I have anxiety.

[push_my_buttons]

My dad is a quote book

My father ruffles his pages and
licks his work worn,
calloused finger to help him
single out the words
that will make me feel better.

I sit patiently
knowing that soon the
quiet shuhh shhuh of the pages will stop and I will be
immersed in a syrupy comfort
dulling the edges of my anxious
nature and
quieting the sharp
grating in my head:
it sounds like metal

“Man plans
and God laughs”
he croons.
His voice has a playful twinkle, but
I know this is as serious
as it gets.

I imagine God
grasping his bulging belly trying to hold in
the giggles and decide
I will stop expecting
so much
all the time.

Its not what he told me to do but,
it’s what he meant.