(no subject)
this was originally on my facebook, but theres too many people who "absorb" everything on facebook, so taking it off seemed like a good idea...but this also happens to be one of my more (only) insightful posts, so i'll post it here where not many people read it.
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i think my turtles are depressed. one eats too much, and the other doesnt eat at all. its like two conflicting personalities who happen to share the same watery-compartment.
like how i'm afraid to join my friends to attend a situation where i wont know anybody but them, and yet i have no problem spending 3 hours alone with two kids i dont know, laughing and chatting it up like old pals.
or like how memories of what i used to have keep playing over and over in my head... and how i wish that i could make new ones, and really enjoy myself... but i'm still mourning the loss of the old ones.
and just down the hall from me, there's a bunch of people i've spent about 6 months living with, and theyre having a "porn pictures" party and dressing in their most gaudy intimate apparell, and once upon a time i would have jumped right on that, but something's holding me back.
or when an old friend calls me up, and we spend hours talking about everything and how it used to be, and instead of laughing at how dumb we were, i want to cry because i would give almost anything to have that back.
and yet every weekend i tell myself to stay in grinnell, because i'm never going to make it here unless i try. and i feel sad when i go...but every weekend i do go. i go home to what i know...and i never take that chance.
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i think my turtles are depressed. one eats too much, and the other doesnt eat at all. its like two conflicting personalities who happen to share the same watery-compartment.
like how i'm afraid to join my friends to attend a situation where i wont know anybody but them, and yet i have no problem spending 3 hours alone with two kids i dont know, laughing and chatting it up like old pals.
or like how memories of what i used to have keep playing over and over in my head... and how i wish that i could make new ones, and really enjoy myself... but i'm still mourning the loss of the old ones.
and just down the hall from me, there's a bunch of people i've spent about 6 months living with, and theyre having a "porn pictures" party and dressing in their most gaudy intimate apparell, and once upon a time i would have jumped right on that, but something's holding me back.
or when an old friend calls me up, and we spend hours talking about everything and how it used to be, and instead of laughing at how dumb we were, i want to cry because i would give almost anything to have that back.
and yet every weekend i tell myself to stay in grinnell, because i'm never going to make it here unless i try. and i feel sad when i go...but every weekend i do go. i go home to what i know...and i never take that chance.