Finally It Feels Like November
It's been cool and rainy here the last couple days - it was actually foggy here this afternoon, which was glorious. It was pretty cold this last week - actually cold on Thanksgiving, which was great. I was really getting tired of this whole "70s in November" thing we've been having.
So it's cold and wet, and it's getting dark later. The air is crisp at night. It seems like when it's cold, you can see more stars... but that may be just because we've had so little rain and clouds the last couple weeks that there's been litterally no moisture in the air to block what little of the stars we can see here in the atlanta suburbs.
This time of year I really miss the mountain. Last year the leadup to christmas was glorious. I was so far removed from the comercialism. For me it was very short cold days, glorious muted sunsets of gold and slate blue, watching the eight deer that frequented the front yard, watching the first few dustings of snow we got, seeing the sillouettes of bare trees, sitting in the dark curled up by the window and seeing the moon and stars inside and my little forrest-themed tree inside, and best of all, walking. I think that may be what I miss the most - walking everywhere. i miss going for walks on those cold brisk nights and watching my breath steam up to the streetlights or the moon, seeing the whole milky-way bright above me, and knowing that the most dangerous thing I could possibly encounter would be a deer. I'd walk along generally not seeing any cars, and usually not another person. I'd see deer and, 100 feet away, a pair of foxes. I'd see holly and pine, and frosted bare limbs.
See, for me, Chistmas isn't so much about the presents and the other stuff most other people think of. For me it's the feeling I get on those brisk nights in late fall, the cleansing solitude, the music (I mean Nutcracker, Manheim Steamroller, and english choirs, not Alvin and the Chipmunks or Mariah Carey), the smell of cinnamon clove and pine, the stars, the moon, the greenery, the candlelight, the season itself. I guess it's really the more ancient (and yes, even to the extent that I'd call them Pagan) aspects of it that I enjoy the most. I'm not saying the holy day itself means less to me - I love Lessons and Carols, the advent wreath and advent services, and the candlelit christmas service itself - but it seems that it all gets ploughed over by fruitcake and claymation reindeer. You try and ask for Christmas eve off for simple wandering and contemplation when you work retail and you get real funny looks. I've never even bothered to ask for the solstice off, 'cause depending on where you are, that might get you in trouble.
As I mentioned earlier, I really enjoyed and valued the solitude I experienced last year. Yes, I was lonely at times, and I probably complained about it, but thinking back on it now, I find that I really had time to think, to process things, to just be alone. I'm infrequently alone now, and in a way I think I'm lonelier. I won't even try to explain that. Last year was the first year since I was younger - maybe since highschool or earlier - that I was able to feel that beautiful autumn/winter build up to Christmas without feeling so rushed by work or school (and yeah, part of that was 'cause I was working part time and living alone) - the build up to Christmas - the Advent, if you will - was finally there again. Christmas came, and I thought, "I haven't missed it!", as opposed to other recent years, where I've said, "it just doesn't feel right." I'm hoping that this year I can make that Advent work... but given where I am and how things are going, I doubt it.
(it occurs to me now that I need to get some "christmas" scented candles... I have none at the moment. I don't exactly need to be buying candles right now, 'cause I have plenty, but neither patchouli nor rose are gonna give me the scent I'm craving.)
___________________
In much more ordinary news:
I'm working at Pier 1 now, in addition to the School Box and was very glad that they weren't crazy enough to open hours before dawn on Black Friday, like some of the other stores in the area. I worked Friday and Saturday (both places, actually) and I was pleasantly suprised that it wasn't nearly as crazy as we'd thought it was going to be. I had images in my head of the Christmas Eve about 10 years ago that I worked at Media Play where we had lines trailing about the 3/4 of the way to the back of the (huge, warehouse-sized) store. It was actually so quiet saturday that at Pier 1 we didn't have a customer 'til almost 10 (we opened at 8), and closing at the school box was so slow that my mom and I pulled chairs out of the back room and sat behind the register eating oreos.
I heard back from Ga Shakespeare about the first of the three shows - I didn't get in - I was pretty much expecting not to - but which also sucks 'cause that was the one I stood the best chance for, as it was all non-equity. I'll hear in Feb. about the summer shows, and in April about the fall show, but I don't hold much hope for either.
I feel like there were other things i wanted to talk about - not incredibly important, just worth mentioning - but I think they got lost in the big section above.
So it's cold and wet, and it's getting dark later. The air is crisp at night. It seems like when it's cold, you can see more stars... but that may be just because we've had so little rain and clouds the last couple weeks that there's been litterally no moisture in the air to block what little of the stars we can see here in the atlanta suburbs.
This time of year I really miss the mountain. Last year the leadup to christmas was glorious. I was so far removed from the comercialism. For me it was very short cold days, glorious muted sunsets of gold and slate blue, watching the eight deer that frequented the front yard, watching the first few dustings of snow we got, seeing the sillouettes of bare trees, sitting in the dark curled up by the window and seeing the moon and stars inside and my little forrest-themed tree inside, and best of all, walking. I think that may be what I miss the most - walking everywhere. i miss going for walks on those cold brisk nights and watching my breath steam up to the streetlights or the moon, seeing the whole milky-way bright above me, and knowing that the most dangerous thing I could possibly encounter would be a deer. I'd walk along generally not seeing any cars, and usually not another person. I'd see deer and, 100 feet away, a pair of foxes. I'd see holly and pine, and frosted bare limbs.
See, for me, Chistmas isn't so much about the presents and the other stuff most other people think of. For me it's the feeling I get on those brisk nights in late fall, the cleansing solitude, the music (I mean Nutcracker, Manheim Steamroller, and english choirs, not Alvin and the Chipmunks or Mariah Carey), the smell of cinnamon clove and pine, the stars, the moon, the greenery, the candlelight, the season itself. I guess it's really the more ancient (and yes, even to the extent that I'd call them Pagan) aspects of it that I enjoy the most. I'm not saying the holy day itself means less to me - I love Lessons and Carols, the advent wreath and advent services, and the candlelit christmas service itself - but it seems that it all gets ploughed over by fruitcake and claymation reindeer. You try and ask for Christmas eve off for simple wandering and contemplation when you work retail and you get real funny looks. I've never even bothered to ask for the solstice off, 'cause depending on where you are, that might get you in trouble.
As I mentioned earlier, I really enjoyed and valued the solitude I experienced last year. Yes, I was lonely at times, and I probably complained about it, but thinking back on it now, I find that I really had time to think, to process things, to just be alone. I'm infrequently alone now, and in a way I think I'm lonelier. I won't even try to explain that. Last year was the first year since I was younger - maybe since highschool or earlier - that I was able to feel that beautiful autumn/winter build up to Christmas without feeling so rushed by work or school (and yeah, part of that was 'cause I was working part time and living alone) - the build up to Christmas - the Advent, if you will - was finally there again. Christmas came, and I thought, "I haven't missed it!", as opposed to other recent years, where I've said, "it just doesn't feel right." I'm hoping that this year I can make that Advent work... but given where I am and how things are going, I doubt it.
(it occurs to me now that I need to get some "christmas" scented candles... I have none at the moment. I don't exactly need to be buying candles right now, 'cause I have plenty, but neither patchouli nor rose are gonna give me the scent I'm craving.)
___________________
In much more ordinary news:
I'm working at Pier 1 now, in addition to the School Box and was very glad that they weren't crazy enough to open hours before dawn on Black Friday, like some of the other stores in the area. I worked Friday and Saturday (both places, actually) and I was pleasantly suprised that it wasn't nearly as crazy as we'd thought it was going to be. I had images in my head of the Christmas Eve about 10 years ago that I worked at Media Play where we had lines trailing about the 3/4 of the way to the back of the (huge, warehouse-sized) store. It was actually so quiet saturday that at Pier 1 we didn't have a customer 'til almost 10 (we opened at 8), and closing at the school box was so slow that my mom and I pulled chairs out of the back room and sat behind the register eating oreos.
I heard back from Ga Shakespeare about the first of the three shows - I didn't get in - I was pretty much expecting not to - but which also sucks 'cause that was the one I stood the best chance for, as it was all non-equity. I'll hear in Feb. about the summer shows, and in April about the fall show, but I don't hold much hope for either.
I feel like there were other things i wanted to talk about - not incredibly important, just worth mentioning - but I think they got lost in the big section above.