Gran
Today was Grans funeral. I had considered visiting Gran to say 'goodbye' in the chapel of rest - on Saturday (the only day I could make it) I spent much of the day wondering do I go or don't I - after looking at the map and planning the journey it struck me to ask Gran her opinion - enough said - I was reminded how she felt when we visited her following her strokes in hospital - she was so embarassed, I swear if the ground could have opened up and swallowed her rather than allow her family to see her dependant she would have wished for it. So seeing her in the chapel of rest simply wasn't an option.
I didn't cry at the funeral - if anything I was rather smiley - not that I wasn't sad, but it's what she wanted. She had had enough fighting through the later years of her life, being dependant and without Grandad. I was happy that she was on the next stage of her journey - wherever she may be. But then I know others think I have a skewed perception of death and dying - much of grief is not about poor dead person, but about we hurt and will miss them. Yes I'll miss her, the last of her generation in our family, I remember some really silly things about Gran, but it's her death, her journey and I know she has wanted to make this step for some time.
Of course it was the usual case of meet lots of relatives you never knew you had etc - but then Aunt J told me how when she visited Gran in the final few weeks she would speak of her own relatives that had passed, her brothers, sisters, aunts etc - Aunt J would explain to her that X or Y wasn't there - and Gran would defiantly tell everyone around where that person was in the room and what they were wearing..... makes you think........(or supports what you may already think!)
But today I've learnt more than I ever knew about many of my forefathers (and mothers!) How my Great Great Grandmother drove the frist tram from Rawdon to Guisely - not just the first tram - but a woman driver! My Great Great Grandfather was an Alderman of Rawdon - nad local documents tell of how he was well liked and respected by employees and epmployers alike and how he often mediated between them, and how following his death - his funeral was like that of royalty - where the town fell silent and everyone lined the streets. My Gran and Grandad owned the wet fish shop in Yeadon high street for over 25 years and the locals remember them and the shop so well - no one has a bad word to say about either of them.
I've learnt more about my Gran - her work and life. Bits I already knew - but today I've learnt the full details and I really don't know where she found the time! When Gran moved into the care home al the family members were asked if there was anything in her house we would like - of all the daft things that I associated with my time at Grans there were 3 pot dogs of different sizes, but the same design - they used to sit around the fireplace, don't know why them specifically and not any of her other ornaments or trinkets - but whenever I think of Gran and Grandads I think of the pot dogs - so I asked for those. While moving her into the home she took them with her, dad broke the biggest. Now she has passed the remaining 2 now have pride of place in my home.
As special as they are - there is 1 thing so much more precious that I have found. It currently is in dad's care - Gran gave it to him before she deteriorated - and Aunt C refers to it as the wallpaper book. All it is is an empty A6 book filled with lined pages. Each line has been filled with a purchase (everything from coats and overalls to knickers, brown or navy - smashing, to bulbs and vans), event (births, deaths, marriages) and day to day stuff - such as relaying the shop floor, passing driving tests, taking exams, spring cleaning each room, decorating each room - in such detail as the number of wallpaper rolls (hence the books nicklname) to the cost or the item, material, shop bought from, who the handyman was that helped and so on. From the 1950's to present day. It would mean nothing to anyone else, probably classed as junk and thrown out - but it's the most fascinating thing I've ever read.
One bit I love;
1963
Oct 7th Bought budgie from pet shop. 25/= (don't forget tis pre decimalisation)
Oct 8th Budgie flew through kitchen window
Oct 9th Bought budgie from Mrs Bladwins
My Grans life in her own words - priceless