(no subject)
so back to this.... i just dont know what to do anymore. i feel like nothing i ever do is good enough, because no matter how hard i try, i dont live up to my own standards. i can't keep my room clean, i've been losing my patience with everyone, i haven't slept well in a week, i wake up with a panic attack for no reason, and the only advice i ever get is "learn to be strong, learn to let things not bother you". jesus christ, if it was that easy, i'd be DOING IT ALREADY. i know everyone thinks that no one understands them, but i really think no one understands me.
plus i was looking forward to going to this concert tonight with kevin, just so we could have some "going out and doing something" time instead of "sitting home" time, and i dont think he wants to go. he told me to "find out stuff for him" and then he'd tell me if he was going to come or not. I still want to go, so i guess if he doesn't, i'll take someone else, or just go with meghan and scott and be the third wheel.
and its like im not even allowed to be sad, because that makes me a weak person, and god forbid i'm not perfect.
plus i was looking forward to going to this concert tonight with kevin, just so we could have some "going out and doing something" time instead of "sitting home" time, and i dont think he wants to go. he told me to "find out stuff for him" and then he'd tell me if he was going to come or not. I still want to go, so i guess if he doesn't, i'll take someone else, or just go with meghan and scott and be the third wheel.
and its like im not even allowed to be sad, because that makes me a weak person, and god forbid i'm not perfect.