17.03.08
Today was the first day back from march break and I think everythings already going on like march break never happened. Which is good I guess (why wouldn't it be?).
Sometimes I feel like crying with hatred I feel for myself, for me, for all that I am, and for all that I'm not. I hate that I feel chubby and fat and gross. I hate that I'm lazy and procrastinate too much. I hate that a spend my life (supposing that I really have one) staring at the computer screen, being loud and stupid and dumb. I hate that I can never say the right things at the right times. I hate that I eat too much and excercise too little. I hate that my room is never clean. I hate that I can never start a conversation and keep it. I hate that I say the most retarded things and think they're cool. I hate that I'm not friendly or popular. I hate that I'm an ugly fool, a wannabe that will never be. I hate that I can never look like those pretty models, those brilliant people and can never be liked like those loved at our school. I hate that I know better-but dont. I hate that I do all the wrong things. I hate that I'm a mean bitch that nobody likes. I hate that I look ugly and stupid, and never wear the right things. I hate that I'm not smart or good. I hate that I'm always too slow and have no life. I hate that I'm a bitch and dislike everyone and everything. I hate that I'm not good enough. I hate that I can never be better, can never be the best. I hate that I'm not the one he likes, the one that anyone likes. I hate it all. And most of all, I hate that I hate it all! I hate that I can't stand myself I hate that the only way I can live through it is by insulting it, and by refusing it. God, I really want to cry right now.
Sometimes I feel like crying with hatred I feel for myself, for me, for all that I am, and for all that I'm not. I hate that I feel chubby and fat and gross. I hate that I'm lazy and procrastinate too much. I hate that a spend my life (supposing that I really have one) staring at the computer screen, being loud and stupid and dumb. I hate that I can never say the right things at the right times. I hate that I eat too much and excercise too little. I hate that my room is never clean. I hate that I can never start a conversation and keep it. I hate that I say the most retarded things and think they're cool. I hate that I'm not friendly or popular. I hate that I'm an ugly fool, a wannabe that will never be. I hate that I can never look like those pretty models, those brilliant people and can never be liked like those loved at our school. I hate that I know better-but dont. I hate that I do all the wrong things. I hate that I'm a mean bitch that nobody likes. I hate that I look ugly and stupid, and never wear the right things. I hate that I'm not smart or good. I hate that I'm always too slow and have no life. I hate that I'm a bitch and dislike everyone and everything. I hate that I'm not good enough. I hate that I can never be better, can never be the best. I hate that I'm not the one he likes, the one that anyone likes. I hate it all. And most of all, I hate that I hate it all! I hate that I can't stand myself I hate that the only way I can live through it is by insulting it, and by refusing it. God, I really want to cry right now.