(no subject)
It's interesting this "new guests to my journal" feature they've got going on now. All these usernames of people I don't know who've been peering in, funnily enough on more than one occasion most of them. Surely they must be disappointed. It made me realise how much of what I've done lately here on LJ has been hidden, friends only or filtered even further down than that. I've come a long way from those very open days early on LJ, where I was stalked by friends past, chastised for what I revealed about my relationships with them. It's not that I'm hiding away, but I think I've got a bit more of a sense of what's mine at the moment. I don't necessarily want or need the whole world to know it all. That's why I never write anything of substance over on Facebook, and why this is the place I choose to write, even if I don't write as prolifically as I did years ago.
So it's for those people in a way that I decided to write this entry out in the open. It's personal, but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if it was read by friends past or randoms.
The health stuff continues. I got to the point where I wasn't really trusting in my doctor any more. I checked my blood pressure at the chemist and it was still high. My doctor hadn't wanted to see me for another two months, and I thought "What now?" Sure I could make another appointment, but shouldn't she have been calling for that having just put me on new medication?
So I found another women's clinic and saw a new doctor today. I really like her. She's fairly young and Italian and warm, and perhaps most importantly switched on. She wants thorough bloodwork so we can see what we're dealing with. It's smart but oh so scary. Needles are my one big fear, bigger than any other. I haven't had blood taken since I was a baby, and I'm trying hard not to let all thoughts of it overwhelm me. But I know it's smart, so there's that.
She also wants to take me off the Pill for the time being. It can elevate blood pressure, particularly if you're skipping sugar pills as I do. So she wants to see how that works. She's got a plan, and that's lovely. I'm a bit scared of dealing with my hormones and natural cycle, but it also makes sense. It's another of the things Mum mentioned she'd do.
So I have confidence in this doctor, and that's good. But there's a lot that's come out of our meeting that's very frightening.
I've had one session with my counsellor so far, and I've got another booked in tomorrow. In the meantime I've been doing the guided meditations she sent me, and I think they're helping. We had a few incidences over the weekend where I would have ordinarily melted down, and I think I handled them a lot better. It's early days, but I'm hopeful she can help me get a handle on this anxiety. What a shame I have to see Dr Druce again if I want to continue seeing her - she needs to do the review in the middle as I started this process with her. I hate that, but it is what it is. I'll ask her about strategies going into these blood tests, which I should probably do sooner rather than later so I have a shorter time to stress. Any of your thoughts about getting into a better place and preparing would be greatly appreciated though.
So it's for those people in a way that I decided to write this entry out in the open. It's personal, but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if it was read by friends past or randoms.
The health stuff continues. I got to the point where I wasn't really trusting in my doctor any more. I checked my blood pressure at the chemist and it was still high. My doctor hadn't wanted to see me for another two months, and I thought "What now?" Sure I could make another appointment, but shouldn't she have been calling for that having just put me on new medication?
So I found another women's clinic and saw a new doctor today. I really like her. She's fairly young and Italian and warm, and perhaps most importantly switched on. She wants thorough bloodwork so we can see what we're dealing with. It's smart but oh so scary. Needles are my one big fear, bigger than any other. I haven't had blood taken since I was a baby, and I'm trying hard not to let all thoughts of it overwhelm me. But I know it's smart, so there's that.
She also wants to take me off the Pill for the time being. It can elevate blood pressure, particularly if you're skipping sugar pills as I do. So she wants to see how that works. She's got a plan, and that's lovely. I'm a bit scared of dealing with my hormones and natural cycle, but it also makes sense. It's another of the things Mum mentioned she'd do.
So I have confidence in this doctor, and that's good. But there's a lot that's come out of our meeting that's very frightening.
I've had one session with my counsellor so far, and I've got another booked in tomorrow. In the meantime I've been doing the guided meditations she sent me, and I think they're helping. We had a few incidences over the weekend where I would have ordinarily melted down, and I think I handled them a lot better. It's early days, but I'm hopeful she can help me get a handle on this anxiety. What a shame I have to see Dr Druce again if I want to continue seeing her - she needs to do the review in the middle as I started this process with her. I hate that, but it is what it is. I'll ask her about strategies going into these blood tests, which I should probably do sooner rather than later so I have a shorter time to stress. Any of your thoughts about getting into a better place and preparing would be greatly appreciated though.