(no subject)
I'm feeling crappy again today. I don't know why. I just am. I feel so down. I'm sitting in class and I just don't want to be there. I just would rather be.... I don't to answer that. Its hard to sit there. There are presentations on the group activity at clinical and some of them are talking about things that I feel sad about because I know it too well, in ways they don't know, in ways almost no one knows. And I know. And its hard. And I have to sit there and listen and pretend I don't know. And its hard. Maybe I don't want to know. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't know what I want at all. Maybe I'm just confused and down. Anyways. Its break. I don't want to be with people so I'm sitting in the classroom while everyone but a couple other people and the teacher are gone to lunch. Anyways, I don't know why I feel so crappy. I just do. Its the bitch of being bipolar and that's that. Things were going to well. I was too happy. And then crash. Boom. Here I am down again. I'm hoping to snap out of it. Lately I usually do because of the meds. Last semester I was for a couple of weeks. And then it lifted. It wasnt that bad. It wasn't horrible. But it wasn't good. It wasn't acceptable, it wasn't okay. But it happened and there were reasons. I could identify reasons. There are possible reasons right now. Possible triggers. I don't know. I'm just me. And I'm feeling rather stupid. Because of this. Yes. That's that. There's some more complication to the situation but I can't talk about it here. I can't reveal that. Its a secret that I can't bare to reveal. Maybe I'll send something into LJ secret. I find that therapeutic. *sigh* That's that.