Loss
As I look back at this year, I lament the loss of many friends. It's one thing to gradually lose touch with people because your paths take you in different directions. But it's another to have falling outs that are dramatic and mostly unnecessary. I've always been proud of having a wide circle of friends, but this was the year people reverted and failed to confront their problems, and just became plain obstinate. I started this year trying to play the mediator and repair fractions between couples, and I end the year feeling rather isolated from everyone. I think the underlying theme I've gathered from all this is my absolute disdain for passive-aggressive behaviour, and the tendency of these people to accuse you of something, then ignore you, and ultimately refuse to talk about what is bothering them. That happened twice this year. It's the friendship equivalent of throwing a snowball at someone then running inside to your house so you don't have to deal with the consequences of your action. Face the music. Talk it over. You might find that your disagreements aren't that big of a deal. But you're certainly not showing any effort to solve the problem. It's cowardly, really. I will admit my mistakes and apologise for the things that I've done to hurt you, but you have to reciprocate. It's sad that people who don't like confrontation do far more damage than the ones that at least address the problem...
Despite my depressing rant, I also have noticed a strange trend in me. In the past I would have always considered myself a pessimist. But this year has also taught me hope, and a different perspective. I see things as part of a bigger plan, and these are temporary lulls. I always leave the door open; I never burn my bridges. I am sad that other people might think that way and harden their opinions of me, but when they're ready to talk, I will talk. I just hope it doesn't take them years and years to recognise what they need to do.
And J, just to clarify, this isn't about you or your actions. Although I do hope you can take some of the optimism from me and use it for yourself in the coming year...
Despite my depressing rant, I also have noticed a strange trend in me. In the past I would have always considered myself a pessimist. But this year has also taught me hope, and a different perspective. I see things as part of a bigger plan, and these are temporary lulls. I always leave the door open; I never burn my bridges. I am sad that other people might think that way and harden their opinions of me, but when they're ready to talk, I will talk. I just hope it doesn't take them years and years to recognise what they need to do.
And J, just to clarify, this isn't about you or your actions. Although I do hope you can take some of the optimism from me and use it for yourself in the coming year...