Up with work!
I'm applying to the team leader position. I don't want it, and I don't want the path that it could lead me toward. I feel like I'm being pulled away from my true calling, and while I can do it, and do it well, my heart just isn't in it. I'm still going to apply to other analyst positions, but I'm so tired of being told they won't train me this way or that. It's time to get away from the Bureau, and I don't think I'm going to be heartbroken if I end up in some other alphabet agency....
That seems to be my default setting for the past few months. I'm so indifferent, so trapped, and yet I feel spoiled for even thinking about what life holds for me. It took Pixar to make me feel even worse. I love you Pixar, but you sure make me cry. I heard about the beginning of Up, and how the beginning encapsulates the whole backstory, but boy, I have never teared up so quickly when I saw that sequence. Watching that old man fall in love with his wife, grow up and old with her, go through life's ups and downs, all in a few short minutes, just tore me apart. I seriously am welling up just thinking about it right now. It just made me feel so absolutely alone, and how messed up things are right now. And yet I know I can't go back to that situation. It was faulty to begin with, no matter how many times I tried to gloss over it myself. I still feel badly for her, and I wish the outcome was better, but I just feel so numb. You're not supposed to feel this way when you're the one doing the breaking up. Lucky me. So much for my short optimistic streak....
That seems to be my default setting for the past few months. I'm so indifferent, so trapped, and yet I feel spoiled for even thinking about what life holds for me. It took Pixar to make me feel even worse. I love you Pixar, but you sure make me cry. I heard about the beginning of Up, and how the beginning encapsulates the whole backstory, but boy, I have never teared up so quickly when I saw that sequence. Watching that old man fall in love with his wife, grow up and old with her, go through life's ups and downs, all in a few short minutes, just tore me apart. I seriously am welling up just thinking about it right now. It just made me feel so absolutely alone, and how messed up things are right now. And yet I know I can't go back to that situation. It was faulty to begin with, no matter how many times I tried to gloss over it myself. I still feel badly for her, and I wish the outcome was better, but I just feel so numb. You're not supposed to feel this way when you're the one doing the breaking up. Lucky me. So much for my short optimistic streak....