Pundits
If anyone knows of anywhere that is taking applications for a pundit, would you please point me there? Because I have decided that I would make an awesome pundit.
The pundits this election cycle have been wrong, wrong, wrong about everything -- and not in a 'oh, anyone could have made that mistake' sort of way. No, in a flagrant 'what the hell are you smoking?' sort of way. Hillary as VP? What the hell? Why? How would that not COMPLETELY SINK Obama's campaign?! And while I'm at it, an even distant possibility of Hillary being elected President? What, with the religious right thinking that she's the female embodiment of Satan? And more recently, what are the chances, even remote ones, that McCain, currently under fire for being wealthy and out of touch, would pick Romney for his VP? Especially since a Mormon would mean he would lose any faint chance he has of grabbing the evangelical vote? What are the chances, even remote ones, that he'd pick Lieberman, who everyone hates already, and who many Republicans see as a Liberal. (Plus: Jewish? Also no help with the evangelicals).
I, on the other hand, have been right, right, right. I didn't call Joe Biden -- although once the probable rationale for choosing him was explained to me, I saw why he was such a good choice -- but I did call that McCain would have to pick a woman to try and siphon the 'I want to help make history' vote, which I think is larger than most people would think and it primarily made up of 'swing voters', and also try and grab some Hillary supporters who are too stupid to see that a McCain presidency would mean they could kiss Roe vs. Wade goodbye.
I didn't call Palin, but I did hear her name bandied about as a concrete possibility on the Straight Dope message boards, so it's not like any of the pundits couldn't have seen it coming. Some goober on a message board did. But nevertheless, all the news articles I've seen about the choice have been all 'OMG! What a surprise! NO ONE COULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING!'
Oh yeah? With access to the kind of information that pundits have, coupled with the kind of information I get from goobers on message boards, I would have not only seen in coming in general, like I did (with the 'he has to pick a woman' and also the 'he needs someone who can shore up his support with the evangelicas', which she will), I would have known it would be her. She's a very good pick, and it's not like the McCain campaign is run by five year olds, despite what it may appear.
So here's what I'm thinking: I would make an awesome pundit. First, because I would be right all the time. But second, because I have an arrogant, snotty attitude about politics. So some dork would be all 'Hillary will be the next president!', and I would be all 'I don't know what you're smoking, but I would like a hit.' And they'd be all 'McCain's gonna pick Lieberman!', and I'd be all: 'I hope he does, because he would LOSE. But seriously, he's old, but he doesn't have dementia.' People would tune into anything I was on because they'd want to know what crazy shit I'd say next. I would banter (and probably get my ass kicked, but you never know) with Stephen Colbert. It would, quite simply, be awesome.
I'm prepared to submit my application and resume of being right and being a snarky bitch, I just need to know who's hiring.
The pundits this election cycle have been wrong, wrong, wrong about everything -- and not in a 'oh, anyone could have made that mistake' sort of way. No, in a flagrant 'what the hell are you smoking?' sort of way. Hillary as VP? What the hell? Why? How would that not COMPLETELY SINK Obama's campaign?! And while I'm at it, an even distant possibility of Hillary being elected President? What, with the religious right thinking that she's the female embodiment of Satan? And more recently, what are the chances, even remote ones, that McCain, currently under fire for being wealthy and out of touch, would pick Romney for his VP? Especially since a Mormon would mean he would lose any faint chance he has of grabbing the evangelical vote? What are the chances, even remote ones, that he'd pick Lieberman, who everyone hates already, and who many Republicans see as a Liberal. (Plus: Jewish? Also no help with the evangelicals).
I, on the other hand, have been right, right, right. I didn't call Joe Biden -- although once the probable rationale for choosing him was explained to me, I saw why he was such a good choice -- but I did call that McCain would have to pick a woman to try and siphon the 'I want to help make history' vote, which I think is larger than most people would think and it primarily made up of 'swing voters', and also try and grab some Hillary supporters who are too stupid to see that a McCain presidency would mean they could kiss Roe vs. Wade goodbye.
I didn't call Palin, but I did hear her name bandied about as a concrete possibility on the Straight Dope message boards, so it's not like any of the pundits couldn't have seen it coming. Some goober on a message board did. But nevertheless, all the news articles I've seen about the choice have been all 'OMG! What a surprise! NO ONE COULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING!'
Oh yeah? With access to the kind of information that pundits have, coupled with the kind of information I get from goobers on message boards, I would have not only seen in coming in general, like I did (with the 'he has to pick a woman' and also the 'he needs someone who can shore up his support with the evangelicas', which she will), I would have known it would be her. She's a very good pick, and it's not like the McCain campaign is run by five year olds, despite what it may appear.
So here's what I'm thinking: I would make an awesome pundit. First, because I would be right all the time. But second, because I have an arrogant, snotty attitude about politics. So some dork would be all 'Hillary will be the next president!', and I would be all 'I don't know what you're smoking, but I would like a hit.' And they'd be all 'McCain's gonna pick Lieberman!', and I'd be all: 'I hope he does, because he would LOSE. But seriously, he's old, but he doesn't have dementia.' People would tune into anything I was on because they'd want to know what crazy shit I'd say next. I would banter (and probably get my ass kicked, but you never know) with Stephen Colbert. It would, quite simply, be awesome.
I'm prepared to submit my application and resume of being right and being a snarky bitch, I just need to know who's hiring.