[fanfic] - changing part 2
After the encouragement from everyone who read the first part, I've decided to continue 2metaldog's birthday fic "Changing". Thank you so much to everyone who encouraged this!
Title: Changing
Chapter: 2
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairings: None for now.
Warnings: Total angstfest, just so you know! Worksafe.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer: Sadly, we are not in the alternate universe where I own Saiyuki. Woe. Story, however, is mine. No stealy!
Part 2
Pacing blindly around the room, Gojyo turned viciously for the hundredth time. Hakkai? Sanzo? Goku? Which would be best to tell first? Or should he tell them all together? Not that he had any idea as to what to say. Hey, I think I’m turning into a youkai, any thoughts? somehow, he didn’t think it would go down terribly well. Fervently, he wished there was a way of telling them that meant he didn’t have to see the looks of horror on their faces. Because they would be horrified. He just knew it.
Angrily, he scrubbed a hand over his face before running it through his hair. He was out of options.
A knock at the door startled him enough to stop pacing. Hurriedly, he turned on a light, suddenly aware of how dark the room was.
“Yeah?” he called, half-hoping it wasn’t one of his friends. The door opened, and Hakkai peeked around the door.
“I hope I’m not intruding, Gojyo?” Hakkai stepped in, years of friendship telling him wordlessly that he wasn’t.
“Hey.” Gojyo hoped his grin was convincing. He covered his mouth with his hand as he took a drag of his cigarette. This was it. He would tell Hakkai first. He would understand, maybe even have a solution; after all, he was a changeling himself. Gojyo felt a small part of the weight on his chest lift. Hakkai could help.
Hakkai shifted nervously. Gojyo had been acting distant lately, despite the relatively uneventful last few weeks. Wanting to breach the awkward gap that had arisen between them, he reasoned that he was in the best position to try to talk to him - but how? He closed the door behind him and crossed the room to sit opposite Gojyo.
“Umm,” he began, unsure of where to start. “Gojyo, I’ve noticed you’ve not been quite yourself lately; acting strangely, avoiding us, not eating. Are you feeling well?” Gojyo’s leaden stomach hit his boots. The accusatory tone in Hakkai’s voice was enough. He was angry with him because he’d figured it out! Unbidden, memories of how Hakkai had rejected Banri loomed in his mind’s eye. Hakkai hated youkai, what if…
Panicked, Gojyo did the stupidest thing he could have - he lied.
“Uh, have I? You know, I have been feeling a little off-peak for a pew days now - maybe it was that seafood dish I ate the other day…” He trailed off, doing his best impression of thoughtfulness and hoping Hakkai would accept his feeble excuse. “Feeling better now, though.” He added.
Relief swept through Hakkai. For a moment, he felt he had been too direct, too harsh, but Gojyo had opened up to him after all. Trust Gojyo to think a stomach upset wasn’t worth troubling him over! He cocked his head. “Are you sure that’s all?” he queried, not entirely convinced this was the only cause of Gojyo’s strange behaviour lately. Gojyo tried for a nonchalant shrug. “Pretty sure.” Hakkai smiled.
“Well, next time, let me know sooner. I might have something somewhere for it.” He stood, Gojyo rising with him, rolling his eyes.
“I can look after myself, yanno.” He needled. “You don’t have to worry over us all so much.” Hakkai accepted the chiding with a softer, slightly more real smile.
“I suppose.” He conceded, opening the door. “But I do like to know that you’re all as you should be. Call it reassurance.” He smiled again. Gojyo tried to smile back, and it must have worked because Hakkai left, but he couldn’t feel his face over the echo of Hakkai’s words ringing in his head. But I do like to know you’re all as you should be. in that moment, Gojyo’s thoughts finally crystallised into a solution. He had to hide this. Telling the others would break their group like glass. He slumped on the bed, head spinning too much to stay standing. He needed a limiter. Something to hold it in, lock the youkai in him away. Make him safe again.
crossposted to: saiyuki, 100_miles_west and saiyukiyaoi
Title: Changing
Chapter: 2
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairings: None for now.
Warnings: Total angstfest, just so you know! Worksafe.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer: Sadly, we are not in the alternate universe where I own Saiyuki. Woe. Story, however, is mine. No stealy!
Part 2
Pacing blindly around the room, Gojyo turned viciously for the hundredth time. Hakkai? Sanzo? Goku? Which would be best to tell first? Or should he tell them all together? Not that he had any idea as to what to say. Hey, I think I’m turning into a youkai, any thoughts? somehow, he didn’t think it would go down terribly well. Fervently, he wished there was a way of telling them that meant he didn’t have to see the looks of horror on their faces. Because they would be horrified. He just knew it.
Angrily, he scrubbed a hand over his face before running it through his hair. He was out of options.
A knock at the door startled him enough to stop pacing. Hurriedly, he turned on a light, suddenly aware of how dark the room was.
“Yeah?” he called, half-hoping it wasn’t one of his friends. The door opened, and Hakkai peeked around the door.
“I hope I’m not intruding, Gojyo?” Hakkai stepped in, years of friendship telling him wordlessly that he wasn’t.
“Hey.” Gojyo hoped his grin was convincing. He covered his mouth with his hand as he took a drag of his cigarette. This was it. He would tell Hakkai first. He would understand, maybe even have a solution; after all, he was a changeling himself. Gojyo felt a small part of the weight on his chest lift. Hakkai could help.
Hakkai shifted nervously. Gojyo had been acting distant lately, despite the relatively uneventful last few weeks. Wanting to breach the awkward gap that had arisen between them, he reasoned that he was in the best position to try to talk to him - but how? He closed the door behind him and crossed the room to sit opposite Gojyo.
“Umm,” he began, unsure of where to start. “Gojyo, I’ve noticed you’ve not been quite yourself lately; acting strangely, avoiding us, not eating. Are you feeling well?” Gojyo’s leaden stomach hit his boots. The accusatory tone in Hakkai’s voice was enough. He was angry with him because he’d figured it out! Unbidden, memories of how Hakkai had rejected Banri loomed in his mind’s eye. Hakkai hated youkai, what if…
Panicked, Gojyo did the stupidest thing he could have - he lied.
“Uh, have I? You know, I have been feeling a little off-peak for a pew days now - maybe it was that seafood dish I ate the other day…” He trailed off, doing his best impression of thoughtfulness and hoping Hakkai would accept his feeble excuse. “Feeling better now, though.” He added.
Relief swept through Hakkai. For a moment, he felt he had been too direct, too harsh, but Gojyo had opened up to him after all. Trust Gojyo to think a stomach upset wasn’t worth troubling him over! He cocked his head. “Are you sure that’s all?” he queried, not entirely convinced this was the only cause of Gojyo’s strange behaviour lately. Gojyo tried for a nonchalant shrug. “Pretty sure.” Hakkai smiled.
“Well, next time, let me know sooner. I might have something somewhere for it.” He stood, Gojyo rising with him, rolling his eyes.
“I can look after myself, yanno.” He needled. “You don’t have to worry over us all so much.” Hakkai accepted the chiding with a softer, slightly more real smile.
“I suppose.” He conceded, opening the door. “But I do like to know that you’re all as you should be. Call it reassurance.” He smiled again. Gojyo tried to smile back, and it must have worked because Hakkai left, but he couldn’t feel his face over the echo of Hakkai’s words ringing in his head. But I do like to know you’re all as you should be. in that moment, Gojyo’s thoughts finally crystallised into a solution. He had to hide this. Telling the others would break their group like glass. He slumped on the bed, head spinning too much to stay standing. He needed a limiter. Something to hold it in, lock the youkai in him away. Make him safe again.
crossposted to: saiyuki, 100_miles_west and saiyukiyaoi