(no subject)
people popping and the archangel gabriel
so yes, i have been seeing the archangel gabriel. he follows me around in a ball of fire. not the kind of ball of fire that you cannot see the details of, but more like, gabriel is onfire all the time and he says the damnedest things. the first time he appeared, about at the begining of the month, there was a flash of light and he told me we were out of coffee. this was rather bugging me at the time, so it didn't improve matters for him to remind me of this. maybe it was just his way of breaking ice and making conversation. kind of like, my what big teeth you have, the better to eat you with, my dear. so i told him, i asked him, was my opah dead and was he here to tell me such. he said my opah wasn't dead, but i didn't really believe him, but i had to wait till morning to ask mommy. so i asked him was my mother dead, and he said no, but again, i wasn't sure that was the truth either and i would have to wait till morning to text my brother and ask him about it, as you must remember, we are not talking to HER. yes, we do not say her name. so i told gabriel, if you're not here with news about my opah, if YOU PEOPLE really have something constructive to say to me, go back where you came from and bring me someone female. much appreciated.
father says to make fun of gabriel if that will make me feel better, sort of like a coping mechanism. tell him to stop smoking in the house. most of all, father tells me to ignore gabriel as much as i can. this is getting harder with the appearances/becomings of agnes, who would much rather be called Catherine THe Astonishing. catherine the astonishing was a saint to which there is a lot of debate as to whether she is insane or just holy. this is something agnes struggles with quite a lot. whether she is truly mad, particularly bonkers, like in wonderland, or whether she is holy. remember agnes still has that idea of becoming a nun. i wonder if you can be a nun and still be on disability. i wonder if you can create your own order, be a nun of that order, not be sanctioned by the catholic church, if it fits your maddness and therefore satisfies this insane need to be a nun. if you remember correctly i was supposed to join the order of st catherine in HElen, ga and didn't and so perhaps this is why the "me" that is agnes struggles with such a concept of holy vs. insane.
according to katie, the therapist we have dumped, there are 47 of "me" and no, i am not in touch with all of us. we do have internal conversation that sometimes manifests itself as out loud verbal conversation with ourselfves, and it is very oten in a public place and in the presance of other people. father has caught me talking to ourselves and asked me if we were alright. at the time i think we were arguing with the baby, mandi , who is four. she wanted to see father. she was mad that mariyanna had been the one to be out and not her , because she had wanted to play tea party with him and talk to him and tell him things. we explained that it would not be appropriate to talk to father right now because there are grown up things to be handled with father, and it was just not time. she won, because she made us throw up, wich is a very old method of forcing people popping. and we did , we threw up all our coffee that father had bought us and became mandi. and then we had to pop backbecause we had to go home on the bus and it requierd not being four.
the problem with agnes you see, is that we start out as agnes, who likes art and makes paper mache and happy thoughts boxes, and in the middle of the project pop out as someone little, most likely mandi or elizabeth, and things get to looking like a child made it. well that statement is true. a child did make it. a child version, how ever many there are, made it. and messed it up. like today. agnes took a tile that was sitting on the front porch that peter was doing nothing with, as it had been sitting there for years, and wanted to paint the holy mother on it. so agnes began and when we were done we found ourselves as mandi, as if we had dissassociated while painiting, and i tell you it's quite..well you definintely can't tell its' a sacred heard picture of OUR MOTHER because brenton didn 't know what it was. butthen again, that doesn't mean it's a pile of paint on a tile, it just means a child did it and it could be anything. it rather looks like a rainbow with glitter on it and a heart on it. no face so it's very hard to tell that it's the holy mother, but then again, the one that made it, to the one that made it it looks very much like the holy mother. we are going to give it to father. father did we tell you about the dream we had where you were a 500 year old wizard?
so yes, i have been seeing the archangel gabriel. he follows me around in a ball of fire. not the kind of ball of fire that you cannot see the details of, but more like, gabriel is onfire all the time and he says the damnedest things. the first time he appeared, about at the begining of the month, there was a flash of light and he told me we were out of coffee. this was rather bugging me at the time, so it didn't improve matters for him to remind me of this. maybe it was just his way of breaking ice and making conversation. kind of like, my what big teeth you have, the better to eat you with, my dear. so i told him, i asked him, was my opah dead and was he here to tell me such. he said my opah wasn't dead, but i didn't really believe him, but i had to wait till morning to ask mommy. so i asked him was my mother dead, and he said no, but again, i wasn't sure that was the truth either and i would have to wait till morning to text my brother and ask him about it, as you must remember, we are not talking to HER. yes, we do not say her name. so i told gabriel, if you're not here with news about my opah, if YOU PEOPLE really have something constructive to say to me, go back where you came from and bring me someone female. much appreciated.
father says to make fun of gabriel if that will make me feel better, sort of like a coping mechanism. tell him to stop smoking in the house. most of all, father tells me to ignore gabriel as much as i can. this is getting harder with the appearances/becomings of agnes, who would much rather be called Catherine THe Astonishing. catherine the astonishing was a saint to which there is a lot of debate as to whether she is insane or just holy. this is something agnes struggles with quite a lot. whether she is truly mad, particularly bonkers, like in wonderland, or whether she is holy. remember agnes still has that idea of becoming a nun. i wonder if you can be a nun and still be on disability. i wonder if you can create your own order, be a nun of that order, not be sanctioned by the catholic church, if it fits your maddness and therefore satisfies this insane need to be a nun. if you remember correctly i was supposed to join the order of st catherine in HElen, ga and didn't and so perhaps this is why the "me" that is agnes struggles with such a concept of holy vs. insane.
according to katie, the therapist we have dumped, there are 47 of "me" and no, i am not in touch with all of us. we do have internal conversation that sometimes manifests itself as out loud verbal conversation with ourselfves, and it is very oten in a public place and in the presance of other people. father has caught me talking to ourselves and asked me if we were alright. at the time i think we were arguing with the baby, mandi , who is four. she wanted to see father. she was mad that mariyanna had been the one to be out and not her , because she had wanted to play tea party with him and talk to him and tell him things. we explained that it would not be appropriate to talk to father right now because there are grown up things to be handled with father, and it was just not time. she won, because she made us throw up, wich is a very old method of forcing people popping. and we did , we threw up all our coffee that father had bought us and became mandi. and then we had to pop backbecause we had to go home on the bus and it requierd not being four.
the problem with agnes you see, is that we start out as agnes, who likes art and makes paper mache and happy thoughts boxes, and in the middle of the project pop out as someone little, most likely mandi or elizabeth, and things get to looking like a child made it. well that statement is true. a child did make it. a child version, how ever many there are, made it. and messed it up. like today. agnes took a tile that was sitting on the front porch that peter was doing nothing with, as it had been sitting there for years, and wanted to paint the holy mother on it. so agnes began and when we were done we found ourselves as mandi, as if we had dissassociated while painiting, and i tell you it's quite..well you definintely can't tell its' a sacred heard picture of OUR MOTHER because brenton didn 't know what it was. butthen again, that doesn't mean it's a pile of paint on a tile, it just means a child did it and it could be anything. it rather looks like a rainbow with glitter on it and a heart on it. no face so it's very hard to tell that it's the holy mother, but then again, the one that made it, to the one that made it it looks very much like the holy mother. we are going to give it to father. father did we tell you about the dream we had where you were a 500 year old wizard?