random updates
Six months after R's divorce was final, R's divorce is finally final. Mostly.
Kids, don't get married! It only ruins a good friendship and costs a bundle when it all goes wrong.
I'm in classes again, week seven. My school journal is vocalgrrl. This quarter has been a bit more challenging than the last two, requiring more time and better planning on my part. And just as I start to get the rhythm of it, the quarter is almost over. It was ever thus in my school career. *sigh*
Two more women in my office ended relationships this week. It is getting to be an epidemic.
February has always been a crappy month for me, relationshipwise. Since high school, if you can imagine that recorded time stretches back that far. The only relationship I was dumb enough to start in February ended in complete disaster. February was when I knew for sure the ex and I were breaking up, and the following February was when the divorce got off the ground.
So unsurprisingly I am restless and hard to please in February. R's small imperfections have started to grate. The sex is getting a tad predictable. Stroke here, rub there, slow, slow, fast, faster. When I tried to ask for something different, it is like we are speaking two different languages. He didn't get it all.
Then I realize that anytime I have something to say that makes him uncomfortable, three bad things happen. One, his walls crash down. Two, he doesn't understand what I am trying to say, because he cannot hear me from behind the walls. Three, this makes him laugh nervously, which does not help.
After the ex-bf I promised myself that I would not hold back what needed to be said, ever again. Now I censor myself, not out of fear, but out of consideration. The time may be wrong, or the subject too uncomfortable, or I don't want to hurt his feelings. I fear his pain, not his anger.
Or is it just February?
Kids, don't get married! It only ruins a good friendship and costs a bundle when it all goes wrong.
I'm in classes again, week seven. My school journal is vocalgrrl. This quarter has been a bit more challenging than the last two, requiring more time and better planning on my part. And just as I start to get the rhythm of it, the quarter is almost over. It was ever thus in my school career. *sigh*
Two more women in my office ended relationships this week. It is getting to be an epidemic.
February has always been a crappy month for me, relationshipwise. Since high school, if you can imagine that recorded time stretches back that far. The only relationship I was dumb enough to start in February ended in complete disaster. February was when I knew for sure the ex and I were breaking up, and the following February was when the divorce got off the ground.
So unsurprisingly I am restless and hard to please in February. R's small imperfections have started to grate. The sex is getting a tad predictable. Stroke here, rub there, slow, slow, fast, faster. When I tried to ask for something different, it is like we are speaking two different languages. He didn't get it all.
Then I realize that anytime I have something to say that makes him uncomfortable, three bad things happen. One, his walls crash down. Two, he doesn't understand what I am trying to say, because he cannot hear me from behind the walls. Three, this makes him laugh nervously, which does not help.
After the ex-bf I promised myself that I would not hold back what needed to be said, ever again. Now I censor myself, not out of fear, but out of consideration. The time may be wrong, or the subject too uncomfortable, or I don't want to hurt his feelings. I fear his pain, not his anger.
Or is it just February?