Satisfaction
this is the commentary from Television Without Pity Idol blog by Jacob Clifton
I just love re-reading it and its tough to scroll thu so putting here for ease of reference........
Adam Lambert, man. I hate him because I hate all Adams except Adam Pratt because all Adams make me type "Adama," every single time. I just did it four times. And I hate him because dude, calm down. You are everything people should and do hate about Broadway. Literally. But really, I love him because he is what you call "inner-directed." There's lots of people who are just so into being themselves, whatever that means, and most of the time that means being just enough of themselves so that people won't murder them, or being what other people have told them are themselves to bring them down from the actual crazy that their actual selves would cause them to be, which is how you get a Danny Noriega.
But Adam Lambert has figured out a way to do this strange thing without restricting it to one weird note; the downside is that when people actually have the wherewithal to do this, it means they are nuts to start with, because a sane person would eventually simmer down or be put on medication. Some artists, though, are so talented and so deeply crazy that the crazy takes them through all the floors of that building like a Wonkavator of crazy into the sky, and they end up someplace new, and I do love that, but I also recognize that it's how you get a Nick Mitchell. Or a Chris Crocker. But so if to this heady mélange you add David Cook's smarmy vision of himself as this millennial artiste -- which is really the best case scenario for where Nate might end up -- you get Adam Lambert. Which is half irritating as fuck, half sort of nightmarishly awesome, and altogether worth watching.
He points out the whole thing about how working in theatre is a mixed bag because on the one hand it's live all the time and you're competing with just the worst people on Earth and not only do you have to watch out for ladders and the aftcastle but you also have to remember that the show must go on no matter how down you are feeling, so even little kids better fucking toughen up and act right because a million kids want your job -- all good things, which I really admire -- but on the other hand, it ruins you for film and TV because you're used to singing to the back row, making faces they can see in the cheap mezzanines, all that, and if you try that shit on camera you are ... Tatiana. So Kara told him he was too dramatic to connect with the song, and he realized he was going to have to fix it. But did he?
...Wow. I don't have the words to codify this experience. It's sort of like getting held down and... snuggled to death... by the boys of Bel Ami. I don't feel overwhelmingly violated? And I can't say I'm not enjoying myself? But it's like this: I am upset deep inside sometimes when a performer has this thing, I don't know what it's called but it's like they have a secret. Like that sneaky, gleeful look that people get when they're on drugs and you're not. I can't handle that in my musicians. I don't like Peter Gabriel, because I feel like there's something he's not telling me, or there's a joke I'm not in on. Björk is like the ghost of a secret with many secrets of its own in a little elf hill, so she's fine. When I was very, very young I hated Tina Turner because I felt like she had a secret. Jason Castro's brother had many secrets. I can't think of any other people on this show with a secret. Clay had no secrets whatsoever. Jessica Sierra had the opposite of secrets. Constantine's whole problem was not enough secrets.
And with Adam, I feel like he is trying to tell us maybe that we are the ones with a secret. Which is so troubling, and made more so by the fact that possibly, he is right. I don't know what my secret is, but I think Adam Lambert does. And I am supremely uncomfortable with that. It's tempting to say that Adam is the gay Constantine, except that fails on several basic levels number one being that nobody in history is gayer than Constantine, and secondly because people responded either really positively or really negatively to Constantine, and my entire response right now is basically a lack of response, and fear for my life. And it occurs to me that they are both theatre people, and maybe there's an explanation for this behavior.
He is not really very attractive, if you take it apart. His skin, I'm going to stop mentioning because enough already, but then there's his stupid girl hair and all the necklaces and the prancing. Oh, Lord, the prancing. But he's definitely a person who is attractive because they are awesome, not because their face is particularly special. And then there's the whole sex thing he's doing, which is basically like an advertisement for this thing called sex, like have you heard about it, which was another main reason I hated Constantine. But there's something balancing it out a little bit. Maybe because he honestly seems like he knows what he's doing, or finds the blatant sex stuff hilarious -- which we know he does -- or just the "you know you've thought about it," kind of offhanded willingness to raise the bar Constantine set so long ago. It's like I always tell my sister: "Sometimes slutty is good, because boys are dumb."
But his voice is good, and can do backflips and your laundry at the same damn time, which is impressive. He has no sense of shame whatsoever, which makes me nervous but serves you well in this kind of game. He seems brilliant and unbearable and up his own ass, which are all attractive qualities. And slutty is, again, good. So I guess... I sort of have a crush on this little performance. Yeah, I gotta say: Put it all together and I am buying it. Or am I? I don't know. It's just ... weird. I'm sorry I keep spinning my wheels here, but I feel weird and crazy.
Adam Lambert just basically did a Normund Gentle skit about dudes literally fucking -- to the tune of "Satisfaction" -- and I find I have no ill will toward him at all: it's "Tainted Love" all over again, but like the person holding the sledgehammer this time actually knows what to do with it.
Ugh, I'm so done. At least the 90-minute burnout didn't show up. Paula's like, "That was like not being here at all and instead being at the Adam Lambert concert," and tells him he's far and away the best this week. True, or not true. Simon's like, "I feel weird and crazy. True or not true. Either way, this is going to make people feel weird and crazy and act weird and crazy." Randy's like, "I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU." Then he makes a list of every boys' name he -- or I -- ever scrawled on a Trapper Keeper: "It's Steven Tyler meets Fall Out Boy meets Robert Pattinson!" I cannot believe that Randy Jackson just named Robert Pattinson as his number three crush. That is so magical. I want to watch Twilight with Randy Jackson. That is a lie, because obviously really I want to watch Twilight with Ryan Seacrest, but Randy can come.
And so then most awesomely that's exactly what happens -- Ryan's like, "Edward Cullen! He called you Edward!" -- and then even more awesomely Adam Lambert is like, "I know! My favorite book!" And it's... Is this what it's going to be like this year? Ryan and Randy and Adam squealing about Twilight and climbing all over each other? Is Adam Lambert the Peter Sarsgaard of this show and can turn everybody gay even your boyfriend? I know I, for one, feel a little bit gayer than when we started. Don't you? Thanks, Adam
I just love re-reading it and its tough to scroll thu so putting here for ease of reference........
Adam Lambert, man. I hate him because I hate all Adams except Adam Pratt because all Adams make me type "Adama," every single time. I just did it four times. And I hate him because dude, calm down. You are everything people should and do hate about Broadway. Literally. But really, I love him because he is what you call "inner-directed." There's lots of people who are just so into being themselves, whatever that means, and most of the time that means being just enough of themselves so that people won't murder them, or being what other people have told them are themselves to bring them down from the actual crazy that their actual selves would cause them to be, which is how you get a Danny Noriega.
But Adam Lambert has figured out a way to do this strange thing without restricting it to one weird note; the downside is that when people actually have the wherewithal to do this, it means they are nuts to start with, because a sane person would eventually simmer down or be put on medication. Some artists, though, are so talented and so deeply crazy that the crazy takes them through all the floors of that building like a Wonkavator of crazy into the sky, and they end up someplace new, and I do love that, but I also recognize that it's how you get a Nick Mitchell. Or a Chris Crocker. But so if to this heady mélange you add David Cook's smarmy vision of himself as this millennial artiste -- which is really the best case scenario for where Nate might end up -- you get Adam Lambert. Which is half irritating as fuck, half sort of nightmarishly awesome, and altogether worth watching.
He points out the whole thing about how working in theatre is a mixed bag because on the one hand it's live all the time and you're competing with just the worst people on Earth and not only do you have to watch out for ladders and the aftcastle but you also have to remember that the show must go on no matter how down you are feeling, so even little kids better fucking toughen up and act right because a million kids want your job -- all good things, which I really admire -- but on the other hand, it ruins you for film and TV because you're used to singing to the back row, making faces they can see in the cheap mezzanines, all that, and if you try that shit on camera you are ... Tatiana. So Kara told him he was too dramatic to connect with the song, and he realized he was going to have to fix it. But did he?
...Wow. I don't have the words to codify this experience. It's sort of like getting held down and... snuggled to death... by the boys of Bel Ami. I don't feel overwhelmingly violated? And I can't say I'm not enjoying myself? But it's like this: I am upset deep inside sometimes when a performer has this thing, I don't know what it's called but it's like they have a secret. Like that sneaky, gleeful look that people get when they're on drugs and you're not. I can't handle that in my musicians. I don't like Peter Gabriel, because I feel like there's something he's not telling me, or there's a joke I'm not in on. Björk is like the ghost of a secret with many secrets of its own in a little elf hill, so she's fine. When I was very, very young I hated Tina Turner because I felt like she had a secret. Jason Castro's brother had many secrets. I can't think of any other people on this show with a secret. Clay had no secrets whatsoever. Jessica Sierra had the opposite of secrets. Constantine's whole problem was not enough secrets.
And with Adam, I feel like he is trying to tell us maybe that we are the ones with a secret. Which is so troubling, and made more so by the fact that possibly, he is right. I don't know what my secret is, but I think Adam Lambert does. And I am supremely uncomfortable with that. It's tempting to say that Adam is the gay Constantine, except that fails on several basic levels number one being that nobody in history is gayer than Constantine, and secondly because people responded either really positively or really negatively to Constantine, and my entire response right now is basically a lack of response, and fear for my life. And it occurs to me that they are both theatre people, and maybe there's an explanation for this behavior.
He is not really very attractive, if you take it apart. His skin, I'm going to stop mentioning because enough already, but then there's his stupid girl hair and all the necklaces and the prancing. Oh, Lord, the prancing. But he's definitely a person who is attractive because they are awesome, not because their face is particularly special. And then there's the whole sex thing he's doing, which is basically like an advertisement for this thing called sex, like have you heard about it, which was another main reason I hated Constantine. But there's something balancing it out a little bit. Maybe because he honestly seems like he knows what he's doing, or finds the blatant sex stuff hilarious -- which we know he does -- or just the "you know you've thought about it," kind of offhanded willingness to raise the bar Constantine set so long ago. It's like I always tell my sister: "Sometimes slutty is good, because boys are dumb."
But his voice is good, and can do backflips and your laundry at the same damn time, which is impressive. He has no sense of shame whatsoever, which makes me nervous but serves you well in this kind of game. He seems brilliant and unbearable and up his own ass, which are all attractive qualities. And slutty is, again, good. So I guess... I sort of have a crush on this little performance. Yeah, I gotta say: Put it all together and I am buying it. Or am I? I don't know. It's just ... weird. I'm sorry I keep spinning my wheels here, but I feel weird and crazy.
Adam Lambert just basically did a Normund Gentle skit about dudes literally fucking -- to the tune of "Satisfaction" -- and I find I have no ill will toward him at all: it's "Tainted Love" all over again, but like the person holding the sledgehammer this time actually knows what to do with it.
Ugh, I'm so done. At least the 90-minute burnout didn't show up. Paula's like, "That was like not being here at all and instead being at the Adam Lambert concert," and tells him he's far and away the best this week. True, or not true. Simon's like, "I feel weird and crazy. True or not true. Either way, this is going to make people feel weird and crazy and act weird and crazy." Randy's like, "I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU." Then he makes a list of every boys' name he -- or I -- ever scrawled on a Trapper Keeper: "It's Steven Tyler meets Fall Out Boy meets Robert Pattinson!" I cannot believe that Randy Jackson just named Robert Pattinson as his number three crush. That is so magical. I want to watch Twilight with Randy Jackson. That is a lie, because obviously really I want to watch Twilight with Ryan Seacrest, but Randy can come.
And so then most awesomely that's exactly what happens -- Ryan's like, "Edward Cullen! He called you Edward!" -- and then even more awesomely Adam Lambert is like, "I know! My favorite book!" And it's... Is this what it's going to be like this year? Ryan and Randy and Adam squealing about Twilight and climbing all over each other? Is Adam Lambert the Peter Sarsgaard of this show and can turn everybody gay even your boyfriend? I know I, for one, feel a little bit gayer than when we started. Don't you? Thanks, Adam