Who I really am!
I'm not the girl everyone wants to be, hell half of the time I'm not even sure I am. I know I'm not perfect, I know I want to be. I write poems, I cry, I cut, I threw up, I don't eat and I do it all with a smile on my face to let everyone know I have my life under control. I don't have my life in control. It seems like everyday is a new disaster, I wish that sometimes I could just take it all away, or make things better. People take advantage of me, people walk over me, people hate me, and I take it like the little bitch that I am. I sit here and become everything I hate in this world, I allow myself to be taken away and no one cares. My "friends" are to busy with there more important friends to care about me. I honestly don't fit into a certain group of people, and sometimes I wish I did. I just want a few people out in this world to hear me out, to listen to me with out automatically passing judgement over me. That seems to be the only thing people can do these days. They can so easily by fooled by the little facade I put on, they are so fucking lost from the real me. People assume they know me becasue they have one conversation with me, and they don't. I'm not honest, I'm not real, I'm not the Allyson that everyone on the outside world sees. I hate myself most of the time, but I hate to hate myself, but even more I hate for others to hate me, becasue honestly I try so fucking hard to make everyone happy. I hate when people call me selfish because I would give up everything i had for another person. Well that is me, think what you'd like, but yeah!