(no subject)
To hell with positivity, there is nothing positive about working 12 hours straight with no lunch or no time to even drink a glass or water or use the restroom. Around 2pm I started my uncontrollable shaking, around 4pm I felt like I was going to be sick and then around 5pm I was so numb that my blood sugar somehow leveled off and I just wanted to crawl in a hole and sleep......maybe even die. After today I know for sure that this is not the job for me, especially if you cant get a break when the branch is crazy insane. This is not good for my health, mental or physical so I know that I just need to stick it out and gain as much as I can within the next four months. I have a pounding headache right now which I am sure will not go away any time soon. I swear if I get my vertigo tonight and end up getting sick even just once I am calling in.
My "feel sorry for Angie" attitude is back full force, son of biznatch. Only twelve more weeks and I will be done with school and on my way to finding another job. I really like the customers, the job and all the new things that I am learning at Enterprise but working 60 hours a week and not even knowing whether I will get a fricken lunch break is just to insane. I guess that I value having a personal life and a normal blood sugar level just a little bit to much.
So yeah this semester is not starting out good at all. Almost every week around this time I end up having a tremendously negative attitude and a feeling of complete exhaustion. I just want to throw shit up against the wall and scream, my inner rage is definitely showing through. I think that it is the mix of feeling overwhelmed with my job and the amount of classwork, being simply exhausted all the time and having no adequate amount of time to do tasks other than business club, work and school stuff. I go to work/school, maybe eat if I have time, bitch on lj (must make time for that) and then go to sleep before 9pm. I am seriously thinking once again about going to see a mental health professional before I let this rage/negative/depressed energy get to me. I know just how powerful negative energy can be and I DO NOT want to ever experience the kind of depression that I had when I was younger. These past few weeks have reminded me that I still have the ability to make myself feel like complete shit, I guess that depression can follow you on in life even if you think that you got away from it. Anyway it is scaring the shit out of me and I need to take personal responsibility to try and prevent it, in what form or action I have no idea and that is bothering me quite a bit too. Oh well I will figure it out.
So here is the point in the day 7:50pm where I decide that I am too exhausted and sick of life to stay up another fricken minute. Honestly I think that this is the best time of the day....sleep, but damn I do not look forward to the morning..work again.
My "feel sorry for Angie" attitude is back full force, son of biznatch. Only twelve more weeks and I will be done with school and on my way to finding another job. I really like the customers, the job and all the new things that I am learning at Enterprise but working 60 hours a week and not even knowing whether I will get a fricken lunch break is just to insane. I guess that I value having a personal life and a normal blood sugar level just a little bit to much.
So yeah this semester is not starting out good at all. Almost every week around this time I end up having a tremendously negative attitude and a feeling of complete exhaustion. I just want to throw shit up against the wall and scream, my inner rage is definitely showing through. I think that it is the mix of feeling overwhelmed with my job and the amount of classwork, being simply exhausted all the time and having no adequate amount of time to do tasks other than business club, work and school stuff. I go to work/school, maybe eat if I have time, bitch on lj (must make time for that) and then go to sleep before 9pm. I am seriously thinking once again about going to see a mental health professional before I let this rage/negative/depressed energy get to me. I know just how powerful negative energy can be and I DO NOT want to ever experience the kind of depression that I had when I was younger. These past few weeks have reminded me that I still have the ability to make myself feel like complete shit, I guess that depression can follow you on in life even if you think that you got away from it. Anyway it is scaring the shit out of me and I need to take personal responsibility to try and prevent it, in what form or action I have no idea and that is bothering me quite a bit too. Oh well I will figure it out.
So here is the point in the day 7:50pm where I decide that I am too exhausted and sick of life to stay up another fricken minute. Honestly I think that this is the best time of the day....sleep, but damn I do not look forward to the morning..work again.