Feelin Lonely :(
I have tried a couple times to reach out but no response. No one understands what i'm going through. I sacrificed my family for him. And in the end my mom suffered, I lost him, and I lost a good chunk of my life. Important years are gone that I will never get back. So how do I move on? How do I move forward? On top of that I lost my job at the same time. It doesn't get any better or easier. It is so hard right now and theres no one to really talk to. I don't tell a lot of my close friends whats going on because its hard to explain without breaking down. I feel like a failure. I recently changed my status on my social networks to single. I did it to let him and his family see that I've moved forward in hopes of him realizing what he lost. And I hoped that none of my friends would question it. I usually post things late at night so that when my friends go online so many posts have appeared after mine that they accidentally bypass it. Here I am worried about me and how I am going to move on in life, when I should be worried about the one person who's always been there for me no matter what. My mom. I try so hard to be strong for her. I fight back the tears when she cries. She's always telling me she's sorry that i have to change her, bathe her, feed her. It breaks my heart to hear that or to hear her crying because she realizes she can never walk again on her own, or to be independent. And sometimes we get mad or frustrated with her. Its not right, its not fair to either of us. I'm guessing this was God's plan to bring us together. I just wished it didn't happen to her. She didn't deserve this, and she doesn't deserve for us to treat her wrong on occasion. I know one thing, I will never leave her again. If he were to come back to me and tell me he wanted to be with me and get our own place, I wouldn't do it. I love him, but I love my mom more. I will not sacrifice anything for him again. It would be his turn to sacrifice his family/life for me.