My 2009
I could look back in this journal and find what happened in 2009, but to do it from memory will show what I will remember and probably will always remember of 2009.
In the beginning, of 2009 that is! I had Tennis Elbow (since November), I was stressed, in pain, and couldn't do anything with my right arm, typing was hard, and I couldn't write. I was off work sick, was on no wage, and didn't know how long I would be in pain for, if I would have a job to go back to, or when I would be able to earn money.
In March I was still off, felt very depressed by then, couldn't do anything for myself. Steve would make me a cup of tea before he went to work, and then when the children came home they made me another drink. They cooked tea and washed up and did everything.
Mum and Dad needed me to do things, but I couldn't and that was also stressful. I remember talking to my Dr about everything and he told me I needed to remove all stresses from my life or I would be ill. I remember feeling numb, just not caring about anything, I was sick and fed up and couldn't to anything.
The managers from work had been round and told me that they could no longer keep my job open and if I couldn't give them a date for my return in the next 2 weeks I would not have a job! I went to the Dr. a couple of days later, and he signed me off for another month! SO, I would not be returning to work in the next 2 weeks then!! I decided that I would hand in my notice, as I didn't want my reason for leaving to be Tennis Elbow!
After I had handed in my notice, I was so relieved! Okay, I had been stressed about going back, I wanted to work to earn money, but I hated the job and some of the people. And why did I work in a bank, I hated banks, but at the time it was a job! And I thought I needed to work.
When I started to get the use back in my arm it was a great feeling, I went mad, back to making things again. I was happy that I wasn't tied to a job where I was paid £175 a week for working up to 50hrs a week, being out of the house for nearly 12 hours a day. But worried that money would be tight. And I always had lots of stress in the background with Mum & Dad.
In March I dyed my hair purple to cheer me up! It has been purple or pink ever since :-)
Early April, a couple of days after I had been signed off from Physio I went Roller Skating. First time in 24ish years, with my friend Sarah, my friend from School that I had always skated with as a child. I fell over and broke my arm! My left arm! Both bones in my arm!! So, my right arm was very week, and now I couldn't use my left! FUN! I was at the stage where I could manage to lift half a cup of tea in my right! and was just about able to hold cutlery!
In the background here I was still having urges to look for a job, although I didn't really want to work. In May 2008 I was looking for a job, I broke my foot! In Nov 2008 I had a job, but got Tennis Elbow and ended up without a job. In April 2009 I started thinking about working and looking for a job again - I broke my arm!!
In July Dad was taken into hospital, over the next few months he had lots of things wrong with him, the whole situation was very stressful, he kept trying to come home, but was so ill that he ended up back in hospital within days, he just wanted to be at home, but was too ill to be looked after at home. He went into a home in September, we thought it would be better for him, a halfway house between hospital and home, to build up his strength, the last time I saw him he looked a bit stronger, he was still really negative and had been caught with a blade that day that he told me he had as he planned on killing himself! We tried to make arrangements to get him home, had an appointment on the 22nd October, but on the same day he was rushed into hospital, where he passed away the following morning. It was such a shock, he had always been ill, since 1983, and he had always got better, why was this time going to be any different?
Since then it has been so difficult, going through the grieving process, but trying to sort out all the paperwork, and trying to be there for my Mum. Dad did everything, Mum hasn't left the house for 7yrs! And now I seem to have taken Dads place in doing all the management of the house etc. I know Mum is unwell, but she is not as unwell as she thinks. I really wish she would make an effort to help herself, but se won't even meet me halfway.
So that is my 2009!! Or is it, there must have been something positive??
Well, in March I saw Apop, and it has cheered me up with the positive emails I have had from Stp (the singer), in June we got a new allotment, in september i did loads of foraging and have made loads of wine and jam and chutney. I think its over 80 jars of jam, enough wine brewing for 90+ bottles, about 20 jars of chutney. I would say we had a nice holiday, but Stevie had swine flu, and I ended up coming home for a day as 2 chickens had died. I discovered cross stitch. And I have a lovely husband and 3 children, who are all trying at times, but I wouldn't be without them.
So 2009, not a good year.
Looking forward to some real positives in 2010!
In the beginning, of 2009 that is! I had Tennis Elbow (since November), I was stressed, in pain, and couldn't do anything with my right arm, typing was hard, and I couldn't write. I was off work sick, was on no wage, and didn't know how long I would be in pain for, if I would have a job to go back to, or when I would be able to earn money.
In March I was still off, felt very depressed by then, couldn't do anything for myself. Steve would make me a cup of tea before he went to work, and then when the children came home they made me another drink. They cooked tea and washed up and did everything.
Mum and Dad needed me to do things, but I couldn't and that was also stressful. I remember talking to my Dr about everything and he told me I needed to remove all stresses from my life or I would be ill. I remember feeling numb, just not caring about anything, I was sick and fed up and couldn't to anything.
The managers from work had been round and told me that they could no longer keep my job open and if I couldn't give them a date for my return in the next 2 weeks I would not have a job! I went to the Dr. a couple of days later, and he signed me off for another month! SO, I would not be returning to work in the next 2 weeks then!! I decided that I would hand in my notice, as I didn't want my reason for leaving to be Tennis Elbow!
After I had handed in my notice, I was so relieved! Okay, I had been stressed about going back, I wanted to work to earn money, but I hated the job and some of the people. And why did I work in a bank, I hated banks, but at the time it was a job! And I thought I needed to work.
When I started to get the use back in my arm it was a great feeling, I went mad, back to making things again. I was happy that I wasn't tied to a job where I was paid £175 a week for working up to 50hrs a week, being out of the house for nearly 12 hours a day. But worried that money would be tight. And I always had lots of stress in the background with Mum & Dad.
In March I dyed my hair purple to cheer me up! It has been purple or pink ever since :-)
Early April, a couple of days after I had been signed off from Physio I went Roller Skating. First time in 24ish years, with my friend Sarah, my friend from School that I had always skated with as a child. I fell over and broke my arm! My left arm! Both bones in my arm!! So, my right arm was very week, and now I couldn't use my left! FUN! I was at the stage where I could manage to lift half a cup of tea in my right! and was just about able to hold cutlery!
In the background here I was still having urges to look for a job, although I didn't really want to work. In May 2008 I was looking for a job, I broke my foot! In Nov 2008 I had a job, but got Tennis Elbow and ended up without a job. In April 2009 I started thinking about working and looking for a job again - I broke my arm!!
In July Dad was taken into hospital, over the next few months he had lots of things wrong with him, the whole situation was very stressful, he kept trying to come home, but was so ill that he ended up back in hospital within days, he just wanted to be at home, but was too ill to be looked after at home. He went into a home in September, we thought it would be better for him, a halfway house between hospital and home, to build up his strength, the last time I saw him he looked a bit stronger, he was still really negative and had been caught with a blade that day that he told me he had as he planned on killing himself! We tried to make arrangements to get him home, had an appointment on the 22nd October, but on the same day he was rushed into hospital, where he passed away the following morning. It was such a shock, he had always been ill, since 1983, and he had always got better, why was this time going to be any different?
Since then it has been so difficult, going through the grieving process, but trying to sort out all the paperwork, and trying to be there for my Mum. Dad did everything, Mum hasn't left the house for 7yrs! And now I seem to have taken Dads place in doing all the management of the house etc. I know Mum is unwell, but she is not as unwell as she thinks. I really wish she would make an effort to help herself, but se won't even meet me halfway.
So that is my 2009!! Or is it, there must have been something positive??
Well, in March I saw Apop, and it has cheered me up with the positive emails I have had from Stp (the singer), in June we got a new allotment, in september i did loads of foraging and have made loads of wine and jam and chutney. I think its over 80 jars of jam, enough wine brewing for 90+ bottles, about 20 jars of chutney. I would say we had a nice holiday, but Stevie had swine flu, and I ended up coming home for a day as 2 chickens had died. I discovered cross stitch. And I have a lovely husband and 3 children, who are all trying at times, but I wouldn't be without them.
So 2009, not a good year.
Looking forward to some real positives in 2010!