it's been 5 years...
How do you meet someone new? I haven't really met someone new in 5 years... that sounds a little pathetic, doesn't it? I've had jobs, and coworkers whom i have kept in contact with, but that's not the same thing, nor what i'm actually talking about. Where does a 27 y/o single mother meet people? I mean, at these jobs I've socialized with customers, and endlessly flirted with the construction workers that came in to Rite Aid after they got off work to buy beer, but that's because they're amusing, and made me blush without making me uncomfortable :) Once i got asked out by a 55 y/o and i laughed it off because i thought he was kidding, and i think i hurt his feelings, i never saw him again. But I suppose that's not really the point either. You know, the best friends I've ever had have always been the outgoing personality types... because I have always needed them to "get my foot in the door". By that, I mean, I would have never gone to a club by myself, I would have never gone up to a group of strangers and started chatting or ask to join in their card game. I would have never been brave enough to go line dancing the first time (which i miss tremendously!). But now, it's even worse... I used to just get nervous meeting new people, now just the IDEA of meeting someone new straight out terrifies me. And maybe part of it is the fact that in the past 5 years, I've lived in 4 states other than "Home". Maybe part of it is the fact that I'm afraid to ask my parents to keep the kids for the evening so i COULD go out and do something, but what does an introvert do in a strange city anyway? And maybe it's because I haven't had my best friend in 5 years... who always told me "it's time to get out of the house" or "you just have to get out there... see like 'this'" I miss her. Sometimes. Other times, I remember the things that she did and how selfish she could be... but sometimes i admired her for those same qualities because she did what she wanted, consequences be damned. I don't know, I'm tired of being lonely, and yes, I get that i'm only lonely because i choose to be, but I don't purposely choose to be, I'm not outgoing unless I'm really comfortable in my surroundings. I want to start school in the fall, and as ridiculous as it sounds, even the thought of going through that process scares me, because I know that means I have to go talk to strangers. But i need to do something with my life. For my kids. For ME. So I can go back "Home" and get some of my comfort level back and be able to support my little family.
I know I'm not normal, I get that. But sometimes I really wonder if something's wrong with me. Seriously.
I cry too much.
I worry too much.
I care too much.
Meh. It takes a little bit of everything to make the world go round, right?
I know I'm not normal, I get that. But sometimes I really wonder if something's wrong with me. Seriously.
I cry too much.
I worry too much.
I care too much.
Meh. It takes a little bit of everything to make the world go round, right?