
We wound up leaning on each other, pretty breathless. "What do you think of this?" he said. I was confused. He clarified: "This. You and me?"
I went to Defcon 1. Like a sensible person who has learned the hard way, I don't date people on the rebound. I mildly told him that, given his very recent break-up, it didn't seem like a good idea, and he should wait a while and think about it and then maybe ask again. At the end of the show I went back to my room, and perplexedly spilled the whole story to my roommate. The next day he came by and apologized for possibly making me uncomfortable, and everything was fine. We didn't end up dating but we did remain friends.
But I forgot about it. Completely and utterly. I don't know what triggered the remembering, but I had completely forgotten about that day, and him. I felt so guilty for that, like I'd been a terrible friend who obviously didn't value him enough. And I still haven't made up my mind as to whether that's what I really am.
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