The Covenant (2006)
If some Executive Bunny in Hollywoodland didn’t see The Craft way back in 1996 and go ‘Hey! We should remake this, but with boys!’, I’ll be extremely surprised. I could be wrong and it’s just a coincidence that we have a very small group of girls boys at an private school and one of them gets a bit too powerhappy with their magical abilities. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time where two movies with similar themes are made, but have no actual connection to each other than those few over lapping ideas (Battle Royale and The Hunger Games, for instance). Humans have been coming up with similar ideas quite independently of each other for as long as we can remember. But on the other hand, Hollywood is known for churning out multiple versions of an idea that worked the first time.
Underneath all the pretty boys acting badly and grungy-emoish rock music those young people listened to in the mid 2000s (someone get me mah walking stick!), there is actually a plot. If it’s a *good* plot is open to debate.
At the Spenser Academy in New England there is a special little group - the Brothers of Ispwich. Their four members are the latest generation of warlocks in magical families that have lived in the area for many, many generations. They’re supposed to be all hush-hush about their abilities after their families went underground after a little local event back in 1692 called the Salem Witch Trials. There used to be a fifth family, but they fucked up along the way and were cast out and they’re probably all dead now. Keep this in mind; this is important.
I really wonder how rich and powerful these four families are in their community for no one to have come around asking questions about the four boys, considering some of the magical shit they pull in front of people who aren’t within their families. Teenagers! Putting a 300 year old secret at risk just so they can have a good time. Typical! To make things more interesting, their powers will become even more powerful when they turn eighteen which is fast approaching for the eldest of the four, Caleb (Steve Strait). Keep that in mind too.
Things are going well for them until their magically enhanced mild douchbaggery is brought to a halt by the death of a muggle student at the Spenser Academy. This just happens to happen not too long after new student Chase (Sebs) arrives at the Academy. (important!)
When said dead student starts haunting the BoI boys, they know something is Not Right and there had to be magic involved - but who? The list of suspects really only could be the four of them… unless there is another…
If Hollywood has taught me anything, is that there’s always another! Guess who it is. Go on, try. It really isn’t that hard. Of course there turns out to be a descendant of the fifth family that they all thought had died out and he’s a) kinda pissed off about this and b) likes the whole ‘magic using’ thing in a rather unhealthy way. It turns out there’s the side effect of extreme aging on those who over/misuse their powers and he’s got this idea in his head he can getting around this by getting the others to ‘will’ their powers to him. If it kills them in the process doesn’t concern him at all, cause he’s all Angsty and Bad. Black magic eyes and all woo scary Bad. And since Caleb is about to level up in his magic abilities… fill in the rest yourself by watching it.
Oh, if you haven’t figured it out by now, the Big Bad is Sebs. He is not sad in this film, though he does kiss a boy, although whether or not this is hawt boy on boy action is extremely debatable considering the context in which it is done, which is neither pleasant or consensual. The script… gawds, the script. If you ever meet Sebastian Stan in person, ask him to quote some of the lines from this movie and watch him cringe. It’s pretty terrible, witaches. Yeeaaaah, they weren’t winning any writing Oscars for this one. Or acting.
It’s clear that some were hired for their pretty face over their depth of talent (not Seb of course and I know I’m biased). It was interesting watching one of the ‘behind the scenes’ features for the Covenant and they were all ‘yeah Steven Strait is so going to be the next Big Thing’ and, well, he wasn’t. Out of the cast it’s really Sebs who went on to be the Big Thing, thanks to projects like the Captain America movies, though Taylor Kitsch (Pogue) is catching up. Sebs also went onto work with Toby Hemmingway (Reid) again a few years later on Black Swan, with fellow MCU alumni, Natalie Portman.
Should you watch this? I say… yes! I’m even now keeping an eye out for it to turn up in a bargain DVD sale somewhere - yes, I’ll buy it, but not for full price. Yes it’s terrible, but not as bad as my current ‘terrible movie’ bar Spread. But it’s a silly terrible and that pushes it into ‘fun if you don’t take it seriously’ territory and it’s just begging for some kind of drinking game, if there isn’t one already. I know that if this had come out when I was in high school (which, incidentally, was when The Craft came out), I would have been all over The Covenant like a bad rash; it really does appeal to 16 year old me. I also know 16 year old me would totally agree with 34 year old me about Sebs. Another reason to watch it is for the locker room scene. There are butts. Naked man butts. You’re not seeing me - either at 16 or 34 - complaining about that. It also gives Sebs a deliciously wicked snarky put down:
This was first posted at http://purrdenceseb.tumblr.com/post/90957834011/the-covenant-2006.
Underneath all the pretty boys acting badly and grungy-emoish rock music those young people listened to in the mid 2000s (someone get me mah walking stick!), there is actually a plot. If it’s a *good* plot is open to debate.
At the Spenser Academy in New England there is a special little group - the Brothers of Ispwich. Their four members are the latest generation of warlocks in magical families that have lived in the area for many, many generations. They’re supposed to be all hush-hush about their abilities after their families went underground after a little local event back in 1692 called the Salem Witch Trials. There used to be a fifth family, but they fucked up along the way and were cast out and they’re probably all dead now. Keep this in mind; this is important.
I really wonder how rich and powerful these four families are in their community for no one to have come around asking questions about the four boys, considering some of the magical shit they pull in front of people who aren’t within their families. Teenagers! Putting a 300 year old secret at risk just so they can have a good time. Typical! To make things more interesting, their powers will become even more powerful when they turn eighteen which is fast approaching for the eldest of the four, Caleb (Steve Strait). Keep that in mind too.
Things are going well for them until their magically enhanced mild douchbaggery is brought to a halt by the death of a muggle student at the Spenser Academy. This just happens to happen not too long after new student Chase (Sebs) arrives at the Academy. (important!)
When said dead student starts haunting the BoI boys, they know something is Not Right and there had to be magic involved - but who? The list of suspects really only could be the four of them… unless there is another…
If Hollywood has taught me anything, is that there’s always another! Guess who it is. Go on, try. It really isn’t that hard. Of course there turns out to be a descendant of the fifth family that they all thought had died out and he’s a) kinda pissed off about this and b) likes the whole ‘magic using’ thing in a rather unhealthy way. It turns out there’s the side effect of extreme aging on those who over/misuse their powers and he’s got this idea in his head he can getting around this by getting the others to ‘will’ their powers to him. If it kills them in the process doesn’t concern him at all, cause he’s all Angsty and Bad. Black magic eyes and all woo scary Bad. And since Caleb is about to level up in his magic abilities… fill in the rest yourself by watching it.
Oh, if you haven’t figured it out by now, the Big Bad is Sebs. He is not sad in this film, though he does kiss a boy, although whether or not this is hawt boy on boy action is extremely debatable considering the context in which it is done, which is neither pleasant or consensual. The script… gawds, the script. If you ever meet Sebastian Stan in person, ask him to quote some of the lines from this movie and watch him cringe. It’s pretty terrible, witaches. Yeeaaaah, they weren’t winning any writing Oscars for this one. Or acting.
It’s clear that some were hired for their pretty face over their depth of talent (not Seb of course and I know I’m biased). It was interesting watching one of the ‘behind the scenes’ features for the Covenant and they were all ‘yeah Steven Strait is so going to be the next Big Thing’ and, well, he wasn’t. Out of the cast it’s really Sebs who went on to be the Big Thing, thanks to projects like the Captain America movies, though Taylor Kitsch (Pogue) is catching up. Sebs also went onto work with Toby Hemmingway (Reid) again a few years later on Black Swan, with fellow MCU alumni, Natalie Portman.
Should you watch this? I say… yes! I’m even now keeping an eye out for it to turn up in a bargain DVD sale somewhere - yes, I’ll buy it, but not for full price. Yes it’s terrible, but not as bad as my current ‘terrible movie’ bar Spread. But it’s a silly terrible and that pushes it into ‘fun if you don’t take it seriously’ territory and it’s just begging for some kind of drinking game, if there isn’t one already. I know that if this had come out when I was in high school (which, incidentally, was when The Craft came out), I would have been all over The Covenant like a bad rash; it really does appeal to 16 year old me. I also know 16 year old me would totally agree with 34 year old me about Sebs. Another reason to watch it is for the locker room scene. There are butts. Naked man butts. You’re not seeing me - either at 16 or 34 - complaining about that. It also gives Sebs a deliciously wicked snarky put down:
This was first posted at http://purrdenceseb.tumblr.com/post/90957834011/the-covenant-2006.