Will-ness Report - Week Twenty-One
Progress was slow, but at least there was progress (that was not a guarantee given my epicurean debauchery this weekend).
Current Weight: 161 pounds
Weekly Loss: .5 pounds
NET LOSS: 26 pounds
This weekend was our last chance for a "vacation" before BRF rehearsals start and we wanted to relax and enjoy ourselves, and for the most part we did exactly that. We certainly had fun at the Kite Festival and the Boerner Botanical Gardens, and we got the rest of our vegetable garden planted this weekend so we can now look forward to a summer of fresh, home-grown produce (homemade strawberry shortcake, anyone?). In terms of diet, we basically took the weekend off from worrying about weight loss and ate whatever we wanted, in whatever amounts we could successfully consume, at whatever time was convenient for us. This exercise was partially liberating and partially nerve-wracking. I enjoyed not having to write down everything I ate, worrying about whether or not the restaurant posted nutritional numbers, and it felt so good to order food exclusively for the way it tastes without worrying about whether it was "healthy" or not. Still, there was a nagging feeling chasing me all weekend long, a feeling that I was undoing months of hard work with this one short vacation from the strict discipline I've imposed on myself since January.
I don't think I can ever really completely forget about losing weight. Even after I finally hit my target weight, I'll be thinking about maintaining my weight and making sure the numbers on the scale don't creep back up. I know this Will-ness Goal is about changing lifestyle habits, but I'm worried that my weight will become an obsession that I will never be able to shake. The last time I became this obsessed by my weight, I was in college, biking 5 miles at the crack of dawn before my 8:00am dance class started, eating virtually nothing but lettuce, and berating myself for not having the fortitude to make myself throw up after experiencing a lapse of discipline by eating a huge slice of Pepperidge Farms chocolate cake. Yeah, I know. I make a lousy bulimic, thank God, but I've been somewhat anorexic before (not that I was ever skinny as a result of my misplaced willpower - another perceived failure) and I definitely don't want to get that obsessed with my weight ever again. Lucky for me, I don't think Carl will let me get that bad, but I can't stop thinking about food, or rather, not eating food. I want the habits I'm forming to healthy; I don't want to be obsessed. I want to feel normal again, and maybe once I reach maintenance mode I will, but for now I feel like I'm walking the edge of a slippery slope. My methods for losing weight are much, much healthier than any I've used in the past, but the mindset is still borderline, and that's something I need to change. The fact that I still managed to lose half a pound in spite of our trips to Macaroni Grill, Café Hollander, Kopp's Frozen Custard, Walker Bros. Pancake House, Emil's Tavern, and Culver's helps to assuage my (probably unreasonable) guilt, but the search for balance has barely begun.
I'm five weeks away from the midway point of the project. I'm sure there will be even more challenges to overcome, but overcoming unhealthy attitudes toward food and weight loss is definitely a big one that I will need to work on diligently - perhaps indefinitely. As I watch my progress slow down and my "cushion" gets smaller and smaller, I need to find that balance between discipline and obsession that will keep me on track without sending me over the edge. Wish me luck!
Current Weight: 161 pounds
Weekly Loss: .5 pounds
NET LOSS: 26 pounds
This weekend was our last chance for a "vacation" before BRF rehearsals start and we wanted to relax and enjoy ourselves, and for the most part we did exactly that. We certainly had fun at the Kite Festival and the Boerner Botanical Gardens, and we got the rest of our vegetable garden planted this weekend so we can now look forward to a summer of fresh, home-grown produce (homemade strawberry shortcake, anyone?). In terms of diet, we basically took the weekend off from worrying about weight loss and ate whatever we wanted, in whatever amounts we could successfully consume, at whatever time was convenient for us. This exercise was partially liberating and partially nerve-wracking. I enjoyed not having to write down everything I ate, worrying about whether or not the restaurant posted nutritional numbers, and it felt so good to order food exclusively for the way it tastes without worrying about whether it was "healthy" or not. Still, there was a nagging feeling chasing me all weekend long, a feeling that I was undoing months of hard work with this one short vacation from the strict discipline I've imposed on myself since January.
I don't think I can ever really completely forget about losing weight. Even after I finally hit my target weight, I'll be thinking about maintaining my weight and making sure the numbers on the scale don't creep back up. I know this Will-ness Goal is about changing lifestyle habits, but I'm worried that my weight will become an obsession that I will never be able to shake. The last time I became this obsessed by my weight, I was in college, biking 5 miles at the crack of dawn before my 8:00am dance class started, eating virtually nothing but lettuce, and berating myself for not having the fortitude to make myself throw up after experiencing a lapse of discipline by eating a huge slice of Pepperidge Farms chocolate cake. Yeah, I know. I make a lousy bulimic, thank God, but I've been somewhat anorexic before (not that I was ever skinny as a result of my misplaced willpower - another perceived failure) and I definitely don't want to get that obsessed with my weight ever again. Lucky for me, I don't think Carl will let me get that bad, but I can't stop thinking about food, or rather, not eating food. I want the habits I'm forming to healthy; I don't want to be obsessed. I want to feel normal again, and maybe once I reach maintenance mode I will, but for now I feel like I'm walking the edge of a slippery slope. My methods for losing weight are much, much healthier than any I've used in the past, but the mindset is still borderline, and that's something I need to change. The fact that I still managed to lose half a pound in spite of our trips to Macaroni Grill, Café Hollander, Kopp's Frozen Custard, Walker Bros. Pancake House, Emil's Tavern, and Culver's helps to assuage my (probably unreasonable) guilt, but the search for balance has barely begun.
I'm five weeks away from the midway point of the project. I'm sure there will be even more challenges to overcome, but overcoming unhealthy attitudes toward food and weight loss is definitely a big one that I will need to work on diligently - perhaps indefinitely. As I watch my progress slow down and my "cushion" gets smaller and smaller, I need to find that balance between discipline and obsession that will keep me on track without sending me over the edge. Wish me luck!