Eternal (Fucking Frustration)
Today, nickel noted that when I'm designing a difficult project, there's a progression that happens. At first, I'm very excited, if somewhat trepedatious, about the work ahead of me. Then, literally seconds later, I hit my first stumbling block. At first, I bear the confusion gracefully,try again, hit the same stumbling block, get increasingly confused, try again... until I start to despair that the project is going to work at all. This is the big testing point, the point that determines whether I really love the idea enough to beat my head against the obstacles until I can make it work, or whether it's time to move on. If I really, really love the idea, then I will move from despairing to FUCKING PISSED, I will swear up a storm and then get determined that dammit, I am going to do whatever it takes, no matter how much work it takes, to make the project work. This is followed by grim determination and a LOT more swearing, and then finally an epipheny, when all is suddenly right with the world and the project that I was cursing up a storm at a moment ago is the coolest, most perfect, most BEAUTIFUL project evar! YAY! This continues for a while, with my excitement and joy growing and growing, until I hit the next stumbling block, at which point the whole thing repeats.
So yeah, that about describes the way I spent about the last three hours. At this point, I'm well on my way, working on cearalaith's wedding present. (Don't worry, I'm not spoiling the surprise here. She knows about this -- I would never do it without bringing it up first.) I love this project. It's a shawl in the shetland style (although a triangle rather than a square) which I have named 'Eternal'. I like this name, beacause it can be lengthened to 'Eternal Fucking Frustration', and I think that this dual name nicely describes both knitting and long-term relationships (such as marriage). You have to put a lot of effort into them both, and keep soldiering away even though sometimes you feel like you're running up against a brick wall and you just don't get what's wrong with the damn yarn/other person, and it/they are so out to get you. But then, if you keep working at it, there's this wonderful moment of epipheny, and suddenly you understand, and everything is even more wonderful than before the mess all started because now you appreciate the project/relationship on levels that you'd never even concieved of before.
It's probably more than a little fucked up that I have such an intense personal relationship with my knitting, but I never claimed to be normal.
So yeah, that about describes the way I spent about the last three hours. At this point, I'm well on my way, working on cearalaith's wedding present. (Don't worry, I'm not spoiling the surprise here. She knows about this -- I would never do it without bringing it up first.) I love this project. It's a shawl in the shetland style (although a triangle rather than a square) which I have named 'Eternal'. I like this name, beacause it can be lengthened to 'Eternal Fucking Frustration', and I think that this dual name nicely describes both knitting and long-term relationships (such as marriage). You have to put a lot of effort into them both, and keep soldiering away even though sometimes you feel like you're running up against a brick wall and you just don't get what's wrong with the damn yarn/other person, and it/they are so out to get you. But then, if you keep working at it, there's this wonderful moment of epipheny, and suddenly you understand, and everything is even more wonderful than before the mess all started because now you appreciate the project/relationship on levels that you'd never even concieved of before.
It's probably more than a little fucked up that I have such an intense personal relationship with my knitting, but I never claimed to be normal.