Avengers Kink Meme Fic: Bruce/Tony; Vitamins are Overrated Anyway, PG-13
Title: Vitamins are Overrated Anyway
Verse: Avengers
Pairing: Bruce/Tony, but only at the end
Status: Bit of Gen, bit of slash
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2000
Genre: Gen, Fluff
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Avengers. Please don't sue me.
Summary: Tony never takes care of himself does he? The Avengers intervene.
AN: From this prompt over on the kink meme "Tony spends so much time in his workshop and forgetting to eat, he's diagnosed with a vitamin D deficiency. Team and friends start dragging him out and feeding him multivitamins and healthy food."
To be perfectly honest, Tony finds the whole thing a little insulting. He’s a genius damn it. He has two degrees, untold numbers of patents, and dozens of academic awards. By all reckoning, he’s more than a little intelligent. So, if he wanted to stay awake for four days straight, living off coffee and pita chips, that was his right. Besides, his best idea of all time had come to him in a cave, so in his mind food, sleep and going outside were all drastically over rated. He didn’t need them, and he certainly didn’t need some hippy with an unhealthy love of quinoa telling him what’s best for his body, thank you very much.
“How did he even get in here?” Tony points a wrench at the interloper but refuses to look at him directly. Maybe if he’s enough of a dick to him, the guy will leave.
Steve was having none of it though. “I didn’t invite him, so don’t give me that look. SHIELD sent him. Part of some sort of health initiative they’ve started.”
“A preventative program based on holistic health,” the guy supplies. It takes all of Tony’s strength not to throw the wrench at him for that.
Steve nods, crossing his arms and putting on his best Captain America, serious-business, face. “Exactly. I think it’s a great idea. And even if I didn’t, it’s mandatory, so let Skip - ”
“SKIP?”
“Yes, Skip! Let Skip asks his questions, and do your blood work, and whatever else he needs to do, and then you can get back to work.”
“Steeeeevvvvve!”
“Now Tony!” And that apparently, is the end of that. Steve walks out of the lab and Tony is left behind with Skip, and no way out, short of blowing up the lab.
“This won’t take very long Mr. Stark, and I think you’ll find that a preventative approach to health will offer you a lot of long term benefits...”
“STEVE!”
##########
A week and a half later Tony has all but forgotten about his torturous forty minutes spent with Skip, and has once again happily buried himself in a mountain of test tubes, candy wrappers and coffee mugs. He’s quite engrossed in an article regarding breakthroughs in particle physics, and so is a bit caught off guard when he turns around to find Steve standing behind him, holding a file folder.
“Sweet Zombie Jesus Steve! Warn a guy would you?” How could such a big guy be so sneaky? Completely unfair.
Steve looked a little too smug for Tony’s liking as he passed over the folder he was holding. “We got the results back from your test with Skip.”
“Skip?” Tony took the folder sceptically, “I don’t know anyone named Skip.”
Steve heroically resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Yes you do Tony. I practically had to tie you down to get you to talk to him.”
“Oh wait, the granola guy? That whole thing is still going on?”
Steve did roll his eyes at that one. “Yes Tony, it’s still going on. Luckily for you, by some kind of miracle you’re not too unhealthy. You have a some vitamin deficiencies, but a few changes to your diet can deal with that. You know, vegetables and fruit every day. Whole grains maybe.”
Tony laughed. He couldn’t help it. “Tony Stark doesn’t do heath food Cap. Or eating every day for that matter.”
“I had a feeling that you’d react that way. So I had Skip send along some multi-vitamins for you,” he tossed a bottle to Tony, “You don’t even have to read the label. I’ve already asked JARVIS to remind you to take them. I’m sure you can manage.”
Tony glanced at the label on the bottle for a quick second before tossing it onto his bench behind him. “Fine. Can you leave now? I have geniusing I need to get done.”
“Almost. Skip also said that you have a rather serious vitamin D deficiency.”
“Yes, yes, take the pills. I’ve got it Steve.”
“Actually, he said the best way to combat it is to go outside.”
“I’ve gone outside! And I’m sure I will again. Sometime soon even.”
“Every day Tony. For at least 20 minutes, while the sun is up. And so help me, I will drag you out there myself if I have to.”
“WHAT? Every day? Come on Steve, that’s so often!”
But Steve was already on his way out of the lab, discussion apparently over.
“JARVIS, pull up all the information SHIELD has on this Skip guy. Let’s put him on some terrorism watch-lists.”
“I regret to inform you sir, that Captain Rogers has already given me instructions not to allow you to do so.”
“JARVIS, you’re a rotten traitor.”
“So it would seem sir.”
##########
Steve, true to his word, showed up the next day to take Tony outside.
“Steve, not to be rude or anything, but I’m kind of in the middle of something. Besides, I’m not a dog, it’s not like you need to exercise me.”
“Whatever you’re working on can wait Tony. This won’t take very long, and it’s for your own good.”
“Listen, not that I wouldn’t love a walk with grandpa, but I have better things to - son of a bitch! Put me down!”
Steve had evidently learned something about trying to negotiate with Tony and had chosen an easier route than talking, hoisting Tony over his shoulder with no apparent effort at all.
“Not that I’m not enjoying my new view of your ass, but don’t you think carrying me over your shoulder was just a bit much?”
“Nope. Come on Tony. We can even play fetch if you want.”
And so it began.
##########
Tony’s health, apparently, was to be the Avenger’s new mission. And never let it be said that the Avenger’s don’t take to missions whole heartedly.
Natasha was, of course, much more subtle in her efforts than Steve, though in reality she could have dragged Tony out of his lab by his beard if she’d wanted to. Luckily for him though, she chose a nicer path.
It took Tony a few days to notice a pattern, but eventually he clued in that each time he missed more than one meal because his latest project was just too critical to leave, Natasha would show up with a bowl full of something too nutritious to be permitted in the lab under normal circumstances. She’d leave it with him with a significant look, and probably out of a subconscious fear of incurring her wrath he’d always end up eating it. He barely noticed as the amount of vegetables increased.
Clint used a similar strategy, asking Tony for advice about his bow or arrows, needing input on weight or trajectory, always coincidentally at the rooftop firing range. Tony knew what he was up to but he would get too distracted by the potential of carbon fibre arrow tips and mid-flight flare deployment that he didn’t mind having to go outside.
No one had ever accused Thor of being subtle, and he carried that spirit into his quest - that’s right quest - to help Tony. Somehow he managed to get JARVIS to tell him when Tony needed to take his supplements, and took it upon himself to make sure Tony followed the AI’s instructions. He would frequently burst into wherever Tony was, a flurry of hair and enthusiasm, to charm him into taking care of himself. Tony would eventually take his supplements, mainly to get the Thor to go away, lest he knock over a radioactive cartridge - again - and risk killing them all.
Steve maintained his daily visits to Tony’s lab to drag him outside, and some days Tony would even go willingly. More often than not though, Steve would chase him around the lab, dodging robots and hazardous chemicals before cornering him and escorting him out. Their outings usually consisted of sitting - moping in Tony’s case - in any nearby patch of sun, and were honestly not as bad as Tony had anticipated. He still always made Steve catch him though - it was a lot of fun to watch him attempting to be graceful in a minefield of test tubes and screwdrivers.
Of all the Avengers though, Bruce’s methods were by far Tony’s favourite. The other scientist had always been an ally in Tony’s battles against taking care of himself, understanding the drive to stay up for days on end or how easy it was to get manically focused on a problem. That said, Bruce did have a tendency to eat regularly, was annoyingly obsessed with fruit and green tea, and would sleep without being forced to. These facts did not escape Tony’s notice, but he always figured that Bruce’s insane desire to be healthy was his own business.
With their team mates taking up the call to get him healthy, Tony warily kept an eye on Bruce, expecting to be bombarded by foods with anti-oxidants and lectures about the benefits of yoga at any moment. For the most part though, Bruce maintained their status quo, making no drastic moves except occasionally offering Tony some of his lunch or making him a cup of tea. He cared about Tony, but he wasn’t sure if the Big Guy could handle the stress of being Tony’s personal care taker, so he let the other Avengers do most of the intervening.
It wasn’t until Tony had refused meals from Natasha, evaded Steve and ignored Thor and Clint’s increasingly desperate invitations to leave the lab for five straight days that Bruce took it upon himself to do something.
“Tony, don’t you think it’s time for a break? Maybe a nap, some food, a walk?”
Even he didn’t believe Tony’s mumbled “I’ll be done soon Bruce. Just a few more hours.”
“You’ve been saying that for days, Tony. You can’t live like Kit-Kat fueled vampire forever. I’m amazed you haven’t overdosed on sugar and caffeine yet. Even you have to have your limits.”
“This is important Bruce,” Tony snapped at him, looking up from the circuit board he was working on for the first time. “I can’t just walk away and go eat a carrot. I have work to do.”
Bruce sighed, knowing full well that he had very little hope of getting Tony away from his bench just by talking to him. He’d have a better chance teaching Thor to use the remote control. After a minute of considering alternate strategies, he smiled to himself. They didn’t call him a genius for nothing.
“Tony,” he leaned in closer to the other man, all but whispering in his ear, “If you eat the dinner Natasha brought you, I’ll give you a blow job.”
The sound of Tony dropping his pliers had to be the most satisfying thing Bruce had ever heard.
“What, really?” Tony turned to him, eyes wide and hopeful. “Like here, in the lab?”
Bruce had barely nodded once before Tony grabbed the nearest bowl of food and started shovelling into his mouth at a frankly alarming speed.
“And, if you go outside everyday for a week I’ll let you wear the suit while we make out.”
Tony gaped at him around a mouthful of food “Are you serious?” (Though it sounded a bit more like “Rrrr oooo ferious?”)
Bruce couldn’t help the smug grin that spread across his face as he watched him. “I could never joke about making out or the suit.”
Tony victoriously swallowed his last bite of food, tossing the bowl haphazardly onto his bench. “In that case I could probably make some time for leaving the lab.”
Bruce smiled, leaning in for a quick kiss before backing on and sinking to his knees. “See? There are some benefits to all this health stuff.”
Oh yes, Bruce’s methods were definitely Tony’s favourite.
Verse: Avengers
Pairing: Bruce/Tony, but only at the end
Status: Bit of Gen, bit of slash
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2000
Genre: Gen, Fluff
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Avengers. Please don't sue me.
Summary: Tony never takes care of himself does he? The Avengers intervene.
AN: From this prompt over on the kink meme "Tony spends so much time in his workshop and forgetting to eat, he's diagnosed with a vitamin D deficiency. Team and friends start dragging him out and feeding him multivitamins and healthy food."
To be perfectly honest, Tony finds the whole thing a little insulting. He’s a genius damn it. He has two degrees, untold numbers of patents, and dozens of academic awards. By all reckoning, he’s more than a little intelligent. So, if he wanted to stay awake for four days straight, living off coffee and pita chips, that was his right. Besides, his best idea of all time had come to him in a cave, so in his mind food, sleep and going outside were all drastically over rated. He didn’t need them, and he certainly didn’t need some hippy with an unhealthy love of quinoa telling him what’s best for his body, thank you very much.
“How did he even get in here?” Tony points a wrench at the interloper but refuses to look at him directly. Maybe if he’s enough of a dick to him, the guy will leave.
Steve was having none of it though. “I didn’t invite him, so don’t give me that look. SHIELD sent him. Part of some sort of health initiative they’ve started.”
“A preventative program based on holistic health,” the guy supplies. It takes all of Tony’s strength not to throw the wrench at him for that.
Steve nods, crossing his arms and putting on his best Captain America, serious-business, face. “Exactly. I think it’s a great idea. And even if I didn’t, it’s mandatory, so let Skip - ”
“SKIP?”
“Yes, Skip! Let Skip asks his questions, and do your blood work, and whatever else he needs to do, and then you can get back to work.”
“Steeeeevvvvve!”
“Now Tony!” And that apparently, is the end of that. Steve walks out of the lab and Tony is left behind with Skip, and no way out, short of blowing up the lab.
“This won’t take very long Mr. Stark, and I think you’ll find that a preventative approach to health will offer you a lot of long term benefits...”
“STEVE!”
##########
A week and a half later Tony has all but forgotten about his torturous forty minutes spent with Skip, and has once again happily buried himself in a mountain of test tubes, candy wrappers and coffee mugs. He’s quite engrossed in an article regarding breakthroughs in particle physics, and so is a bit caught off guard when he turns around to find Steve standing behind him, holding a file folder.
“Sweet Zombie Jesus Steve! Warn a guy would you?” How could such a big guy be so sneaky? Completely unfair.
Steve looked a little too smug for Tony’s liking as he passed over the folder he was holding. “We got the results back from your test with Skip.”
“Skip?” Tony took the folder sceptically, “I don’t know anyone named Skip.”
Steve heroically resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Yes you do Tony. I practically had to tie you down to get you to talk to him.”
“Oh wait, the granola guy? That whole thing is still going on?”
Steve did roll his eyes at that one. “Yes Tony, it’s still going on. Luckily for you, by some kind of miracle you’re not too unhealthy. You have a some vitamin deficiencies, but a few changes to your diet can deal with that. You know, vegetables and fruit every day. Whole grains maybe.”
Tony laughed. He couldn’t help it. “Tony Stark doesn’t do heath food Cap. Or eating every day for that matter.”
“I had a feeling that you’d react that way. So I had Skip send along some multi-vitamins for you,” he tossed a bottle to Tony, “You don’t even have to read the label. I’ve already asked JARVIS to remind you to take them. I’m sure you can manage.”
Tony glanced at the label on the bottle for a quick second before tossing it onto his bench behind him. “Fine. Can you leave now? I have geniusing I need to get done.”
“Almost. Skip also said that you have a rather serious vitamin D deficiency.”
“Yes, yes, take the pills. I’ve got it Steve.”
“Actually, he said the best way to combat it is to go outside.”
“I’ve gone outside! And I’m sure I will again. Sometime soon even.”
“Every day Tony. For at least 20 minutes, while the sun is up. And so help me, I will drag you out there myself if I have to.”
“WHAT? Every day? Come on Steve, that’s so often!”
But Steve was already on his way out of the lab, discussion apparently over.
“JARVIS, pull up all the information SHIELD has on this Skip guy. Let’s put him on some terrorism watch-lists.”
“I regret to inform you sir, that Captain Rogers has already given me instructions not to allow you to do so.”
“JARVIS, you’re a rotten traitor.”
“So it would seem sir.”
##########
Steve, true to his word, showed up the next day to take Tony outside.
“Steve, not to be rude or anything, but I’m kind of in the middle of something. Besides, I’m not a dog, it’s not like you need to exercise me.”
“Whatever you’re working on can wait Tony. This won’t take very long, and it’s for your own good.”
“Listen, not that I wouldn’t love a walk with grandpa, but I have better things to - son of a bitch! Put me down!”
Steve had evidently learned something about trying to negotiate with Tony and had chosen an easier route than talking, hoisting Tony over his shoulder with no apparent effort at all.
“Not that I’m not enjoying my new view of your ass, but don’t you think carrying me over your shoulder was just a bit much?”
“Nope. Come on Tony. We can even play fetch if you want.”
And so it began.
##########
Tony’s health, apparently, was to be the Avenger’s new mission. And never let it be said that the Avenger’s don’t take to missions whole heartedly.
Natasha was, of course, much more subtle in her efforts than Steve, though in reality she could have dragged Tony out of his lab by his beard if she’d wanted to. Luckily for him though, she chose a nicer path.
It took Tony a few days to notice a pattern, but eventually he clued in that each time he missed more than one meal because his latest project was just too critical to leave, Natasha would show up with a bowl full of something too nutritious to be permitted in the lab under normal circumstances. She’d leave it with him with a significant look, and probably out of a subconscious fear of incurring her wrath he’d always end up eating it. He barely noticed as the amount of vegetables increased.
Clint used a similar strategy, asking Tony for advice about his bow or arrows, needing input on weight or trajectory, always coincidentally at the rooftop firing range. Tony knew what he was up to but he would get too distracted by the potential of carbon fibre arrow tips and mid-flight flare deployment that he didn’t mind having to go outside.
No one had ever accused Thor of being subtle, and he carried that spirit into his quest - that’s right quest - to help Tony. Somehow he managed to get JARVIS to tell him when Tony needed to take his supplements, and took it upon himself to make sure Tony followed the AI’s instructions. He would frequently burst into wherever Tony was, a flurry of hair and enthusiasm, to charm him into taking care of himself. Tony would eventually take his supplements, mainly to get the Thor to go away, lest he knock over a radioactive cartridge - again - and risk killing them all.
Steve maintained his daily visits to Tony’s lab to drag him outside, and some days Tony would even go willingly. More often than not though, Steve would chase him around the lab, dodging robots and hazardous chemicals before cornering him and escorting him out. Their outings usually consisted of sitting - moping in Tony’s case - in any nearby patch of sun, and were honestly not as bad as Tony had anticipated. He still always made Steve catch him though - it was a lot of fun to watch him attempting to be graceful in a minefield of test tubes and screwdrivers.
Of all the Avengers though, Bruce’s methods were by far Tony’s favourite. The other scientist had always been an ally in Tony’s battles against taking care of himself, understanding the drive to stay up for days on end or how easy it was to get manically focused on a problem. That said, Bruce did have a tendency to eat regularly, was annoyingly obsessed with fruit and green tea, and would sleep without being forced to. These facts did not escape Tony’s notice, but he always figured that Bruce’s insane desire to be healthy was his own business.
With their team mates taking up the call to get him healthy, Tony warily kept an eye on Bruce, expecting to be bombarded by foods with anti-oxidants and lectures about the benefits of yoga at any moment. For the most part though, Bruce maintained their status quo, making no drastic moves except occasionally offering Tony some of his lunch or making him a cup of tea. He cared about Tony, but he wasn’t sure if the Big Guy could handle the stress of being Tony’s personal care taker, so he let the other Avengers do most of the intervening.
It wasn’t until Tony had refused meals from Natasha, evaded Steve and ignored Thor and Clint’s increasingly desperate invitations to leave the lab for five straight days that Bruce took it upon himself to do something.
“Tony, don’t you think it’s time for a break? Maybe a nap, some food, a walk?”
Even he didn’t believe Tony’s mumbled “I’ll be done soon Bruce. Just a few more hours.”
“You’ve been saying that for days, Tony. You can’t live like Kit-Kat fueled vampire forever. I’m amazed you haven’t overdosed on sugar and caffeine yet. Even you have to have your limits.”
“This is important Bruce,” Tony snapped at him, looking up from the circuit board he was working on for the first time. “I can’t just walk away and go eat a carrot. I have work to do.”
Bruce sighed, knowing full well that he had very little hope of getting Tony away from his bench just by talking to him. He’d have a better chance teaching Thor to use the remote control. After a minute of considering alternate strategies, he smiled to himself. They didn’t call him a genius for nothing.
“Tony,” he leaned in closer to the other man, all but whispering in his ear, “If you eat the dinner Natasha brought you, I’ll give you a blow job.”
The sound of Tony dropping his pliers had to be the most satisfying thing Bruce had ever heard.
“What, really?” Tony turned to him, eyes wide and hopeful. “Like here, in the lab?”
Bruce had barely nodded once before Tony grabbed the nearest bowl of food and started shovelling into his mouth at a frankly alarming speed.
“And, if you go outside everyday for a week I’ll let you wear the suit while we make out.”
Tony gaped at him around a mouthful of food “Are you serious?” (Though it sounded a bit more like “Rrrr oooo ferious?”)
Bruce couldn’t help the smug grin that spread across his face as he watched him. “I could never joke about making out or the suit.”
Tony victoriously swallowed his last bite of food, tossing the bowl haphazardly onto his bench. “In that case I could probably make some time for leaving the lab.”
Bruce smiled, leaning in for a quick kiss before backing on and sinking to his knees. “See? There are some benefits to all this health stuff.”
Oh yes, Bruce’s methods were definitely Tony’s favourite.