(no subject)
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by even the little things?? Never mind your place in the grand scheme of things? It's hard to deal with the little things when you're faced with the knowledge it's all for nothing. Nothing but what you make it. And how can you make it?? How can you keep climbing the mountain when there is no summit to aim for, no wonderful view from the top, keep running the race when there is no winner, keep fighting the fight when there is no victor? Some people get the pleasant easy slope, they stroll along making friends on the way, enjoying the time they spend on the journey. Others get the cliff with the crumbling rocks, losing their grip with every move. Sometimes just clinging, motionless, for fear that the next inch will send them plunging into the abyss. Hold on, hold on, hold on. But why?
And why does every task feel like this? Why do simple things take so much? Why is it so hard just to exist never mind live?
You must imagine goals, for they do not exist until they occur. You must strive to reach an imaginary point in time ... and time itself is but an illusion.
My goal is only to learn how to get through a day without fear of falling. Not be desperately clinging to a crumbling cliffside, scrambling for a hold on rocks that vanish as I grab on to them. To be happy, content, to stop questioning my being with every thought and movement.
Please someone catch me when I fall. Carry me up your gentle slopes. Take me into your dreams.
No! No-one will be there when lose my grip. They have their own mountains to climb.
You are alone.
You are born alone, you die alone, you climb alone.
And you keep climbing endlessly until you fall.
There is no summit. Only the climb.
Let me find a plateau where I can rest a while.
I'm tired. But still I hold, keep holding.
Clinging desperately, for a reason I don't know.
Only that I must help my young one climb. For a reason I don't know.
At least until she can climb alone.
Don't go getting worried! My mind just works this way sometimes. I mean, yeah, life is pretty shit at the moment ... but hey, I don't really care any more that it gets shit. Some bits are good and I guess they're worth hanging on for. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed and seeing as I have no-one to talk about things to, I have to write them down to get them out. I always have done. It's just that now I do it in journals that OTHER PEOPLE read. Not because I want feedback or response or validation.
It just seems like there is very little point in thinking thoughts that no-one ever hears, just like there is little point in singing songs that no-one hears or painting pictures that no-one sees.
I don't suppose there is a great deal of point in sharing them either .... but here they are. Take them or leave them. Just don't judge me on them.
And why does every task feel like this? Why do simple things take so much? Why is it so hard just to exist never mind live?
You must imagine goals, for they do not exist until they occur. You must strive to reach an imaginary point in time ... and time itself is but an illusion.
My goal is only to learn how to get through a day without fear of falling. Not be desperately clinging to a crumbling cliffside, scrambling for a hold on rocks that vanish as I grab on to them. To be happy, content, to stop questioning my being with every thought and movement.
Please someone catch me when I fall. Carry me up your gentle slopes. Take me into your dreams.
No! No-one will be there when lose my grip. They have their own mountains to climb.
You are alone.
You are born alone, you die alone, you climb alone.
And you keep climbing endlessly until you fall.
There is no summit. Only the climb.
Let me find a plateau where I can rest a while.
I'm tired. But still I hold, keep holding.
Clinging desperately, for a reason I don't know.
Only that I must help my young one climb. For a reason I don't know.
At least until she can climb alone.
Don't go getting worried! My mind just works this way sometimes. I mean, yeah, life is pretty shit at the moment ... but hey, I don't really care any more that it gets shit. Some bits are good and I guess they're worth hanging on for. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed and seeing as I have no-one to talk about things to, I have to write them down to get them out. I always have done. It's just that now I do it in journals that OTHER PEOPLE read. Not because I want feedback or response or validation.
It just seems like there is very little point in thinking thoughts that no-one ever hears, just like there is little point in singing songs that no-one hears or painting pictures that no-one sees.
I don't suppose there is a great deal of point in sharing them either .... but here they are. Take them or leave them. Just don't judge me on them.