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once again i find myself frustrated. i don't understand women...seriously. *sigh* things were going pretty well, so i thought. in fact, the last time i saw megan, she seemed really into me, but now i'm starting to wonder. she's been so caught up with her busy work schedule and a whole bunch of other shit for the past couple of weeks that i've hardly talked to her. and most of the time, i've had to contact her just to see how she's doin. now suddenly i'm gettin completely opposite vibes, like she's no longer interested. i'm not sure if it has to do with her hectic life right now or what, but my mentality is that if ur really interested in someone, no matter how busy u are, u would make time just to at least say hi and keep in touch. and i know we're not a couple or anything, but i kinda crave a decent amount of attention. here's the thing with me, though. despite the fact that i'm pretty frustrated at this point, i won't let her know how i feel. why? maybe i'm an idiot, but really i've just got too much pride. it's an ego thing. i don't like showing weakness to anyone. one, because i'm afraid to push them away if i seem too clingy and two, cuz i don't like to make myself vulnerable to ppl. it takes me a LONG ass time to open up to someone and be able to trust them. i put up the typical wall with ppl i first meet. i've been through so much shit with ppl in the past that i have a really hard time letting myself trust anyone right away. and u know what? i feel i have every right to be as cautious as i am. i've let myself get carried away before and it brought me nothing but misery. and i just don't want to deal with that anymore. i lost all my patience with the last relationship i had. i just don't have the patience for bullshit anymore, which is why i've stayed single for this long now. and yes i'm fuckin frustrated cuz the girls that i have liked so far have been so blah towards me. i mean, at first megan seemed real into me, but now i hardly hear from her. in fact, here's what really made me feel like she may have lost interest. cuz i texted her the night after we last hung out, telling her i was at a bonfire with some friends. and she said, "meet any hotties?" and i said no, but that this one chick was kinda hitting on me. and then she said "go for it!" and i was basically taken aback by that. so i'm thinking that she's probably just distancing herself now because she knows she doesn't have time for a relationship. and u know what, that's understandable, but i wish she would just TELL me this. and since i hardly get to talk to her, i can't even ask her where we stand. plus i don't want to have to ask that question, cuz then i feel fuckin lame about it. ugh. wtf. this has happened to me once before...i had someone SO into me at first and then suddenly, without warning, they would be done with me. is it cuz once they had me, they got tired? was it just the thrill of the chase that they were after? i don't fuckin know. she made it seem like i was unattainable for her, which in my opinion is bullshit. so now that she knows i'm into her, she's done with me? fuckin a...i hate this crap. women are so goddamn complicated. i don't want to have to text her how i feel but i'm gonna have to let her know just so i can figure out what's going through her head. cuz at least if i can find out what the deal is, i can either move on or try to be a bit more patient until she can pencil me in. wow that sounds stupid. i don't wanna be "penciled in". wtf. whatever. i haven't really met anyone else that's caught my interest. the one girl from the bonfire i talk to but i'm just not into her. she's more of a friend type. why is it so fucking hard just to meet a decent girl?
anyway, on a happier note, my job is going great. it's been almost a month now and things are awesome. i really love it there and i've already started learning how to draw blood and give injections and whatnot. it's awesome. and i've been keeping super busy with pet sitting on top of that, too. rocco is growing bigger and bigger every day and i've really bonded with him. i absolutely adore him and love seeing how excited he gets whenever i come home from work. he always puts a smile on my face. :) still don't have a car, but my parents just refinanced the house and have offered to help me finance a new car with the extra money they got. of course, i plan on paying them back for the down payment they're going to make on my car. i'm so glad they're helpin me out. we'll probably end up going to a dealership soon to try and get a used car. i'm thinking either honda or toyota...most likely toyota. and if possible, a hybrid. i figured, i'm not movin out anytime soon and now that i have a job i can afford to pay for a car as long as the monthly payments aren't too high. the good thing about my job is that i can work overtime and cover ppl's shifts if i ever need extra money. only thing i'm a lil worried about is if i'll be able to finance a car cuz my credit isn't too bad, but i've only had this job for a month. i'd rather not finance a car under my parents' name but we'll see i guess. gonna have to figure out what we can do and see if any dealership is going to be willing to work with what i got. ok...my neck is hurting now...time to get off the computer.
anyway, on a happier note, my job is going great. it's been almost a month now and things are awesome. i really love it there and i've already started learning how to draw blood and give injections and whatnot. it's awesome. and i've been keeping super busy with pet sitting on top of that, too. rocco is growing bigger and bigger every day and i've really bonded with him. i absolutely adore him and love seeing how excited he gets whenever i come home from work. he always puts a smile on my face. :) still don't have a car, but my parents just refinanced the house and have offered to help me finance a new car with the extra money they got. of course, i plan on paying them back for the down payment they're going to make on my car. i'm so glad they're helpin me out. we'll probably end up going to a dealership soon to try and get a used car. i'm thinking either honda or toyota...most likely toyota. and if possible, a hybrid. i figured, i'm not movin out anytime soon and now that i have a job i can afford to pay for a car as long as the monthly payments aren't too high. the good thing about my job is that i can work overtime and cover ppl's shifts if i ever need extra money. only thing i'm a lil worried about is if i'll be able to finance a car cuz my credit isn't too bad, but i've only had this job for a month. i'd rather not finance a car under my parents' name but we'll see i guess. gonna have to figure out what we can do and see if any dealership is going to be willing to work with what i got. ok...my neck is hurting now...time to get off the computer.