more shit
I'm getting to a really weird point in my life. Everything I've known for the past few years has changed. I don't know where I am or where I'm going, but I feel confident in the fact that I am still able to control my life. Most of my friends are fucking assholes who couldn't care less if I'm dead or totally angry at them. It's always the same story... I'm used to shit like that, but it's gotten old. I've made up my mind and a few issues, which is good.. in it's own way. Either way, I have a practice space now, but everything I've tried to do musically with that practice space has turned out shitty, due to my fellow musician/friends who are looking at my music differently than I am. Which is, obviously, hard because the people I play music with have been my closest friends. And I'm starting to question their place within my music, but I'm at a stand still. Whenever I can actually get a few things down and ready to go, I think I'll be alright, but until then everything is a huge hard ball of confusion. It's all up to me, it's always been all up to me. It's a matter of what I have to sacrifice in order to make these things happen for me. And I also believe I'm going insane. I used to think my thoughts were valid, but the more and more I think about it... I realize that there is something very wrong. But that in itself is a driving force... I think I'll be able to drop this whole "fucked up" place and come out clean on the other side, but it's still hard.