the happiest place on earth.
july 1st. i will be an independant. a free spirit. a productive, responsible, bill-paying, own-meal-cooking member of society. and so will my dear banana pancakes. it will be gloriously our own, and fabulously minus certain parental units. in fact, right now as i write this very entry, i am being seronaded by my father and brother yelling at each other. i can't wait to get away from this.
i have been sad for so long, these last few weeks especially. leaving home will be a great thing. but i am so, so worried about my brother. ignoramus though he may be, i am so afraid that a physical altercation will once again take place, that his life will be miserable without me there as support, and i'm regretful that he will continue to be sad and angry all the time, while i will happy for once. the hardest thing will be not being able to be there for him. we fight like cats and dogs, but when it really comes down to it, we love each other fiercely. when it really comes down to it, i want to be there to protect him, and he wants to be there to protect me. we've spent so much of our lives together, supporting each other when things were rough. and now he will be alone. he won't have his cat, my mum is hardly around anymore with the new job, and his friendship with ryan is waning, ever since plesh became a serious drug addict. i know that so much of the time, all everyone ever hears is all the bad stuff this kid does, cuz i always seem to have bad stuff to tell. but this boy, he is smart, he is talented, he is strong, courageous, with a true heart of gold. i don't want him to be alone.
god damn it, why can't anything be simple? why is that every time something amazingly positive happens to me, it is accompanied by a horrifying negative? the balance of the universe can kiss my ass.
see, this is why i didn't post anything for a while, because i knew that when i finally did, it would be one like this. i'm sorry. whenever i get on this thing, i'm always compelled to write shitty things, i don't know why. i'm not usually a self-pitying whiner, honest.
i have been sad for so long, these last few weeks especially. leaving home will be a great thing. but i am so, so worried about my brother. ignoramus though he may be, i am so afraid that a physical altercation will once again take place, that his life will be miserable without me there as support, and i'm regretful that he will continue to be sad and angry all the time, while i will happy for once. the hardest thing will be not being able to be there for him. we fight like cats and dogs, but when it really comes down to it, we love each other fiercely. when it really comes down to it, i want to be there to protect him, and he wants to be there to protect me. we've spent so much of our lives together, supporting each other when things were rough. and now he will be alone. he won't have his cat, my mum is hardly around anymore with the new job, and his friendship with ryan is waning, ever since plesh became a serious drug addict. i know that so much of the time, all everyone ever hears is all the bad stuff this kid does, cuz i always seem to have bad stuff to tell. but this boy, he is smart, he is talented, he is strong, courageous, with a true heart of gold. i don't want him to be alone.
god damn it, why can't anything be simple? why is that every time something amazingly positive happens to me, it is accompanied by a horrifying negative? the balance of the universe can kiss my ass.
see, this is why i didn't post anything for a while, because i knew that when i finally did, it would be one like this. i'm sorry. whenever i get on this thing, i'm always compelled to write shitty things, i don't know why. i'm not usually a self-pitying whiner, honest.