update? me? what?

[purpleamz27]

haha yes i am going to update. so the past few days have been insane. very stressful... reminicent. i've been nervous and scared and tired and i dunno. i took up my favorite past time from last july til this january last night - crying. i used to do it all the time. whenever i'd talk to him, think about him, but hey it's been 6 months since that and im over it and have been for a long while now. but i mean i've been waiting for the day that he came home from germany for good, so long now. a year ago i would think of that day as the happiest of my life so far. and he's now been home for a week and without even catching a peek or saying a word to him i was fine. until yesterday it happened. and it was weird to see him, awkward to talk to him. and today i went over and talked a little more caught up on a little. but it'll never be the same. i don't care boyfriend or not anymore, its best friend. for a year and a half he cared for me like no one else, i could talk to him like no one else. and that's all i want back, for real, my friend. and it'll never be the same and that's what makes me sad. and i wrote a song today, well 2 and it made me feel much better. maybe now i can think of how to sing them and maybe jaczz can play piano for me. i dunno. being sad is no fun so im gunna stop now cause i curled my hair today and it looks pretty and i have a cute pink outfit on and im gunna go hang out with my friends ;)
i think this may come in a close first for most pathetic entry ever written by myself