(no subject)
i haven't written, properly written, on here in a long while. i felt particularly compelled to do so after my last media lecture of the semester, a lecture this afternoon dedicated to the subject, style and practice of blogging.
our lecturer encouraged those of us with one to write as regularly as possible, and for those without to create one as soon as humanly possible. even if it's only 'one of those narcissistic, me me me live journals'.
i in no way deny the fact that over the last... four, i think it is, years, this journal has been a place of incredibly narcissistic, self-centred, whiny, emotional and overreacting teenage angst. as far as journalistic style goes, it certainly hasn't been spectacular, and although i always try to write with at least a bit of style, those attempts have often been overtaken by the dramatised content and my emotional stage at the time of posting.
the lecturer asked those of us who keep blogs why we do it. the only student brave enough to speak up in front of the packed lecture theatre said that he uses it as an personal outlet which doubles as a communicative tool. for me, my live journal has been an incredible learning tool. it's documented pretty much every important emotional event in my life since i was fifteen. and everyone who's ever been fifteen knows that it's a pretty turbulent, emotional stage. looking back, i realise that the stuff i was going through really wasn't that bad, but we all know that at the time it feels as though every decision is life or death. i wouldn't be fifteen again for anything. however, every once in a while, it does help to read what i wrote way back then. it often brings up feelings and memories that i had locked away, things that now feel like a lifetime ago. sometimes these feel just as raw and as current as they did then. i've found, though, that the connections that can be made between events and emotions and thoughts in the past and life now. this retrospection has made me realise the true value of time as a healer, and also helped me to deal with some things that at the time i found unbearable. i'm realising that everything does happen for a reason, whether or not it can immediately be seen. things that happened when i was fifteen or sixteen that broke my heart now make sense. i'm glad of them, even. things that i couldn't even bear to think about now make me smile. i've made some valuable friends on this thing. and i've lost some. this transition period between high school and university has not been easy. i haven't written alot over the last few months for a few reasons. it's true that i do not often have an abundance of free time, with university, work, and a slight social life, however i can't use this as my only excuse. i must admit that i had forgotten how useful and ultimately important reflection can be as a process of learning and developing emotionally. i'm often an emotional wreck in person, and i have an inkling that this might in part be due to a lack of personal reflection, combined with a lack of personal writing. i'm taking a media writing class and an academic essay writing class - i can write a perfect hard news story with the inverted pyramid style, or a radio promotion script, or a professionally referenced aristolian argument... but i've forgotten how to write for me. it sounds so touchy-feely. and maybe it is incredibly narcissistic. after all, i'm not debating controvserial international politics or workplace reforms or even the environment. i'm writing about my life and my feelings and my thoughts. maybe as a professional, academic process, this is not worthwhile or fulfilling. but as a personal process, it's one of the most important there is.
i might not have a really edgy layout, or know all the ins and outs of html and formatting, or even have a nice little community of friends who tell me how attractive i am every time i post a picture of myself looking moody; i might be one of the most narcissistic people you'll find on here, but does it matter? i never, and will never, write here for any other purpose than to put my thoughts into words, to let writing play a part in my own inner processes of dealing with events in my life, to pay testament to the great things and to mourn those not so great. i'm not serving a greater purpose. some blogs do, and some bloggers believe that's the only point of keeping one. but for me, if i can come back to things i write now in three years and learn something about myself, however small, then my live journal has been useful, and my blogging has served its original, and only purpose.
in other news, i'm going to europe. aleksei and i bought plane tickets on saturday. we're leaving sydney on december 2 for st petersburg via tokyo and amsterdam, and spending the next two months travelling around to wherever we want, whenever we want. we're planning on spending christmas with merryl in besancon, and then new years eve in paris, but other than that, have all of europe at our disposal. if anyone has any suggestions on cities/sights to visit, i'd be very interested to hear.
university has almost finished for the semester, i just have a few lectures and tutes left and then exams. then four blissful weeks of holidays, although i will be trying to get as much work as possible in order to save for the trip. i think that semester has gone incredibly quickly, i'm nearly 1/8 through my degree, and i've learnt more about my subjects and life and myself than i have in a long, long time. people always say that uni is the best time of your life, and while the pressure of exams and assessments and everything else is sometimes a bit much, it's not looking too bad so far.
i don't really have anything introspective or poetic to end this with. so i won't. but it feels good to have used my journal again. i can't really say whether or not it'll become a habit - as a child and teenager i always tried to keep diaries and they never stuck. but once in a while, when life slows down a little, i might try and take a look back, and update. i hope everyone around here is happy, and if you're not, i honestly hope that sometime soon, that changes.
our lecturer encouraged those of us with one to write as regularly as possible, and for those without to create one as soon as humanly possible. even if it's only 'one of those narcissistic, me me me live journals'.
i in no way deny the fact that over the last... four, i think it is, years, this journal has been a place of incredibly narcissistic, self-centred, whiny, emotional and overreacting teenage angst. as far as journalistic style goes, it certainly hasn't been spectacular, and although i always try to write with at least a bit of style, those attempts have often been overtaken by the dramatised content and my emotional stage at the time of posting.
the lecturer asked those of us who keep blogs why we do it. the only student brave enough to speak up in front of the packed lecture theatre said that he uses it as an personal outlet which doubles as a communicative tool. for me, my live journal has been an incredible learning tool. it's documented pretty much every important emotional event in my life since i was fifteen. and everyone who's ever been fifteen knows that it's a pretty turbulent, emotional stage. looking back, i realise that the stuff i was going through really wasn't that bad, but we all know that at the time it feels as though every decision is life or death. i wouldn't be fifteen again for anything. however, every once in a while, it does help to read what i wrote way back then. it often brings up feelings and memories that i had locked away, things that now feel like a lifetime ago. sometimes these feel just as raw and as current as they did then. i've found, though, that the connections that can be made between events and emotions and thoughts in the past and life now. this retrospection has made me realise the true value of time as a healer, and also helped me to deal with some things that at the time i found unbearable. i'm realising that everything does happen for a reason, whether or not it can immediately be seen. things that happened when i was fifteen or sixteen that broke my heart now make sense. i'm glad of them, even. things that i couldn't even bear to think about now make me smile. i've made some valuable friends on this thing. and i've lost some. this transition period between high school and university has not been easy. i haven't written alot over the last few months for a few reasons. it's true that i do not often have an abundance of free time, with university, work, and a slight social life, however i can't use this as my only excuse. i must admit that i had forgotten how useful and ultimately important reflection can be as a process of learning and developing emotionally. i'm often an emotional wreck in person, and i have an inkling that this might in part be due to a lack of personal reflection, combined with a lack of personal writing. i'm taking a media writing class and an academic essay writing class - i can write a perfect hard news story with the inverted pyramid style, or a radio promotion script, or a professionally referenced aristolian argument... but i've forgotten how to write for me. it sounds so touchy-feely. and maybe it is incredibly narcissistic. after all, i'm not debating controvserial international politics or workplace reforms or even the environment. i'm writing about my life and my feelings and my thoughts. maybe as a professional, academic process, this is not worthwhile or fulfilling. but as a personal process, it's one of the most important there is.
i might not have a really edgy layout, or know all the ins and outs of html and formatting, or even have a nice little community of friends who tell me how attractive i am every time i post a picture of myself looking moody; i might be one of the most narcissistic people you'll find on here, but does it matter? i never, and will never, write here for any other purpose than to put my thoughts into words, to let writing play a part in my own inner processes of dealing with events in my life, to pay testament to the great things and to mourn those not so great. i'm not serving a greater purpose. some blogs do, and some bloggers believe that's the only point of keeping one. but for me, if i can come back to things i write now in three years and learn something about myself, however small, then my live journal has been useful, and my blogging has served its original, and only purpose.
in other news, i'm going to europe. aleksei and i bought plane tickets on saturday. we're leaving sydney on december 2 for st petersburg via tokyo and amsterdam, and spending the next two months travelling around to wherever we want, whenever we want. we're planning on spending christmas with merryl in besancon, and then new years eve in paris, but other than that, have all of europe at our disposal. if anyone has any suggestions on cities/sights to visit, i'd be very interested to hear.
university has almost finished for the semester, i just have a few lectures and tutes left and then exams. then four blissful weeks of holidays, although i will be trying to get as much work as possible in order to save for the trip. i think that semester has gone incredibly quickly, i'm nearly 1/8 through my degree, and i've learnt more about my subjects and life and myself than i have in a long, long time. people always say that uni is the best time of your life, and while the pressure of exams and assessments and everything else is sometimes a bit much, it's not looking too bad so far.
i don't really have anything introspective or poetic to end this with. so i won't. but it feels good to have used my journal again. i can't really say whether or not it'll become a habit - as a child and teenager i always tried to keep diaries and they never stuck. but once in a while, when life slows down a little, i might try and take a look back, and update. i hope everyone around here is happy, and if you're not, i honestly hope that sometime soon, that changes.