Chasing egos...
So I've been doing a lot of thinking about relationships lately. Actually, I've been doing a lot of thinking in general, as evidenced by my recent barrage of journal posts. Whatever, it helps. Anyways, I've been pondering relationships as of late. I mean, it seems inevitable really. Every day, I see more and more girls my age with big diamond sparklers on their fingers, and every time I see a "Recently Updated Profile" on Facebook...well, 9 times out of 10 it is because they have gotten engaged or married. So many girls from my high school are now married, that I once considered making a list to keep them straight (Skeebs suggested I title it "Bitches Who Sold Out"). Now don't get me wrong, I have no desire to be married right now, but it begs this question: Why, in this seeming golden age of love and romance, do my relationships keep failing with increasing gusto?
Do I have horrible taste in men? Do I always pick the wrong guy? Do I settle, or do I get carried away too easily? Why do I always fall for the ones I can't have? Why do I get stuck in situations that only lead to heartbreak?
Then I had a 3 hour phone conversation the other day with Annie, and my eyes were opened. You are not falling in love, she told me. You are chasing your own ego.
I think the girl is on to something. Think about it. Every crush that I've ever had has been multiplied a hundred times once it becomes obvious that it is a challenge. The whole "thrill of the chase" and whatnot. Its crazy, but we all do it. We become attracted to what we can't have, because we are constantly seeking validation of our own ego. When someone is upfront about their feelings, when they admit that they like you, your interest disappears. Your ego has been adequately stroked, and now you have no use for them anymore. But if you have to EARN that validation, well that is when things get interesting.
And when you think about it, it makes sense. As human beings, we are socialized to seek validation. Every piece of paper we ever turn in during our schooling is given back with a grade on it. And the harder you work for that A, the more elusive it is, the prouder you feel. And that is why we work increasingly long hours for unbearable bosses...for the validation that you are making a difference, or at the very least, bringing home a decent paycheck.
So of course this expands to our romantic lives as well. We are naturally insecure, so we seek validation where we can find it. And so we may even seek out the ones we can't have, just to give ourselves the oppurtunity to chase our own egos.
So how do we know when it is love, and not ego lust? I guess it is when that need for self-validation melts away and you can sacrifice your own ego for that other person. It becomes about them, not you. You cry FOR them, not OVER them. You can give yourself to them completely, because you are no longer worried about your own selfish desires.
By the way, I have nothing to do at work today. Can you tell?
Do I have horrible taste in men? Do I always pick the wrong guy? Do I settle, or do I get carried away too easily? Why do I always fall for the ones I can't have? Why do I get stuck in situations that only lead to heartbreak?
Then I had a 3 hour phone conversation the other day with Annie, and my eyes were opened. You are not falling in love, she told me. You are chasing your own ego.
I think the girl is on to something. Think about it. Every crush that I've ever had has been multiplied a hundred times once it becomes obvious that it is a challenge. The whole "thrill of the chase" and whatnot. Its crazy, but we all do it. We become attracted to what we can't have, because we are constantly seeking validation of our own ego. When someone is upfront about their feelings, when they admit that they like you, your interest disappears. Your ego has been adequately stroked, and now you have no use for them anymore. But if you have to EARN that validation, well that is when things get interesting.
And when you think about it, it makes sense. As human beings, we are socialized to seek validation. Every piece of paper we ever turn in during our schooling is given back with a grade on it. And the harder you work for that A, the more elusive it is, the prouder you feel. And that is why we work increasingly long hours for unbearable bosses...for the validation that you are making a difference, or at the very least, bringing home a decent paycheck.
So of course this expands to our romantic lives as well. We are naturally insecure, so we seek validation where we can find it. And so we may even seek out the ones we can't have, just to give ourselves the oppurtunity to chase our own egos.
So how do we know when it is love, and not ego lust? I guess it is when that need for self-validation melts away and you can sacrifice your own ego for that other person. It becomes about them, not you. You cry FOR them, not OVER them. You can give yourself to them completely, because you are no longer worried about your own selfish desires.
By the way, I have nothing to do at work today. Can you tell?