Save me from the babies!
I am really, really, really tired of reading lesbian parenting blogs. It is so exhausting for some reason. And oh my god, I've only read like, two blogs in their entirety (and I have somewhere around TWENTY that I want to read).
The interesting part: it is quite intriguing. I read about the lives of these people that I don't know, have never met, etc...some have been blogging for three, four years, through some very serious shit. And after reading all of this, I feel very close to these women. I feel like I know them personally. I have emailed one and would have emailed the other if I could have found her address, and will probably email others after I have dug into their lives via their blogs. And actually, based on what I've read of them, I have good feelings about their willingness to help me with my project. So much for, I don't know, researcher objectivity.
But also, this project has started to really fuck with my head, baby-wise. We all know that Lisa with a baby would be such a bad idea...I joke that my friends would probably start calling CPS the moment I conceived, and they probably wouldn't be wrong to do so..haha. In theory, I think I might raise an interesting child. I would probably try to raise it speaking only French in the home, eating vegan food, playing the piano from age 2, etc. Basically raising someone to be as pretentious as I am. :) Still, I can't see how that would go well. One thing I've taken from this research experience is that even very, very young babies have this little thing called free will, and their own personalities, and I'm really not the kind of person that would do well with my child arguing with me about wanting to drink Mountain Dew (vile, poisonous stuff!) and listen to Britney Spears (again, vile, poisonous stuff!) instead of eating tofu and listening to Mozart (or at least indie rock).
So anyway, all this reading about babies has just gotten my subconscious going. Last night I dreamed that I'd had a baby and was keeping it on my nightstand in my room, in some sort of a small box. I was looking at it when all of a sudden another baby popped out of me...it was like, an odd, visceral feeling, and I thought, huh, I didn't even know I was pregnant, nor how I got that way! And I put this baby in another box on my dresser. It was very odd. Probably had something to do with the fact that I'd been reading the blogs for a good 2-3 hours before bed....and I've done the same tonight, so I guess I could perhaps expect similar madness in my dreams tonight.
But in addition to that, I seem to be running across motherhood/pregnancy everywhere I look. I turn on the radio and a show about labor and delivery is on. I turn on the TV and a show about labor and delivery is on (not surprising, since my TV was tuned to TLC since I'd been watching What Not to Wear earlier, and that and pregnancy shows are about the extent of their programming). Obviously it's always been there, but it stands out more when it becomes the focus of one's attention.
Anyway, I'm not sure if there's a point to this rambling nonsense other than to work out some of the odd thoughts in my head as a result of this work. It's sort of a good feeling, though, to give myself over completely to my research in this way. It's sort of...respectable and honorable, I feel, like I'm taking this seriously and not doing it in the sort of half-assed way that I've done other (okay, pretty much ALL) of my projects in the past.
Okay, enough of this. Bedtime, hopefully sans odd/creepy baby dreams.
The interesting part: it is quite intriguing. I read about the lives of these people that I don't know, have never met, etc...some have been blogging for three, four years, through some very serious shit. And after reading all of this, I feel very close to these women. I feel like I know them personally. I have emailed one and would have emailed the other if I could have found her address, and will probably email others after I have dug into their lives via their blogs. And actually, based on what I've read of them, I have good feelings about their willingness to help me with my project. So much for, I don't know, researcher objectivity.
But also, this project has started to really fuck with my head, baby-wise. We all know that Lisa with a baby would be such a bad idea...I joke that my friends would probably start calling CPS the moment I conceived, and they probably wouldn't be wrong to do so..haha. In theory, I think I might raise an interesting child. I would probably try to raise it speaking only French in the home, eating vegan food, playing the piano from age 2, etc. Basically raising someone to be as pretentious as I am. :) Still, I can't see how that would go well. One thing I've taken from this research experience is that even very, very young babies have this little thing called free will, and their own personalities, and I'm really not the kind of person that would do well with my child arguing with me about wanting to drink Mountain Dew (vile, poisonous stuff!) and listen to Britney Spears (again, vile, poisonous stuff!) instead of eating tofu and listening to Mozart (or at least indie rock).
So anyway, all this reading about babies has just gotten my subconscious going. Last night I dreamed that I'd had a baby and was keeping it on my nightstand in my room, in some sort of a small box. I was looking at it when all of a sudden another baby popped out of me...it was like, an odd, visceral feeling, and I thought, huh, I didn't even know I was pregnant, nor how I got that way! And I put this baby in another box on my dresser. It was very odd. Probably had something to do with the fact that I'd been reading the blogs for a good 2-3 hours before bed....and I've done the same tonight, so I guess I could perhaps expect similar madness in my dreams tonight.
But in addition to that, I seem to be running across motherhood/pregnancy everywhere I look. I turn on the radio and a show about labor and delivery is on. I turn on the TV and a show about labor and delivery is on (not surprising, since my TV was tuned to TLC since I'd been watching What Not to Wear earlier, and that and pregnancy shows are about the extent of their programming). Obviously it's always been there, but it stands out more when it becomes the focus of one's attention.
Anyway, I'm not sure if there's a point to this rambling nonsense other than to work out some of the odd thoughts in my head as a result of this work. It's sort of a good feeling, though, to give myself over completely to my research in this way. It's sort of...respectable and honorable, I feel, like I'm taking this seriously and not doing it in the sort of half-assed way that I've done other (okay, pretty much ALL) of my projects in the past.
Okay, enough of this. Bedtime, hopefully sans odd/creepy baby dreams.