[public!] picspam - michael - stargate atlantis
Done for stargateland's challenge of "Villain Manifesto" - cover your favorite Stargate villain. Kind of couldn't help myself.
Subject: Michael the Hybrid (you'll see a bit of Teyla though - possibly shippy?)
Serious business or laughy taffy: Both. I did the photos to be serious, but the story following each spam is going to be cracky. xD
WHY MICHAEL?: He gets no love! Or not much. Also, I feel really bad for his character's plight. Finally, because it's Connor Trinneer. ♥
(Right click + hit "view image" if you want to see a larger version.)
"Atlantis?" Mike says it sounds familiar. Only because he planned a BBQ via Atlantis, if you catch my drift. As Michael hangs around town, he makes nice with Teyla and manages to get Ronon super-duper RAGE all in one day. See, Michael's a wraith, and everyone knows it. Er, former Wraith, I guess. Everyone else is thinking about how "he ain't got no alibi, he ugly, yeah yeah!" when they see him, but Teyla connects with him because they both have freaky-Wraith DNA.
Sucks for Atlantis, because guess who figures out that he's a former Wraith thanks to super lax craptastic security guards? Michael gets to be a lean, mean fightin' machine as his instincts start to come back. Later on after Atlantis is like "okay, this guy's gettin' out of control" they strap him to a bed, and Teyla comes in all sweet-like to feed him, except he's got a different kind of feeding in mind. Using his super crazy Wraith mind powers (nobody saw this coming!?) he gets Teyla to untie him and they run off together through the Stargate all romantic like.
...Except it's really not. Mike is thinking about some crispy fried Teyla-tots, as he's regressing back into a Wraith. He seems torn because he's on one hand all "ilu bb we totally understand one another" but on another hand, Teyla's starting to look like a cheeseburger. "i can has cheeseburger?" thoughts take over, but he's riddled with bullets before he can eat. Sorry, Mike.
More mistakes of the epic scale happen when the Atlantis team for reasons that always go beyond me, honestly decide to try the experiment again despite how badly it went before, and you know - random no-name soldiers died. Oh well. Mike pretends to be 'human' for awhile until he can get the upper hand, and then what do you know?
He's baaaaaaaack. Poor little Beckett was silly enough to have sympathy for Mike, so Michael is all "rawr cheeseburger" but before that can happen, Mike is again thwarted by Atlantis when they rescue our little Doc and take off. This was also the time that Michael apparently got some clone!DNA but that's a completely different story. Better luck next time, Mike. At least they didn't blow up the planet before you guys escaped, though!
The next time we meet Michael, he's gone through some changes for sure. He's got a gross underground lab full of gross bug-like creatures that he's been messing with, because I suppose now that the Wraith won't accept him - and the humans are always going to be "eww, former Wraith" around him, he's decided to be a PURIFIED RACE OF AWESOME. Aka hybrids. This, of course, means that he has to do research.
Of course, while the team is underground, Mike kidnaps Teyla as usual and let's one of his precious buggers out to get it's Teyla-tots fix, but Ronon ruins the mood and shoots it. Get used to this guys, because Michael is completely obsessed between her "betrayal" and how they're "more alike than anyone else." The team gets the hell out of dodge once they realize it's a big experimental planet and that there are bugs everywhere, and Mike is shown again. It's later pointed out that Michael abandoned this particular research, as he had a bit of a bug problem with no exterminator in the area.
Michael starts up his creepy step-dance with Teyla again, but she says he's a horrible dancer, so he puts her in jail. He's created his own Hybrids from Human DNA and is really feeling confident about his looks by this point. Unfortunately, one of his Hybrids is Kanaan, Teyla's dorky hubby that she could break with her pinkie. This means that she's generally more focused on Kanaan than Michael (seriously? Crazy woman) but no matter - Mike wants that baby. He's especially sweet to Teyla now, no longer seeing her as a cheeseburger, but a woman.
He makes a gross Wraith-like "baby ultrasound" and straps Teyla down (she'd beat the hell out of him, even pregnant) and coos and awws over the little baby, and yet has no remorse about killing people in all of his wicked experiments. Teyla's like "it's my baby!" and Michael's all "oh no, sweetums! it's mine. I HAS PLANS, BB." "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." Teyla isn't amused, so Mike shuts up.
Remember clone!Beckett I mentioned before? Being the nice guy that Beckett is, he tries to rescue Teyla-tots from mean ol' Mike, but he's unable to as Michael "created" him in a sense, so Beckett's all "oh noes" and Mike's all "oh yes ♥" and Teyla's all "...is this a three-parter, or something?" Sorry, Teyla. Totally is.
In this episode, Mike's wondering if he should make room for a nursery in the hive, and is imagining decorating it with pretty pink goop splashes and gross red-blood paints and icky sticky wallpaper. Truth is? Mike wanted to be an interior decorator before Atlantis abducted him, but thanks to their twisted experiment, Mike has shed his former, docile ways and has dedicated his life to getting them back and hooking up with Teyla. He's interrupted by the Atlantis gang while he's thinking about splashes of goop here and splashes of mush there, and Kanaan is all...
Kanaan: So, they're kind of wiping all of us hybrids out, bro.
Michael: So what?
Kanaan: They're our brothers, man!
Michael: LMAO - thanks for that, I needed a day brightener! despite this being space. and it's all dark and goopy in here.
Audience: /facepalm as it's obvious some hybrids might by upset by this
Hybrids: We're incredibly upset by this!
Michael: inb4 you being upset *jumps in a puddlejumper and escapes*
In the meantime, Teyla has her baby thanks to Rodney McKay, and thankfully for the troupe, the baby stays ever so silent as they escape from the hive, although not with their puddlejumper, because Mike stole it. Either way, Kanaan (lame hubby) escapes with them, and Mike's ship be destroyed. (Although Michael escaped first MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.)
In Michael bb's final episode, he truly shows his weirdness when it comes to Teyla and her baby.
Teyla: 'sup?
Michael: Oh, your baby is so beautiful. /stares
Teyla: NEVAAAAAAAR!
Michael: Pretty please? With goop on top?
Teyla: nope! *sticks tongue out*
Michael: but. but. I love you, Teyla! :D :D I finally realized it! That's why I've been strapping you to tables, trying to kill you, trying to steal your baby, trying to kill your friends, etc. It was all out of my love for you! ♥ ♥ :D
Teyla: You make me lol.
Micahel: YOU BITCH, I HATE YOU. I'M TAKIN' YA'LL KID WHETHER YA'LL LIKE IT OR NOT - THAT'S MY BAYYYBAY.
Audience: O___________O
Teyla: Why do you sound Southern so suddenly?
Michael: /trip tucker
Even the awesomeness of being Trip Tucker and Michael at the same time can't save poor Mikey, as Teyla knocks him off the roof-top. Bye, Mike. ♥
Subject: Michael the Hybrid (you'll see a bit of Teyla though - possibly shippy?)
Serious business or laughy taffy: Both. I did the photos to be serious, but the story following each spam is going to be cracky. xD
WHY MICHAEL?: He gets no love! Or not much. Also, I feel really bad for his character's plight. Finally, because it's Connor Trinneer. ♥
(Right click + hit "view image" if you want to see a larger version.)
"Atlantis?" Mike says it sounds familiar. Only because he planned a BBQ via Atlantis, if you catch my drift. As Michael hangs around town, he makes nice with Teyla and manages to get Ronon super-duper RAGE all in one day. See, Michael's a wraith, and everyone knows it. Er, former Wraith, I guess. Everyone else is thinking about how "he ain't got no alibi, he ugly, yeah yeah!" when they see him, but Teyla connects with him because they both have freaky-Wraith DNA.
Sucks for Atlantis, because guess who figures out that he's a former Wraith thanks to super lax craptastic security guards? Michael gets to be a lean, mean fightin' machine as his instincts start to come back. Later on after Atlantis is like "okay, this guy's gettin' out of control" they strap him to a bed, and Teyla comes in all sweet-like to feed him, except he's got a different kind of feeding in mind. Using his super crazy Wraith mind powers (nobody saw this coming!?) he gets Teyla to untie him and they run off together through the Stargate all romantic like.
...Except it's really not. Mike is thinking about some crispy fried Teyla-tots, as he's regressing back into a Wraith. He seems torn because he's on one hand all "ilu bb we totally understand one another" but on another hand, Teyla's starting to look like a cheeseburger. "i can has cheeseburger?" thoughts take over, but he's riddled with bullets before he can eat. Sorry, Mike.
More mistakes of the epic scale happen when the Atlantis team for reasons that always go beyond me, honestly decide to try the experiment again despite how badly it went before, and you know - random no-name soldiers died. Oh well. Mike pretends to be 'human' for awhile until he can get the upper hand, and then what do you know?
He's baaaaaaaack. Poor little Beckett was silly enough to have sympathy for Mike, so Michael is all "rawr cheeseburger" but before that can happen, Mike is again thwarted by Atlantis when they rescue our little Doc and take off. This was also the time that Michael apparently got some clone!DNA but that's a completely different story. Better luck next time, Mike. At least they didn't blow up the planet before you guys escaped, though!
The next time we meet Michael, he's gone through some changes for sure. He's got a gross underground lab full of gross bug-like creatures that he's been messing with, because I suppose now that the Wraith won't accept him - and the humans are always going to be "eww, former Wraith" around him, he's decided to be a PURIFIED RACE OF AWESOME. Aka hybrids. This, of course, means that he has to do research.
Of course, while the team is underground, Mike kidnaps Teyla as usual and let's one of his precious buggers out to get it's Teyla-tots fix, but Ronon ruins the mood and shoots it. Get used to this guys, because Michael is completely obsessed between her "betrayal" and how they're "more alike than anyone else." The team gets the hell out of dodge once they realize it's a big experimental planet and that there are bugs everywhere, and Mike is shown again. It's later pointed out that Michael abandoned this particular research, as he had a bit of a bug problem with no exterminator in the area.
Michael starts up his creepy step-dance with Teyla again, but she says he's a horrible dancer, so he puts her in jail. He's created his own Hybrids from Human DNA and is really feeling confident about his looks by this point. Unfortunately, one of his Hybrids is Kanaan, Teyla's dorky hubby that she could break with her pinkie. This means that she's generally more focused on Kanaan than Michael (seriously? Crazy woman) but no matter - Mike wants that baby. He's especially sweet to Teyla now, no longer seeing her as a cheeseburger, but a woman.
He makes a gross Wraith-like "baby ultrasound" and straps Teyla down (she'd beat the hell out of him, even pregnant) and coos and awws over the little baby, and yet has no remorse about killing people in all of his wicked experiments. Teyla's like "it's my baby!" and Michael's all "oh no, sweetums! it's mine. I HAS PLANS, BB." "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." Teyla isn't amused, so Mike shuts up.
Remember clone!Beckett I mentioned before? Being the nice guy that Beckett is, he tries to rescue Teyla-tots from mean ol' Mike, but he's unable to as Michael "created" him in a sense, so Beckett's all "oh noes" and Mike's all "oh yes ♥" and Teyla's all "...is this a three-parter, or something?" Sorry, Teyla. Totally is.
In this episode, Mike's wondering if he should make room for a nursery in the hive, and is imagining decorating it with pretty pink goop splashes and gross red-blood paints and icky sticky wallpaper. Truth is? Mike wanted to be an interior decorator before Atlantis abducted him, but thanks to their twisted experiment, Mike has shed his former, docile ways and has dedicated his life to getting them back and hooking up with Teyla. He's interrupted by the Atlantis gang while he's thinking about splashes of goop here and splashes of mush there, and Kanaan is all...
Kanaan: So, they're kind of wiping all of us hybrids out, bro.
Michael: So what?
Kanaan: They're our brothers, man!
Michael: LMAO - thanks for that, I needed a day brightener! despite this being space. and it's all dark and goopy in here.
Audience: /facepalm as it's obvious some hybrids might by upset by this
Hybrids: We're incredibly upset by this!
Michael: inb4 you being upset *jumps in a puddlejumper and escapes*
In the meantime, Teyla has her baby thanks to Rodney McKay, and thankfully for the troupe, the baby stays ever so silent as they escape from the hive, although not with their puddlejumper, because Mike stole it. Either way, Kanaan (lame hubby) escapes with them, and Mike's ship be destroyed. (Although Michael escaped first MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.)
In Michael bb's final episode, he truly shows his weirdness when it comes to Teyla and her baby.
Teyla: 'sup?
Michael: Oh, your baby is so beautiful. /stares
Teyla: NEVAAAAAAAR!
Michael: Pretty please? With goop on top?
Teyla: nope! *sticks tongue out*
Michael: but. but. I love you, Teyla! :D :D I finally realized it! That's why I've been strapping you to tables, trying to kill you, trying to steal your baby, trying to kill your friends, etc. It was all out of my love for you! ♥ ♥ :D
Teyla: You make me lol.
Micahel: YOU BITCH, I HATE YOU. I'M TAKIN' YA'LL KID WHETHER YA'LL LIKE IT OR NOT - THAT'S MY BAYYYBAY.
Audience: O___________O
Teyla: Why do you sound Southern so suddenly?
Michael: /trip tucker
Even the awesomeness of being Trip Tucker and Michael at the same time can't save poor Mikey, as Teyla knocks him off the roof-top. Bye, Mike. ♥