Fic: "Only You" (Dom/Billy, December 2001, London)
Title: Only You
Authors: unstealthy and msilverstar
Pairing: Dom/Billy
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Completely untrue, absolute fiction.
Summary: The excitement of the very first premiere makes anything seem possible. This section follows The Cost of a Dream.
Note: For all fics in this universe in chronological order, please see the Push-Pull-Push Master List.
London FOTR premiere, December 2001
It's like nothing Dom's ever known. Yes, he was excited for this evening, excited to be in a familiar place with familiar people, doing something incredibly unfamiliar -- walking a red carpet, with fans and press and an assault on his senses like he's never known. He's only had a couple of vodkas, but feels as high as a kite. Elijah and Billy are hugging him, everyone's hugging him. "The crowds! They're screaming for us, Billy!"
Billy's never felt anything like the weight of the attention they're getting either, screams that buffet them like gusts of wind. "They're utterly mad!" he says, feeling like one of the Beatles. He'd known the film would be big, but this is daunting: it feels oddly like one of the battle scenes they'd filmed. He turns at someone's call, but it's not a castmate, it's one of the fans in the crowd, and flashbulbs blind him as he forces a smile onto his face. "Dom," he says, "some of them know our names!"
"Bloody amazing!" Dom's signing autograph after autograph. At one point a hand grabs his and squeezes it hard; Billy, Elijah, Orlando, he's no idea who. Once they get inside the cinema they're all brimming over with it, chattering and laughing. Finally, they're in the dark and quiet of the auditorium and the familiar words and music are playing, but the screen is huge. Dom's never seen his face that big before. Never felt this big before. He turns to Billy, sitting beside him. "They wanted us, didn't they?" he whispers. "The girls outside."
Elbowing Dom gently, Billy whispers back, "Don't be a wanker, they've no clue who really we are. Next to Elijah and Viggo (when he turns the sex on), and Sean Bean, who'll ever notice us?"
"I always notice you," Dom murmurs, unable to stop himself.
"Yeah, well," Billy says, "you're you." But he doesn't pull away when Dom's hand reaches for his.
Dom's heart gives a lurch, hope making his breath catch and his pulse-rate increase. "Please, let's talk later? After the bloody party?" he whispers in Billy's ear, squeezing Billy's hand.
~~
There are cheers and applause and standing ovations, a huge wave of relief buoying up Billy and the cast, perhaps even more so Pete and Fran and the producers. They've done it, all together, made a film that truly works. Billy's carried along with the crowd to a party (he's no real idea where), and his glass of champagne never seems to empty, no matter how much he drinks. He drifts along, hugging everybody, in a state of elation.
Finally, Billy finds himself in a quiet corner with Dom, both of them dazed into a glassy-eyed stupor by the event. The two of them smile and chat with the people who wander by, and it's more than comforting for Billy to be part of a team again, to know Dom will chime in when he falters: the old rhythms are still with them. When they're finally left alone, Billy turns to Dom and says, "Fuck, I've missed doing that." He makes a circle with his hand and knows Dom understands.
It's a bad time to talk, but there's so much Dom needs to say, and it starts to spill out. "I'm sorry, Bill. I'm sorry, I don't know what to do," he says, feeling helpless, knowing it's not what Billy wants to hear. "All I know is I miss you like bloody hell but I can't come back to this country for good."
Blinking at Dom's revelations , Billy says, "Erm?" He rubs his face a little, and sighs from the bottom of his lungs. "I've not had enough to drink to have this conversation."
Dom kicks himself for his timing. Crap, as usual. "D'you wanna go back to the hotel?" He cups Billy's elbow with his hand.
Billy does wanna. But he'd better not, given that there are a several hundred London theatre and film people here. He says, "Not yet, there're people I must talk to, network with, show the flag and all. While they're still noticing me." That he has learned: they'll forget him in five days. It's not like Glasgow.
"Okay, let me get you a drink then?" Dom doesn't want this moment to slip from his grasp.
Fortification sounds good, and champagne, no matter how expensive, doesn't fortify very well. Billy tells Dom he'd like a whisky, single-malt if they have it, and turns to find the producer who is planning some film about a bike racer.
"Coming right up." Dom squeezes Billy's arm, but the moment is past and he wanders off feeling hopeless.
~~
If it weren't for the limos coming to pick them up, everyone might have stayed till morning, afraid to miss something important. Billy has a suspicion it was Fran that arranged that, and it's confirmed when he sees her directing some of the drivers. He hugs her and is gratified when she hugs back, relaxing a bit in his arms. "I'll go with Dom," he offers, thinking that they might as well, they're going the same place.
Fran smiles up at him, saying, "Ta Billy, one fewer to organise. Though I'm still a bit worried about Dom, take care of him, will you?" That sends a pang through Billy, but he can't tell Fran they've broken up, he can't really tell anyone.
So he nods and lets himself be ushered into the back of a very long car along with Dom, and driven back to the hotel, chatting about the evening and the films and all, through the lobby and up the lift and into the very nice suite the film company has rented for him.
~~
Settling down in the comfortable sofa, Billy eases his shoes off and rests his feet on the glass coffee table. The silence rings a little in his ears, as he turns to Dom and says, "Tell me how you're truly doing, Dom, what do you have coming up?
Dom's poking around in the fridge, looking for a nightcap. "There's been a few auditions. And you know I did that stupid film in New York to help out a mate. I'm doing a bit better, especially with the films being released." Pulling out two beers, he turns to Billy and grins. "Even getting my teeth straightened, look!" He opens his mouth wide, chin to chest, displaying the braces on the backs of his lower teeth.
"Not a bad idea, that," Billy says, surprised at his own surprise. No one will ever feel Dom's crooked teeth in a kiss again. "Unless you take it too far," he adds, thinking of people who've lost the character in their faces with nose jobs and eye lifts.
"Getting them put on was the kind of pain I really don't like." Dom grins again as he crosses the room and hands Billy a beer, flopping down beside him on the couch.
That kind of joke is too intimate to Billy to take lightly, so he shifts uncomfortably and tries to think about something else. He says, "Ta," for the beer, and tells Dom, "I'm up for a film to be shot in Mexico, in Baja."
"Cool!" Dom didn't miss Billy's momentary discomfort, but chooses to ignore it. "I think I remember you saying you were up for it, but not that you'd got it. Any more details?"
Grimacing a little at 'cool', which seems terribly American though it probably isn't, Billy answers, "Not signed yet, it's a period film, about our Navy, Nelson and all that."
"Who else is involved? Anyone I know?" Dom's anxious to get past the small talk, but doesn't want to rush Billy. "I think Orli's up for a pirate film, too! You should compare notes."
Billy waves off the thought of Orlando, and says, "The director's Peter Weir, who's fantastic, and it's Russell Crowe's film, from a book series, something like Hornblower." He speaks automatically, distracted because he's finally getting a good look at Dom, and he can't stop looking at Dom's body, his hands, his neck...
"You'll ace it, mate." Dom swallows beer and sprawls on the couch, hyper-aware of Billy's eyes raking his body. "I'm still totally psyched about that crowd in Leicester Square."
Nodding, Billy looks at Dom's leather cuff. "You're still wearing that," he says, remembering the day they bought it.
Pleased Billy noticed, Dom tugs his shirt sleeve back to display it better. "Of course I am." He loosens his tie a bit, and meets Billy's gaze as he fiddles with the cuff, wishing he could read what was in Billy's face.
"How many..." Billy starts, and stops, because he doesn't want to know that. He can't stop looking at Dom's cuff, Dom's strong wrist underneath. His mouth aches for the taste of Dom's skin, but he pushes that away. "So, Dom, what have you been doing lately?"
"Oh, you know." Dom fiddles with the cuff, feeling Billy's eyes on him. "Getting ready for all these premieres we'll be attending. Seeing quite a lot of Lij."
That's awkward. Billy's never quite figured out Elijah. He takes a long drink from his bottle and then says, "Seeing him."
Oh god. Billy seems to read something into everything. "Yeah, I mean. He helped me buy the car. And now I'm not living at his place any more..." Dom frowns, and decides to be slightly more direct. "Nothing going on, Bill. We're just mates."
There's a devil driving Billy, making him keep at at Dom, like picking at a scab and making himself bleed. "Are you seeing anybody?"
Why are you doing this? "Nah, no-one of note." Dom keeps his tone casual. "What about you?" He's not sure whether he actually wants to know.
"Me? No, no one, not since pickups in New Zealand," Billy says, the truth startled out of him. His Gran was dying, and dealing with that took every moment of his time for a month and more. Since then, Billy's found ways of keeping so busy that he's barely had time to sleep, much less pull.
Dom finds this hard to believe. Billy's always been such... well, a ladies' man. "No-one at all?"
"I've been busy," Billy says shortly.
The tone is noted. "Okay, sorry." Billy looks delectable. Dom wonders if he can seduce him. He shifts slightly closer to Billy on the couch and goes straight for the kill, saying quietly, "Missed you. Can't tell you how many times I've wanked, thinking about you."
Billy can't believe Dom's trying that on now, his low voice and his body saying exactly what he's thinking. Shaking his head, Billy says, "You could have come, just to visit, when I asked."
"You could have come to visit me." Dom feels unjustly accused. "I thought you didn't want me."
"Of course I wanted you. As if I could ever stop being your friend, your mate." Billy rubs at his eyes, they shouldn't be doing this now, running on fumes and adrenaline, but now that they've started, they have to finish.
"I know that much..." Dom's really not sure how they got here. He leans forward, elbows on knees, face in hands, feeling utterly lost. "Bill, I'm a screw-up, you know that more than anyone. But I've got to see this LA thing through. I can't give up and confirm that I'm a complete and utter failure."
It's haunting Billy, the fear that Dom will turn on himself if he doesn't get stardom, A-list, millions of dollars per film: that Dom will compare his to Orlando's career. "You're not a screw-up Dom, and I didn't say you had to come back home for good, I know you're too stubborn to do that. But to visit."
That's a ray of hope, at least. Dom looks up. "Things are a bit mad for the next month or two... then I think my agent wants me to do some auditions." He grins hopefully. "But what if I plan to come and visit you in Mexico? Would that work?"
Would Dom at least listen? Billy answers, "No sense counting chickens before they're hatched. The part's not mine yet."
"Oh, sorry, I thought you said..." Dom sighs, deflating again. "Got it wrong." He moves a bit closer to Billy, unable to help himself.
The heat of Dom's skin, the smell of him is intoxicating (even mixed with scents of clove cigarettes and beer and sweat). Billy closes his eyes and tries to get his brain back in working order.
Dom can feel Billy caving, trying to rein himself in. He decides to exploit this loophole, and so leans with his mouth close to Billy's ear, and puts on his best sex voice. "Missed touching you."
"Dom," Billy says, setting his jaw against the temptation to just turn and kiss him, "fuck, I don't know..."
It's not 'no', so Dom continues murmuring. "I'm yours, always will be. Just want to make you feel good, make it up to you for making you feel shitty, I'm so sorry, Bill." Since he's so close and unable to stop himself, Dom presses a kiss to Billy's neck and nuzzles, breathing in Billy's scent and sighing.
Billy wants Dom so much that he's about to explode, but he shouldn't give in, he knows that. "Not now, not like this," he says, his voice rasping out of his throat.
Feeling like crying, Dom pulls away. "Sorry. Sorry. I just... god, Bill." He thumps his knee.
Hands in fists, Billy blurts out, "What, Dom? What will you give up for me? What will you do?"
"Give up for you? What?" Confused and frustrated, Dom swallows his tears.
"I dunno," Billy half-shouts, "What am I to you? A mate you shag? A friend who gives you a hand when we meet up? A handy fuck?"
Dom's completely stunned that this is what Billy thinks. "How can you say that?"
Billy's lost all his self-control, "I say that because haven't seen you in five months. I don't know who you are now, I don't know any more."
Wounded, Dom can't think of a suitable retort. "Are you deliberately trying to hurt me as much as possible? Is that what this is about? Because it's fucking working," he says angrily.
"Do you think it's enough to just float back into my life, do you expect everything to be skittles and beer?" Billy asks, though he doesn't want to know the answer.
"Forget it, Bill. Just forget it. Really. If you think that's what I expect, then you don't know anything about me. Just forget it." Dom stands. "I'm going to find Lij, he's easier to live with." He's shaking, hurt far beyond the capacity he thought Billy had to hurt him.
Watching Dom leave, Billy says bitterly, "Well of course he's easier, he's in bloody LA." He lifts his whisky glass and mutters into it, "But he doesn't love you like I do."
Halfway to the door, Dom stops dead in his tracks and clenches his fists. He drops his chin to his chest, breathing hard, a tight band around his heart. "Bill, I don't know what to do!"
"Fuck if I know," Billy says. He hates this, hates Dom for leaving him, hates himself for caring.
Dom turns and kneels in front of Billy, his hands on Billy's knees, not knowing what to say or why he's there. "Please."
"Please what, please beat you? I can't, not now." Billy's mind says 'no' but his body is saying yes, reacting to Dom's presence as though nothing was wrong. Gritting his teeth, pulling back to keep from touching Dom, Billy anticipates Dom's objection and says, "No, nor shag you, nor anything like that."
Dom's well aware that Billy's responding to him, and feeling like there's nothing to lose, lays his head on Billy's lap. "I can't imagine leaving this room without making love to you," he murmurs.
Hands in fists, Billy says, "I hate it, being away from you all the time, it's not enough." His chest wrenches as he thinks about Dom leaving again. "I know it should be all right, most people don't have what we have..."
His head still on Billy's lap, Dom reaches up and covers one of Billy's fists with his hand. He sighs. "I never thought I'd have what I've got with you."
"It's just, I miss you so fucking much, Dom. When I turn to you, you're not there." There's a hole in Billy's life and it's so much harder to take than he thought.
"I'm here now, Bill." Dom strokes his thumb over Billy's fist. "We're together right now, that's all that matters."
"Is it?" Billy finds that he wants to be convinced.
"Yeah..." Dom shifts, nuzzles Billy's legs a bit and sighs. Nothing seems to matter now. "Love you so much, want to make you feel good, want to be close. Need you."
Billy wavers, "I shouldn't." His fingers are holding Dom's hands so hard that he can feel the fine bones beneath the skin. "But I can't not. I'm addicted to you."
"Me too." Dom uncurls Billy's fist and weaves their fingers together He lifts his head and looks up at Billy. "Please, Bill."
Bending down to rest his head against Dom's, Billy closes his eyes again. It feels so good.
"Love you, Bill. Love you so much." Dom kisses Billy's forehead.
"I'm just being a big girl's blouse," Billy says.
Dom kneels up, wraps his arms around Billy and holds him close. It feels so right. "I've got you."
Sagging against Dom, Billy's not sure if he's in love or just so tired he can't think rationally any more.
The tight band around Dom's heart seems to ease as he breathes in the scent of Billy's hair. "Wanna go to bed?" He smiles against Billy's cheek. "To sleep, I mean."
Gratefully, Billy nods, saying, "I'm completely wrung out, I'd no idea the premiere would be such a madhouse."
"I'll rub your back, and I won't be offended if you fall asleep." Dom strokes Billy's hair, just grateful of what chance he can get to touch Billy.
"My shoulders do feel as though they've been heaving rocks all day," Billy says, twisting his back. It's a little odd to have Dom taking care of him, but a nice kind of odd.
Standing, Dom tugs Billy's hands. "Come over here. Take your tie off, but you can leave your shirt on if you like." He leads Billy to the bed, not daring to hope that there might be any more than massage, cuddling and sleep.
Billy follows Dom's lead, moving to the other room, unbuttoning his shirt but deciding at the last moment to leave it on. He lies down on his stomach, sighing at how very very good it is to be horizontal.
Seeing Billy lying waiting on the bed like that makes Dom grin. He yanks his tie off and climbs on to the bed, straddling Billy's hips and starting to massage his shoulders. "That good?"
The weight of Dom's body on Billy's arse is unexpected. It sets Billy's nerves singing with the pleasure of it, and he has to keep his hips still, instead of pushing up against Dom's crotch, rubbing and grinding. "It's fine," he tells Dom.
Billy's gone a bit rigid under Dom, and so Dom presses hard on the knots in his back. "God, you're tense. Relax, mate."
Whenever anyone says to relax, it gets on Billy's nerves. He lies still and says, "It's been that kind of week. We aren't all complete camera whores, you know."
"Relax your brain, too," Dom chuckles. "Close your eyes." Squeezing Billy's shoulders, Dom goes into sex voice mode. "Think of something restful. A roaring fire and a glass of Scotch."
"It's not easy with you sitting on my arse," Billy says.
Dom's stung at the irritability in Billy's tone, and swings his leg over to kneel beside Billy. "You're determined to hate me, aren't you?"
Billy turns, surprised. "I'm not! to resist you, more like."
Defeated, Dom lies down beside Billy. "I don't know what to do, Bill."
Rubbing his thumb across his lips, Billy looks at Dom and feels his defenses crumbling. "I can't escape you even if I wanted to, the which I don't, not really.
Dom strokes Billy's hair and trails his fingertips over Billy's neck. "I love you."
"Ah, love you too," Billy says, relieved to finally relent. He thinks about Dom's proclivities and babbles a little, asking "What will we do, when we're apart? Will you, would you, play it safe?"
Feeling safer, if a little confused, Dom moves close. "What d'you mean?" He rests his forehead against Billy's, gazing into Billy's eyes.
It's not clear, not to Billy at any rate, but he tries, "Would you... not put yourself in places where you could get hurt? And save something for me, not that I just want that, kinky sex, but I don't like to imagine... I'm a bit jealous about you."
"God, I..." Billy's words make Dom dare to hope. "There's a huge part of me that's only for you. You were the first." He grins. "With the kinky stuff, the pain stuff, I mean. It wouldn't be the same with someone else." Being this close to Billy, it's almost unbearable not to be able to touch him. Dom lapses into silence, staring into Billy's eyes for a few seconds. Eventually, he whispers, "God, I want to kiss you."
Startled from thinking about what Dom's done and with whom, Billy looks up. He reaches for Dom's face, pulls him in like a drowning man finding a float, and kisses Dom with all the desire he's resisting for hours, months even.
Sobbing with relief into the kiss, Dom kisses back, whimpering and clutching at Billy. Billy's tongue pushes into his mouth, both of Billy's hands cupping Dom's head and preventing Dom from pulling away. Desperately, Dom pushes up the back of Billy's shirt, wanting to feel skin; he needs to breathe, but is afraid to break the spell.
Billy won't let go when he ought, he keeps kissing until he can't stand it any more, until breath is finally more important.
Finally, Dom breaks the kiss to take a breath and presses his forehead to Billy's. "Bill..."
"Dom, I don't know if we can do this. It might fuck us up worse than before." There's a hard twist in the bottom of Billy's stomach and a lump in his throat, just thinking about the future.
The tone of Billy's voice makes Dom scared. "Please don't say that." His chest is heaving, he wants so much but is scared of hurting both of them, of screwing things up permanently.
Mouth still feeling Dom's kiss, Billy strokes Dom's shoulder, saying, "Why do you think I've been rabbiting on about it? So easy to fuck up, hard to do properly"
Dom smiles ruefully. "Like all of life." He cups Billy's jaw with his hand and strokes his thumb over Billy's bottom lip.
With a little groan, Billy says, "I've missed you." He tangles his fingers in Dom's hair and pulls Dom's head back a bit to get at his neck. Licking and nibbling at the skin there, he says, "Missed you so bloody much."
There's nothing for Dom to do but close his eyes and enjoy. "Missed you too, he says, then yelps as Billy's teeth dig in a bit. "I hope you're not going to be a tease," he grins, even though Billy can't see his face.
Billy snorts into Dom's neck, and takes the challenge, "Perhaps I ought to, tie you up, make you wait until morning..."
"I'll yell until someone comes to rescue me." Really, Dom's just so happy that Billy's even joking about it, and rubs his crotch against Billy.
Dom has Billy's number, there's no escaping it. Billy slides a hand inside Dom's shirt to tweak his nipple and murmurs, "You want to be rescued?"
"Only by you," Dom answers in what he hopes is a soft, sexy voice.
"God, Dom..." Billy pulls Dom close for another kiss, his whole body desperate to feel Dom, to taste him and rub up against him and fuck him thoroughly.
Responding instinctively, Dom sucks greedily on Billy's tongue. Nervous, but unable to help himself, he slides his palm over Billy's hip to the bulge in Billy's trousers.
Billy pushes into Dom's hand, he clenches Dom's side and shoulder, his tongue deep in Dom's mouth. He'd like to stay like this for hours, forever.
Moaning, Dom clumsily tries to undo Billy's trousers, fails, and has to break off the kiss. "Sorry, fuck..." He concentrates and finally manages to undo the button and zip and work his hand inside, rubbing Billy's cock through his boxers.
After a few moments, reality trumping memory by a long shot, Billy groans, "No, no, not yet, I'll come in my pants, I wanta feel you."
"Yeah, please." Dom's panting hard, but manages to undo his own trousers and push them down, then tugs at Billy's shirt buttons. "Want you naked and on top of me or in me or both or..." He's babbling in desperation now.
Dom's voice, liquid sex, hits Billy deep inside. "Yeah, God yeah" he says, pulling down his own trousers, tossing them on a chair so they're not too crumpled. His hands go back to Dom's body, deeply familiar and yet not quite as he's remembered, not sure how much of that is LA and how much is his memory going to mush.
It's as much as Dom's shaking hands can do to pull off his shirt and trousers, and then at last he's plastered skin-to-skin with Billy, hands clutching and groping, mouths seeking each other, hips pressing together wantonly. "Fuck me, please," Dom mutters, wanting pain but too afraid to ask for it.
Billy's hand snakes down between their bodies to Dom's cock, to his own, groaning at the touch. "I didn't bring anything," he admits. Billy was so sure that Dom would be lost to him, and that he could resist Dom if tempted.
"Nothing?" Dom laughs ruefully. "You were that sure you weren't going to pull?"
"Ehm," Billy says, "it's been a while." He rubs their cocks together gently, and his eyes close as he sinks into the sensations. It's as much Dom's arms round him as the pleasure from his cock that has Billy trembling and biting his lip.
"C'm'ere," Dom says, rolling on to his back and tugging Billy with him. Now Billy's lying on top of him, still holding both their cocks together. Dom hooks his legs over Billy's, rocking his hips. "This is good. Being close."
Groaning as Dom rocks up against him, Billy nuzzles Dom's neck, sucking and biting gently at the places he knows drive Dom mad. He's wanting to bring Dom along with him, to make him moan and feel him lose control. He must do it quickly, because Billy's about to come like a lad, ridiculously quickly.
Dom gasps as Billy's teeth on his neck seem to tug on his cock and deep in his balls. His hands slide over Billy's back, feeling smooth muscle, to his arse, where they grope and knead the firm flesh. "Oh god, Bill, miss you," he moans.
"Dom," Billy growls, moving his hand faster, pushing his hips harder against Dom, "I'm here. Even if it's a bloody bad idea, I'm here." He nips at Dom's collarbone, sucks at the skin in the dip above the bone, savouring Dom's taste and the way he jerks at every touch.
There aren't any more words, nothing more he can say that will tell Billy how much Dom needs him, nothing apart from moans and gasps and thrusts of his hips, pushing his cock into Billy's hand. There's no part of him that doesn't belong to Billy, it's as if Dom's no longer his own person. His hips pulse frantically, seeking the orgasm he knows is right there, wanting Billy to make him come.
Watching Dom give over, feeling him shout desire with every movement, reminds Billy exactly why he fell in love to begin with. "Yes," he moans, meeting Dom's hip with his own, "so fucking beautiful, my Dom."
Finally, Dom tumbles over the edge with a shout, clutching at Billy, gasping his name as the world around him closes in on itself.
Billy moans as Dom comes, loosens his self-control and comes against Dom's skin. It's a release and a relief and an overwhelming pleasure.
When Dom comes to, Billy is a dead weight sprawled on him. "Hey," he whispers.
"Hey," Billy says, propping himself up on his arm. "God, I missed you."
"Me too. Missed you, I mean." Dom grins happily. "I think we need a shower."
Dom's far too wound up to sleep now. Billy discovers that he doesn't want to sleep, not now, and they repair to the enormous shower cubicle of the hotel bathroom where they soap each other up, giggling like a couple of schoolboys. There are two thick towelling robes on a shelf, and once rinsed off, they wrap themselves up in them and curl up on the couch, Dom with a vodka and cranberry and Billy with a whisky. Dom is supremely content, but he knows Billy's got stuff to say still.
"I don't want to be without this when we're together," Dom says, breathing in the scent of soap from Billy's skin and hair.
This premiere has taught Billy that if he's near Dom, he shan't be able to keep his hands off Dom. So he gives Dom a bit of a squeeze and says, "You've won me over, I surrender."
"Really?" Dom slips his hand into Billy's robe and strokes Billy's furry chest. "What about all that stuff you said earlier?"
"You must promise to come back for visits," Billy says, "and I'll go to LA. It's a nice enough place to visit..." Dom chimes in when he finishes, "but I wouldn't want to live there." Billy's mouth quirks: how could he reject the one person in the world who really can finish his sentences?
"Of course I'll come back to visit, I can't live without you, at least not permanently." Dom smiles, pressing his face into Billy's neck. He feels so safe, content and happy, being held by Billy's warm solidity. "I've been talking to Viggo about... stuff. About how I like being hurt, you know? Whether it's just you, or a general weird kinky thing I've got going on." Dom sighs. "He introduced me to a couple of people."
It's a terrible cliché, Billy knows, but he can't help himself, his body turning rigid as he tries not to imagine too vividly what Dom did next. He has no standing to complain, Billy himself had explored the whole BDSM lifestyle a bit back in the spring, reading up on this kind of thing, finding some clubs in London and testing it out with some willing bodies. But thinking about Dom and pain and anyone else at all ties Billy's belly up in terrible knots.
The sudden tension in Billy's body is unmistakable. "Hey," Dom says softly, twisting around to see Billy's face. "What's up?"
"What did you do with those people?" Billy asks. If Viggo vetted them, they can't be complete nutters. But this is why he wants to keep Dom close by, so he doesn't have to go to a stranger for what he needs.
Something in Dom is a bit pleased that Billy's jealous. On the other hand, Dom doesn't want to think about Billy doing what they've done with anyone else, either. "Not much, just a bit of this and that." He strokes Billy's chest again. "Please, don't worry, don't think about it, it doesn't mean anything."
Billy knows an evasion, and asks, "How much? How... intense? What do you need, Dom, when I'm away?"
"Do you really want to know all the details?" Dom frowns. "It really, honestly was just experimentation, wondering whether I just wanted you to hurt me or whether it was, you know, something in me."
"What did you find out, after all that?"
Dom sighs. "That it's mostly you. That I enjoy a certain amount of it just for its own sake, but mostly I want it from you." He kisses Billy's chest. "Does that make you feel better?"
Billy unknots a bit, at that. "Yeah, it does," he says. "It's thinking of anyone else hurting you," and that makes his mouth terribly dry, as he goes on, "I want to kill them. In really horrific ways."
That's something Dom understands. If anyone hurt Billy... "It's not like with you. Maybe some spanking, bondage... not the heavier stuff." He hopes he's being reassuring, but can feel Billy's heart racing.
What Dom's offering is something, really quite a lot. But even that, even letting go of Dom so far as to let someone else tie him up, makes Billy's heart pound again. And spanking, fuck, that's so intimate; Billy sighs and shifts at the thought.
Billy's obviously still stressed. Dom kisses him and slips a palm between Billy's thighs, warm and comforting. "Lots of people are into a bit of bondage," he points out. "It means nothing. I can't imagine anyone else..." His voice drops to a whisper, "...anyone else beating or flogging me."
After their break, it's hard enough for Billy to think of himself doing those things to Dom, much less anyone else. Except his libido, which seems to be delighted by the idea. He leans against Dom's head, and asks, very quietly, "Save that for me?"
"Yeah, only you." Dom kisses Billy again, to seal the deal.
Billy wraps his arms round Dom to pull him closer, kissing him tenderly. "I'll always be careful, always take care of you."
"I know you will." Dom tugs Billy's robe open, wanting more intimacy. "Love you."
"Love you," Billy says, smiling as Dom leans close again, holding him tightly, "I'm completely fucking addicted to you."
Authors: unstealthy and msilverstar
Pairing: Dom/Billy
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Completely untrue, absolute fiction.
Summary: The excitement of the very first premiere makes anything seem possible. This section follows The Cost of a Dream.
Note: For all fics in this universe in chronological order, please see the Push-Pull-Push Master List.
London FOTR premiere, December 2001
It's like nothing Dom's ever known. Yes, he was excited for this evening, excited to be in a familiar place with familiar people, doing something incredibly unfamiliar -- walking a red carpet, with fans and press and an assault on his senses like he's never known. He's only had a couple of vodkas, but feels as high as a kite. Elijah and Billy are hugging him, everyone's hugging him. "The crowds! They're screaming for us, Billy!"
Billy's never felt anything like the weight of the attention they're getting either, screams that buffet them like gusts of wind. "They're utterly mad!" he says, feeling like one of the Beatles. He'd known the film would be big, but this is daunting: it feels oddly like one of the battle scenes they'd filmed. He turns at someone's call, but it's not a castmate, it's one of the fans in the crowd, and flashbulbs blind him as he forces a smile onto his face. "Dom," he says, "some of them know our names!"
"Bloody amazing!" Dom's signing autograph after autograph. At one point a hand grabs his and squeezes it hard; Billy, Elijah, Orlando, he's no idea who. Once they get inside the cinema they're all brimming over with it, chattering and laughing. Finally, they're in the dark and quiet of the auditorium and the familiar words and music are playing, but the screen is huge. Dom's never seen his face that big before. Never felt this big before. He turns to Billy, sitting beside him. "They wanted us, didn't they?" he whispers. "The girls outside."
Elbowing Dom gently, Billy whispers back, "Don't be a wanker, they've no clue who really we are. Next to Elijah and Viggo (when he turns the sex on), and Sean Bean, who'll ever notice us?"
"I always notice you," Dom murmurs, unable to stop himself.
"Yeah, well," Billy says, "you're you." But he doesn't pull away when Dom's hand reaches for his.
Dom's heart gives a lurch, hope making his breath catch and his pulse-rate increase. "Please, let's talk later? After the bloody party?" he whispers in Billy's ear, squeezing Billy's hand.
~~
There are cheers and applause and standing ovations, a huge wave of relief buoying up Billy and the cast, perhaps even more so Pete and Fran and the producers. They've done it, all together, made a film that truly works. Billy's carried along with the crowd to a party (he's no real idea where), and his glass of champagne never seems to empty, no matter how much he drinks. He drifts along, hugging everybody, in a state of elation.
Finally, Billy finds himself in a quiet corner with Dom, both of them dazed into a glassy-eyed stupor by the event. The two of them smile and chat with the people who wander by, and it's more than comforting for Billy to be part of a team again, to know Dom will chime in when he falters: the old rhythms are still with them. When they're finally left alone, Billy turns to Dom and says, "Fuck, I've missed doing that." He makes a circle with his hand and knows Dom understands.
It's a bad time to talk, but there's so much Dom needs to say, and it starts to spill out. "I'm sorry, Bill. I'm sorry, I don't know what to do," he says, feeling helpless, knowing it's not what Billy wants to hear. "All I know is I miss you like bloody hell but I can't come back to this country for good."
Blinking at Dom's revelations , Billy says, "Erm?" He rubs his face a little, and sighs from the bottom of his lungs. "I've not had enough to drink to have this conversation."
Dom kicks himself for his timing. Crap, as usual. "D'you wanna go back to the hotel?" He cups Billy's elbow with his hand.
Billy does wanna. But he'd better not, given that there are a several hundred London theatre and film people here. He says, "Not yet, there're people I must talk to, network with, show the flag and all. While they're still noticing me." That he has learned: they'll forget him in five days. It's not like Glasgow.
"Okay, let me get you a drink then?" Dom doesn't want this moment to slip from his grasp.
Fortification sounds good, and champagne, no matter how expensive, doesn't fortify very well. Billy tells Dom he'd like a whisky, single-malt if they have it, and turns to find the producer who is planning some film about a bike racer.
"Coming right up." Dom squeezes Billy's arm, but the moment is past and he wanders off feeling hopeless.
~~
If it weren't for the limos coming to pick them up, everyone might have stayed till morning, afraid to miss something important. Billy has a suspicion it was Fran that arranged that, and it's confirmed when he sees her directing some of the drivers. He hugs her and is gratified when she hugs back, relaxing a bit in his arms. "I'll go with Dom," he offers, thinking that they might as well, they're going the same place.
Fran smiles up at him, saying, "Ta Billy, one fewer to organise. Though I'm still a bit worried about Dom, take care of him, will you?" That sends a pang through Billy, but he can't tell Fran they've broken up, he can't really tell anyone.
So he nods and lets himself be ushered into the back of a very long car along with Dom, and driven back to the hotel, chatting about the evening and the films and all, through the lobby and up the lift and into the very nice suite the film company has rented for him.
~~
Settling down in the comfortable sofa, Billy eases his shoes off and rests his feet on the glass coffee table. The silence rings a little in his ears, as he turns to Dom and says, "Tell me how you're truly doing, Dom, what do you have coming up?
Dom's poking around in the fridge, looking for a nightcap. "There's been a few auditions. And you know I did that stupid film in New York to help out a mate. I'm doing a bit better, especially with the films being released." Pulling out two beers, he turns to Billy and grins. "Even getting my teeth straightened, look!" He opens his mouth wide, chin to chest, displaying the braces on the backs of his lower teeth.
"Not a bad idea, that," Billy says, surprised at his own surprise. No one will ever feel Dom's crooked teeth in a kiss again. "Unless you take it too far," he adds, thinking of people who've lost the character in their faces with nose jobs and eye lifts.
"Getting them put on was the kind of pain I really don't like." Dom grins again as he crosses the room and hands Billy a beer, flopping down beside him on the couch.
That kind of joke is too intimate to Billy to take lightly, so he shifts uncomfortably and tries to think about something else. He says, "Ta," for the beer, and tells Dom, "I'm up for a film to be shot in Mexico, in Baja."
"Cool!" Dom didn't miss Billy's momentary discomfort, but chooses to ignore it. "I think I remember you saying you were up for it, but not that you'd got it. Any more details?"
Grimacing a little at 'cool', which seems terribly American though it probably isn't, Billy answers, "Not signed yet, it's a period film, about our Navy, Nelson and all that."
"Who else is involved? Anyone I know?" Dom's anxious to get past the small talk, but doesn't want to rush Billy. "I think Orli's up for a pirate film, too! You should compare notes."
Billy waves off the thought of Orlando, and says, "The director's Peter Weir, who's fantastic, and it's Russell Crowe's film, from a book series, something like Hornblower." He speaks automatically, distracted because he's finally getting a good look at Dom, and he can't stop looking at Dom's body, his hands, his neck...
"You'll ace it, mate." Dom swallows beer and sprawls on the couch, hyper-aware of Billy's eyes raking his body. "I'm still totally psyched about that crowd in Leicester Square."
Nodding, Billy looks at Dom's leather cuff. "You're still wearing that," he says, remembering the day they bought it.
Pleased Billy noticed, Dom tugs his shirt sleeve back to display it better. "Of course I am." He loosens his tie a bit, and meets Billy's gaze as he fiddles with the cuff, wishing he could read what was in Billy's face.
"How many..." Billy starts, and stops, because he doesn't want to know that. He can't stop looking at Dom's cuff, Dom's strong wrist underneath. His mouth aches for the taste of Dom's skin, but he pushes that away. "So, Dom, what have you been doing lately?"
"Oh, you know." Dom fiddles with the cuff, feeling Billy's eyes on him. "Getting ready for all these premieres we'll be attending. Seeing quite a lot of Lij."
That's awkward. Billy's never quite figured out Elijah. He takes a long drink from his bottle and then says, "Seeing him."
Oh god. Billy seems to read something into everything. "Yeah, I mean. He helped me buy the car. And now I'm not living at his place any more..." Dom frowns, and decides to be slightly more direct. "Nothing going on, Bill. We're just mates."
There's a devil driving Billy, making him keep at at Dom, like picking at a scab and making himself bleed. "Are you seeing anybody?"
Why are you doing this? "Nah, no-one of note." Dom keeps his tone casual. "What about you?" He's not sure whether he actually wants to know.
"Me? No, no one, not since pickups in New Zealand," Billy says, the truth startled out of him. His Gran was dying, and dealing with that took every moment of his time for a month and more. Since then, Billy's found ways of keeping so busy that he's barely had time to sleep, much less pull.
Dom finds this hard to believe. Billy's always been such... well, a ladies' man. "No-one at all?"
"I've been busy," Billy says shortly.
The tone is noted. "Okay, sorry." Billy looks delectable. Dom wonders if he can seduce him. He shifts slightly closer to Billy on the couch and goes straight for the kill, saying quietly, "Missed you. Can't tell you how many times I've wanked, thinking about you."
Billy can't believe Dom's trying that on now, his low voice and his body saying exactly what he's thinking. Shaking his head, Billy says, "You could have come, just to visit, when I asked."
"You could have come to visit me." Dom feels unjustly accused. "I thought you didn't want me."
"Of course I wanted you. As if I could ever stop being your friend, your mate." Billy rubs at his eyes, they shouldn't be doing this now, running on fumes and adrenaline, but now that they've started, they have to finish.
"I know that much..." Dom's really not sure how they got here. He leans forward, elbows on knees, face in hands, feeling utterly lost. "Bill, I'm a screw-up, you know that more than anyone. But I've got to see this LA thing through. I can't give up and confirm that I'm a complete and utter failure."
It's haunting Billy, the fear that Dom will turn on himself if he doesn't get stardom, A-list, millions of dollars per film: that Dom will compare his to Orlando's career. "You're not a screw-up Dom, and I didn't say you had to come back home for good, I know you're too stubborn to do that. But to visit."
That's a ray of hope, at least. Dom looks up. "Things are a bit mad for the next month or two... then I think my agent wants me to do some auditions." He grins hopefully. "But what if I plan to come and visit you in Mexico? Would that work?"
Would Dom at least listen? Billy answers, "No sense counting chickens before they're hatched. The part's not mine yet."
"Oh, sorry, I thought you said..." Dom sighs, deflating again. "Got it wrong." He moves a bit closer to Billy, unable to help himself.
The heat of Dom's skin, the smell of him is intoxicating (even mixed with scents of clove cigarettes and beer and sweat). Billy closes his eyes and tries to get his brain back in working order.
Dom can feel Billy caving, trying to rein himself in. He decides to exploit this loophole, and so leans with his mouth close to Billy's ear, and puts on his best sex voice. "Missed touching you."
"Dom," Billy says, setting his jaw against the temptation to just turn and kiss him, "fuck, I don't know..."
It's not 'no', so Dom continues murmuring. "I'm yours, always will be. Just want to make you feel good, make it up to you for making you feel shitty, I'm so sorry, Bill." Since he's so close and unable to stop himself, Dom presses a kiss to Billy's neck and nuzzles, breathing in Billy's scent and sighing.
Billy wants Dom so much that he's about to explode, but he shouldn't give in, he knows that. "Not now, not like this," he says, his voice rasping out of his throat.
Feeling like crying, Dom pulls away. "Sorry. Sorry. I just... god, Bill." He thumps his knee.
Hands in fists, Billy blurts out, "What, Dom? What will you give up for me? What will you do?"
"Give up for you? What?" Confused and frustrated, Dom swallows his tears.
"I dunno," Billy half-shouts, "What am I to you? A mate you shag? A friend who gives you a hand when we meet up? A handy fuck?"
Dom's completely stunned that this is what Billy thinks. "How can you say that?"
Billy's lost all his self-control, "I say that because haven't seen you in five months. I don't know who you are now, I don't know any more."
Wounded, Dom can't think of a suitable retort. "Are you deliberately trying to hurt me as much as possible? Is that what this is about? Because it's fucking working," he says angrily.
"Do you think it's enough to just float back into my life, do you expect everything to be skittles and beer?" Billy asks, though he doesn't want to know the answer.
"Forget it, Bill. Just forget it. Really. If you think that's what I expect, then you don't know anything about me. Just forget it." Dom stands. "I'm going to find Lij, he's easier to live with." He's shaking, hurt far beyond the capacity he thought Billy had to hurt him.
Watching Dom leave, Billy says bitterly, "Well of course he's easier, he's in bloody LA." He lifts his whisky glass and mutters into it, "But he doesn't love you like I do."
Halfway to the door, Dom stops dead in his tracks and clenches his fists. He drops his chin to his chest, breathing hard, a tight band around his heart. "Bill, I don't know what to do!"
"Fuck if I know," Billy says. He hates this, hates Dom for leaving him, hates himself for caring.
Dom turns and kneels in front of Billy, his hands on Billy's knees, not knowing what to say or why he's there. "Please."
"Please what, please beat you? I can't, not now." Billy's mind says 'no' but his body is saying yes, reacting to Dom's presence as though nothing was wrong. Gritting his teeth, pulling back to keep from touching Dom, Billy anticipates Dom's objection and says, "No, nor shag you, nor anything like that."
Dom's well aware that Billy's responding to him, and feeling like there's nothing to lose, lays his head on Billy's lap. "I can't imagine leaving this room without making love to you," he murmurs.
Hands in fists, Billy says, "I hate it, being away from you all the time, it's not enough." His chest wrenches as he thinks about Dom leaving again. "I know it should be all right, most people don't have what we have..."
His head still on Billy's lap, Dom reaches up and covers one of Billy's fists with his hand. He sighs. "I never thought I'd have what I've got with you."
"It's just, I miss you so fucking much, Dom. When I turn to you, you're not there." There's a hole in Billy's life and it's so much harder to take than he thought.
"I'm here now, Bill." Dom strokes his thumb over Billy's fist. "We're together right now, that's all that matters."
"Is it?" Billy finds that he wants to be convinced.
"Yeah..." Dom shifts, nuzzles Billy's legs a bit and sighs. Nothing seems to matter now. "Love you so much, want to make you feel good, want to be close. Need you."
Billy wavers, "I shouldn't." His fingers are holding Dom's hands so hard that he can feel the fine bones beneath the skin. "But I can't not. I'm addicted to you."
"Me too." Dom uncurls Billy's fist and weaves their fingers together He lifts his head and looks up at Billy. "Please, Bill."
Bending down to rest his head against Dom's, Billy closes his eyes again. It feels so good.
"Love you, Bill. Love you so much." Dom kisses Billy's forehead.
"I'm just being a big girl's blouse," Billy says.
Dom kneels up, wraps his arms around Billy and holds him close. It feels so right. "I've got you."
Sagging against Dom, Billy's not sure if he's in love or just so tired he can't think rationally any more.
The tight band around Dom's heart seems to ease as he breathes in the scent of Billy's hair. "Wanna go to bed?" He smiles against Billy's cheek. "To sleep, I mean."
Gratefully, Billy nods, saying, "I'm completely wrung out, I'd no idea the premiere would be such a madhouse."
"I'll rub your back, and I won't be offended if you fall asleep." Dom strokes Billy's hair, just grateful of what chance he can get to touch Billy.
"My shoulders do feel as though they've been heaving rocks all day," Billy says, twisting his back. It's a little odd to have Dom taking care of him, but a nice kind of odd.
Standing, Dom tugs Billy's hands. "Come over here. Take your tie off, but you can leave your shirt on if you like." He leads Billy to the bed, not daring to hope that there might be any more than massage, cuddling and sleep.
Billy follows Dom's lead, moving to the other room, unbuttoning his shirt but deciding at the last moment to leave it on. He lies down on his stomach, sighing at how very very good it is to be horizontal.
Seeing Billy lying waiting on the bed like that makes Dom grin. He yanks his tie off and climbs on to the bed, straddling Billy's hips and starting to massage his shoulders. "That good?"
The weight of Dom's body on Billy's arse is unexpected. It sets Billy's nerves singing with the pleasure of it, and he has to keep his hips still, instead of pushing up against Dom's crotch, rubbing and grinding. "It's fine," he tells Dom.
Billy's gone a bit rigid under Dom, and so Dom presses hard on the knots in his back. "God, you're tense. Relax, mate."
Whenever anyone says to relax, it gets on Billy's nerves. He lies still and says, "It's been that kind of week. We aren't all complete camera whores, you know."
"Relax your brain, too," Dom chuckles. "Close your eyes." Squeezing Billy's shoulders, Dom goes into sex voice mode. "Think of something restful. A roaring fire and a glass of Scotch."
"It's not easy with you sitting on my arse," Billy says.
Dom's stung at the irritability in Billy's tone, and swings his leg over to kneel beside Billy. "You're determined to hate me, aren't you?"
Billy turns, surprised. "I'm not! to resist you, more like."
Defeated, Dom lies down beside Billy. "I don't know what to do, Bill."
Rubbing his thumb across his lips, Billy looks at Dom and feels his defenses crumbling. "I can't escape you even if I wanted to, the which I don't, not really.
Dom strokes Billy's hair and trails his fingertips over Billy's neck. "I love you."
"Ah, love you too," Billy says, relieved to finally relent. He thinks about Dom's proclivities and babbles a little, asking "What will we do, when we're apart? Will you, would you, play it safe?"
Feeling safer, if a little confused, Dom moves close. "What d'you mean?" He rests his forehead against Billy's, gazing into Billy's eyes.
It's not clear, not to Billy at any rate, but he tries, "Would you... not put yourself in places where you could get hurt? And save something for me, not that I just want that, kinky sex, but I don't like to imagine... I'm a bit jealous about you."
"God, I..." Billy's words make Dom dare to hope. "There's a huge part of me that's only for you. You were the first." He grins. "With the kinky stuff, the pain stuff, I mean. It wouldn't be the same with someone else." Being this close to Billy, it's almost unbearable not to be able to touch him. Dom lapses into silence, staring into Billy's eyes for a few seconds. Eventually, he whispers, "God, I want to kiss you."
Startled from thinking about what Dom's done and with whom, Billy looks up. He reaches for Dom's face, pulls him in like a drowning man finding a float, and kisses Dom with all the desire he's resisting for hours, months even.
Sobbing with relief into the kiss, Dom kisses back, whimpering and clutching at Billy. Billy's tongue pushes into his mouth, both of Billy's hands cupping Dom's head and preventing Dom from pulling away. Desperately, Dom pushes up the back of Billy's shirt, wanting to feel skin; he needs to breathe, but is afraid to break the spell.
Billy won't let go when he ought, he keeps kissing until he can't stand it any more, until breath is finally more important.
Finally, Dom breaks the kiss to take a breath and presses his forehead to Billy's. "Bill..."
"Dom, I don't know if we can do this. It might fuck us up worse than before." There's a hard twist in the bottom of Billy's stomach and a lump in his throat, just thinking about the future.
The tone of Billy's voice makes Dom scared. "Please don't say that." His chest is heaving, he wants so much but is scared of hurting both of them, of screwing things up permanently.
Mouth still feeling Dom's kiss, Billy strokes Dom's shoulder, saying, "Why do you think I've been rabbiting on about it? So easy to fuck up, hard to do properly"
Dom smiles ruefully. "Like all of life." He cups Billy's jaw with his hand and strokes his thumb over Billy's bottom lip.
With a little groan, Billy says, "I've missed you." He tangles his fingers in Dom's hair and pulls Dom's head back a bit to get at his neck. Licking and nibbling at the skin there, he says, "Missed you so bloody much."
There's nothing for Dom to do but close his eyes and enjoy. "Missed you too, he says, then yelps as Billy's teeth dig in a bit. "I hope you're not going to be a tease," he grins, even though Billy can't see his face.
Billy snorts into Dom's neck, and takes the challenge, "Perhaps I ought to, tie you up, make you wait until morning..."
"I'll yell until someone comes to rescue me." Really, Dom's just so happy that Billy's even joking about it, and rubs his crotch against Billy.
Dom has Billy's number, there's no escaping it. Billy slides a hand inside Dom's shirt to tweak his nipple and murmurs, "You want to be rescued?"
"Only by you," Dom answers in what he hopes is a soft, sexy voice.
"God, Dom..." Billy pulls Dom close for another kiss, his whole body desperate to feel Dom, to taste him and rub up against him and fuck him thoroughly.
Responding instinctively, Dom sucks greedily on Billy's tongue. Nervous, but unable to help himself, he slides his palm over Billy's hip to the bulge in Billy's trousers.
Billy pushes into Dom's hand, he clenches Dom's side and shoulder, his tongue deep in Dom's mouth. He'd like to stay like this for hours, forever.
Moaning, Dom clumsily tries to undo Billy's trousers, fails, and has to break off the kiss. "Sorry, fuck..." He concentrates and finally manages to undo the button and zip and work his hand inside, rubbing Billy's cock through his boxers.
After a few moments, reality trumping memory by a long shot, Billy groans, "No, no, not yet, I'll come in my pants, I wanta feel you."
"Yeah, please." Dom's panting hard, but manages to undo his own trousers and push them down, then tugs at Billy's shirt buttons. "Want you naked and on top of me or in me or both or..." He's babbling in desperation now.
Dom's voice, liquid sex, hits Billy deep inside. "Yeah, God yeah" he says, pulling down his own trousers, tossing them on a chair so they're not too crumpled. His hands go back to Dom's body, deeply familiar and yet not quite as he's remembered, not sure how much of that is LA and how much is his memory going to mush.
It's as much as Dom's shaking hands can do to pull off his shirt and trousers, and then at last he's plastered skin-to-skin with Billy, hands clutching and groping, mouths seeking each other, hips pressing together wantonly. "Fuck me, please," Dom mutters, wanting pain but too afraid to ask for it.
Billy's hand snakes down between their bodies to Dom's cock, to his own, groaning at the touch. "I didn't bring anything," he admits. Billy was so sure that Dom would be lost to him, and that he could resist Dom if tempted.
"Nothing?" Dom laughs ruefully. "You were that sure you weren't going to pull?"
"Ehm," Billy says, "it's been a while." He rubs their cocks together gently, and his eyes close as he sinks into the sensations. It's as much Dom's arms round him as the pleasure from his cock that has Billy trembling and biting his lip.
"C'm'ere," Dom says, rolling on to his back and tugging Billy with him. Now Billy's lying on top of him, still holding both their cocks together. Dom hooks his legs over Billy's, rocking his hips. "This is good. Being close."
Groaning as Dom rocks up against him, Billy nuzzles Dom's neck, sucking and biting gently at the places he knows drive Dom mad. He's wanting to bring Dom along with him, to make him moan and feel him lose control. He must do it quickly, because Billy's about to come like a lad, ridiculously quickly.
Dom gasps as Billy's teeth on his neck seem to tug on his cock and deep in his balls. His hands slide over Billy's back, feeling smooth muscle, to his arse, where they grope and knead the firm flesh. "Oh god, Bill, miss you," he moans.
"Dom," Billy growls, moving his hand faster, pushing his hips harder against Dom, "I'm here. Even if it's a bloody bad idea, I'm here." He nips at Dom's collarbone, sucks at the skin in the dip above the bone, savouring Dom's taste and the way he jerks at every touch.
There aren't any more words, nothing more he can say that will tell Billy how much Dom needs him, nothing apart from moans and gasps and thrusts of his hips, pushing his cock into Billy's hand. There's no part of him that doesn't belong to Billy, it's as if Dom's no longer his own person. His hips pulse frantically, seeking the orgasm he knows is right there, wanting Billy to make him come.
Watching Dom give over, feeling him shout desire with every movement, reminds Billy exactly why he fell in love to begin with. "Yes," he moans, meeting Dom's hip with his own, "so fucking beautiful, my Dom."
Finally, Dom tumbles over the edge with a shout, clutching at Billy, gasping his name as the world around him closes in on itself.
Billy moans as Dom comes, loosens his self-control and comes against Dom's skin. It's a release and a relief and an overwhelming pleasure.
When Dom comes to, Billy is a dead weight sprawled on him. "Hey," he whispers.
"Hey," Billy says, propping himself up on his arm. "God, I missed you."
"Me too. Missed you, I mean." Dom grins happily. "I think we need a shower."
Dom's far too wound up to sleep now. Billy discovers that he doesn't want to sleep, not now, and they repair to the enormous shower cubicle of the hotel bathroom where they soap each other up, giggling like a couple of schoolboys. There are two thick towelling robes on a shelf, and once rinsed off, they wrap themselves up in them and curl up on the couch, Dom with a vodka and cranberry and Billy with a whisky. Dom is supremely content, but he knows Billy's got stuff to say still.
"I don't want to be without this when we're together," Dom says, breathing in the scent of soap from Billy's skin and hair.
This premiere has taught Billy that if he's near Dom, he shan't be able to keep his hands off Dom. So he gives Dom a bit of a squeeze and says, "You've won me over, I surrender."
"Really?" Dom slips his hand into Billy's robe and strokes Billy's furry chest. "What about all that stuff you said earlier?"
"You must promise to come back for visits," Billy says, "and I'll go to LA. It's a nice enough place to visit..." Dom chimes in when he finishes, "but I wouldn't want to live there." Billy's mouth quirks: how could he reject the one person in the world who really can finish his sentences?
"Of course I'll come back to visit, I can't live without you, at least not permanently." Dom smiles, pressing his face into Billy's neck. He feels so safe, content and happy, being held by Billy's warm solidity. "I've been talking to Viggo about... stuff. About how I like being hurt, you know? Whether it's just you, or a general weird kinky thing I've got going on." Dom sighs. "He introduced me to a couple of people."
It's a terrible cliché, Billy knows, but he can't help himself, his body turning rigid as he tries not to imagine too vividly what Dom did next. He has no standing to complain, Billy himself had explored the whole BDSM lifestyle a bit back in the spring, reading up on this kind of thing, finding some clubs in London and testing it out with some willing bodies. But thinking about Dom and pain and anyone else at all ties Billy's belly up in terrible knots.
The sudden tension in Billy's body is unmistakable. "Hey," Dom says softly, twisting around to see Billy's face. "What's up?"
"What did you do with those people?" Billy asks. If Viggo vetted them, they can't be complete nutters. But this is why he wants to keep Dom close by, so he doesn't have to go to a stranger for what he needs.
Something in Dom is a bit pleased that Billy's jealous. On the other hand, Dom doesn't want to think about Billy doing what they've done with anyone else, either. "Not much, just a bit of this and that." He strokes Billy's chest again. "Please, don't worry, don't think about it, it doesn't mean anything."
Billy knows an evasion, and asks, "How much? How... intense? What do you need, Dom, when I'm away?"
"Do you really want to know all the details?" Dom frowns. "It really, honestly was just experimentation, wondering whether I just wanted you to hurt me or whether it was, you know, something in me."
"What did you find out, after all that?"
Dom sighs. "That it's mostly you. That I enjoy a certain amount of it just for its own sake, but mostly I want it from you." He kisses Billy's chest. "Does that make you feel better?"
Billy unknots a bit, at that. "Yeah, it does," he says. "It's thinking of anyone else hurting you," and that makes his mouth terribly dry, as he goes on, "I want to kill them. In really horrific ways."
That's something Dom understands. If anyone hurt Billy... "It's not like with you. Maybe some spanking, bondage... not the heavier stuff." He hopes he's being reassuring, but can feel Billy's heart racing.
What Dom's offering is something, really quite a lot. But even that, even letting go of Dom so far as to let someone else tie him up, makes Billy's heart pound again. And spanking, fuck, that's so intimate; Billy sighs and shifts at the thought.
Billy's obviously still stressed. Dom kisses him and slips a palm between Billy's thighs, warm and comforting. "Lots of people are into a bit of bondage," he points out. "It means nothing. I can't imagine anyone else..." His voice drops to a whisper, "...anyone else beating or flogging me."
After their break, it's hard enough for Billy to think of himself doing those things to Dom, much less anyone else. Except his libido, which seems to be delighted by the idea. He leans against Dom's head, and asks, very quietly, "Save that for me?"
"Yeah, only you." Dom kisses Billy again, to seal the deal.
Billy wraps his arms round Dom to pull him closer, kissing him tenderly. "I'll always be careful, always take care of you."
"I know you will." Dom tugs Billy's robe open, wanting more intimacy. "Love you."
"Love you," Billy says, smiling as Dom leans close again, holding him tightly, "I'm completely fucking addicted to you."