4.21 /4.22 a.k.a. I am not OK with it or moving on.

[purplemoongrl]

Warning:
This is an angry and bitter post so if you are not up to it, over the show or are OK with Michaels death, maybe you should stop reading now. I need to get it out of my system in order to find my inner positive self again that I am sure is still there somewhere deep down.

Nice family photos! Sand, sun, cheesy matching outfits...we could

Comments

[wrldpossibility]

Mo! I'm so glad you've emerged. I've missed you. I'm so glad you wrote this all out, because it must have felt good (and you make great points that I appreciate reading). For what it's worth, I would have still beta'ed it, although maybe you see me as a pariah now. *sad smile*

The beach pic you put up? Hardest part of PB for me to watch now. Because they're ALMOST there, and it hurts like hell every time I see it/watch it, you know? I felt that way to a lesser degree watching the shack scene in Fin del Camino, but of course then we had more PB to come.

What you say about the strike and how the show would have differed had Sarah not come back is very interesting stuff, because while I initially think, "No, I still would have wanted Sarah back for S4", I can also understand, because I always said that if one of them dies, I'd rather they both die. Now that we've been given this ending, I have changed my mind because a Sara death would have been pointless (but I know that's not what you meant...in your scenario, Sarah never came back to S4). I'm just boggling at my own switch of opinion.

Leaving Sara with her consolation prize baby was the biggest narrative cliché of all.

On this I disagree. A child is never a consolation prize, and if you're looking for the hope and faith that Michael left, it resides here. (For me...not for you, I understand.)

Very Not so briefly, concerning the grave scene. I can appreciate why it's hard for you to see them content/ok there, but for me, that's the only way this ending has been bearable. So I think that's interesting, how the same scene can comfort me and anger you. And this is why I love LJ and people willing to share their opinions.

If we'd seen them all anguished even 4 years later, it would have made me feel the writers were rubbing my face in M's death. And from what you say here, seeing them content rubs your face in it! Bizarre, isn't it? *hugs you*

I felt that the way they did it gave a gentler touch. And while you (and others) have rejected their emotions at that scene as true to life (which is your right), I don't know if that's fair. Everyone's situation with grief is different, and that take on it can be as genuine as outright despair. I think The Final Break will give us that raw emotion (for those of us who watch it) and while it will be hard for me to see, I do want to see it, because that sort of honor to M was missing from the finale. (In other words, it was hard to go from "M's alive to oh, he's dead, and they're ok with it.") I need that between stuff. So I'm going to write it, because of course she was not ok for a long time, and I'd posit she still, four years later, has plenty of days she can't get out of bed. I know you won't be reading that, but know that I do agree with you that it matters...that it happened.

As for whether M 'had' to die at the end, and whether it was justified, etc, that's an individual call and I've already blabbed my opinion in my LJ so I won't spam yours with it too. *g* But I think it's interesting, because it has a lot to do with how each individual views death. For me, there are bigger things than death, worse fates than death, etc, and I'd like to think those at the graveside four years later thought so too. That's just my opinion, and how I view this finale.

Last question for you, because I want to understand where you're coming from: why do you reject the idea that Went was onboard for this ending? Or do you? Maybe I've misunderstood. It seemed like he was. And please understand: I am not one of those people you spoke of who think 'Went liked it, so I will like it'. But thinking he likes it is nice because then I don't think TPTB were bullying him, or being vindictive like they were with HIAB? I'm just curious as to your thoughts.

Again, thank you for sharing, Mo. I know I went on and on, and you don't have to address it all. But at least know that I am sad too. Just because I agree with the end doesn't mean it's not heartbreaking to me.

[purplemoongrl]

maybe you see me as a pariah now.

No. Why because we have a different opinion? I didn't want impose my bitter rant on you because I know you feel very differently.

I can not address all because my head is spinning now but a couple of things stood out.

I think my take on death, religion and mourning has very much influenced my hate for this ending and maybe that is why I don't get it. *lightbulb moment* Religion is never part of my thinking and though I always got a lot of religious symbolism from the show. Michael as the one who sacrifices himself I never thought of it literary.
For me there is no life after death so he is gone for me and when you mourn a person in that way you have to deal with the fact that you never going to see them again and that is a horrible aspect and I speak from experience not once but several times. I keep forgetting that people who are religious will see that fundamentally differently, including the writers.

A child is never a consolation prize, and if you're looking for the hope and faith that Michael left, it resides here. (For me...not for you, I understand.)

Of course I know that but they wrote the pregnancy in because he would die and I think that is not only a big narrative cliche but also very bleak because of course she loves him but if you have a baby when you a mourning the death of a partner that is one of the cruelest and hardest things in life IMHO.

I don't have a problem with Went being OK with this but I do have a problem with the writers hiding behind the actors. If this ending is so great, they should embrace it and not hide behind the lead actor who is also, much more like them, the spokes person for this show. I also, and you know this, have a huge problem with tabloids and copie-pasting interviews going around and making Went saying that he wanted Michael to die when in fact he said that only once before S4.

I have to come back to this later Amy because it is a lot of info at once and I have the feeling that I haven't addressed any of your points and I want to. Sorry.

I know that you are sad as well and for different reasons as I am so thanks for sharing.

[chatty_cat]

*butts in*

For me there is no life after death so he is gone for me and when you mourn a person in that way you have to deal with the fact that you never going to see them again and that is a horrible aspect and I speak from experience not once but several times. I keep forgetting that people who are religious will see that fundamentally differently, including the writers.

This is very interesting. I am not an overly religious person, but I do believe in God and an afterlife. Something I have always found comforting is that I will see that loved one again, and it's just like biding time. Almost like they have gone on a long trip. For me, this feeling was not immidiate, but after a while it developed and it is very comforting.

[purplemoongrl]

For me, this feeling was not immidiate, but after a while it developed and it is very comforting.

I think that makes a lot of difference and sense because one of the most difficult things for me, as an Atheist, is the finality of death and that colors how I see Michael's death as well.

[wrldpossibility]

Interesting conversation here, you two. *g* For me, I don't think I interjected my religious beliefs into it, but rather Sara's...because that's all that applies. And I don't see her as a very religious person. So I never entertained a 'life after death' viewpoint at all. Rather, I think after all she's been through, Sara can appriciate that some things are more important than living, OR at least that Michael felt that way. But I do imagine she spent lots of time during those 4 years we didn't see angry with him for what he did, as well as with fate, etc.

[purplemoongrl]

I had dinner and coffee so I hope I am more focused:

- I think I would have preferred if she was dead now but I am torn because I loved having her around this season so much and I loved all of of their scenes together. For me the relationship between them came across of that of two people who wanted to be together so badly that now the thought of her being left behind and him having to do that is almost unbearable just like it was when SHE was 'dead' and her having a child is not helping that for me.

- The graveyard scene was way too soon after the beach scene and the nose bleed way too soon after the I am happy right now. It added to the unnecessary cruelness of it all and on top of that he died before MJ was born so I felt like they could never have a break and that angers me so much.

- Like I said the moving on was extremely painful for me and added to the devastation because IMO, and I am aware that that is very colored by personal expedience, they glossed over the realness and rawness of death and maybe we get to see that on DVD but the majority of the fans will not and the TV ending is the story, the DVD is an extra for the fans.

You know what, I just want him back!!! It is that simple.

I hope I made some sense and thanks again for your comment Amy.

[wrldpossibility]

Good points! But you didn't have to come back to this if it was too much talking...you know I just go on and on. I love analyzing these characters so much.

So. Yes, to just about all of this. The aspect of the finale that felt the most painful to me, like a slap, to be honest, is the lack of time between the beach and the nosebleed. As we've discussed, I was ok with the time between the beach and the grave, because of those four years, but damn if those years aren't intriguing to me now. I want AT them. *g*

They DID gloss over the rawness of death, but I think we'll get that in the DVD. I don't care that it's only for the fans...I don't think the casual viewer is invested enough to worry about. One thing I thought of the other day: the casual viewer has no way of knowing M eventually dies in a sacrificing way, in addition to from the tumor. To them, he just dies from the tumor, since it's never explained otherwise, right? That's odd, but I asked my mom, a casual viewer, and she didn't find that confusing. I guess we really are too invested, all of us here. Hmm.

I think it was a very different situation when Sara was dead, but for me, I think it comes down to this: this time, it was at the end. Had Sara died right now in the end, I think I'd be equally sad, but not more so.

But who knows. Either way: You know what, I just want him back!!! YES. I know, and I do too. There's no way I could have invested so much time, energy and fanfic into Michael not to think so. Lately because I was ok with the end, I feel I have to keep defending myself about that, but I know I don't I know you guys must understand. It's so, so painful to think of their future now.

[purplemoongrl]

Though for the most part I am angry with myself for being so overinvested and gullible, the sadness and the fact that this is very final in every sense of the word makes it all so devastating.
I have said this before: Never again!!!