Spread (2009)
I’m going to be blunt. Unless you are like me and on a mission to watch every single movie and TV program that Sebastian Stan has been in, or you happen to have a thing for Ashton Kutcher, give Spread a miss. Go find something more productive to do. Write some good fanfic. Do some art. Watch Winter Solider again.
Spoilers Ahead
I can summarise Spread pretty easily. Golddigger arsehole Nikki (Ashton Kutcher) fraks his way through the movie and the rich female population of LA until he finds that One Woman (Margarita Leviva) who steals his heart and makes him want to give up all this. The catch? She’s as much a golddigger arsehole as he is; only when it comes to the crunch, she’ll choose money over him. Nikki ends up alone. Karma’s a bitch.
There you go, 97 minutes saved.
I’ll admit, when I hear a movie gets a high classification because of sex (it’s R18 here in Aussieland, which means one has to be 18 or older to see it), a bit of me goes ‘yay’, but I suspect it gets this because of the quantity of the frakkin’, not the quality. Yes, there’s lots of it, but the scenes are quick and dirty snap shots and quite frankly, not that sensual at all. This film did not make me want to pause the DVD and go jump my husband. They’re also all of Ashton Kutcher.
Which brings me to Sebs’s character, Harry, Nikki’s long suffering friend. There are no sexytime scenes with Harry. In fact, he’s probably the only major speaking character that makes it through the movie without taking his clothes off. This gravely disappointed me. Seriously, a Sebs only edit of the film would run all of about 10 minutes. Sebs does his best with what he’s got, but when you haven’t got a lot to begin with? Yeah…
I’m glad I got this through Quikflix, which is a local version of Netflix. Since I watched the DVD on the same day I received it in the post and then put it back in the post on the same day, I’ve minimised how much renting it cost me (I think it’s about $1 a day?). Don’t waste your money buying the DVD. Don’t waste your bandwidth downloading it. It’s not worth it, not even for Sebastian.
This was first posted at http://purrdenceseb.tumblr.com/post/86986424896/spread-2009
Spoilers Ahead
I can summarise Spread pretty easily. Golddigger arsehole Nikki (Ashton Kutcher) fraks his way through the movie and the rich female population of LA until he finds that One Woman (Margarita Leviva) who steals his heart and makes him want to give up all this. The catch? She’s as much a golddigger arsehole as he is; only when it comes to the crunch, she’ll choose money over him. Nikki ends up alone. Karma’s a bitch.
There you go, 97 minutes saved.
I’ll admit, when I hear a movie gets a high classification because of sex (it’s R18 here in Aussieland, which means one has to be 18 or older to see it), a bit of me goes ‘yay’, but I suspect it gets this because of the quantity of the frakkin’, not the quality. Yes, there’s lots of it, but the scenes are quick and dirty snap shots and quite frankly, not that sensual at all. This film did not make me want to pause the DVD and go jump my husband. They’re also all of Ashton Kutcher.
Which brings me to Sebs’s character, Harry, Nikki’s long suffering friend. There are no sexytime scenes with Harry. In fact, he’s probably the only major speaking character that makes it through the movie without taking his clothes off. This gravely disappointed me. Seriously, a Sebs only edit of the film would run all of about 10 minutes. Sebs does his best with what he’s got, but when you haven’t got a lot to begin with? Yeah…
I’m glad I got this through Quikflix, which is a local version of Netflix. Since I watched the DVD on the same day I received it in the post and then put it back in the post on the same day, I’ve minimised how much renting it cost me (I think it’s about $1 a day?). Don’t waste your money buying the DVD. Don’t waste your bandwidth downloading it. It’s not worth it, not even for Sebastian.
This was first posted at http://purrdenceseb.tumblr.com/post/86986424896/spread-2009