This is a very interesting post and I actually wondered when you were going to do one like this. I am sorry that you had to go through that and I have been through it myself. There are also other reasons besides the ones you stated that people gossip or back stab. One is that they are hurting themselves or they have something about themselves that they are not happy with and so they gossip, back stab, and/or poke fun at others to make themselves feel better or to hide their own flaws. Some also gossip or back stab to make themselves feel powerful or to gain attention from others. Some do it to feel important. I have had instances in another RP that I was in way before KKM or Yugioh that I was back stabbed and stepped on. Mind you I was not really good at RP but I did not deserve the treatment I got. I am past that now and I learned from the situation.
I do not let people stabbing me in the back get to me. I do not even let the fact that people tell everyone else they are upset with me and not me anymore. If they do not feel it is important to tell me then I can't do anything about it. I am not a mind reader and neither is anyone else. People are not always going to know that someone is mad at them or what they did. It is best to tell the person how you feel rather then let it fester until it ruins the friendship or any other relationship. That is my two cent rant. I hope you have a Merry Christmas. I won't be home tonight as I am staying at my mom's so I will not be on late tonight.
I was very impressed with this comment, Smith. I am big on communication - the ethics, philosophy, and debate over its necessity. You illustrated the very point I usually fall back on: people are not mind readers. How can we expect other people to truly comprehend our intentions, thoughts, et cetera without communicating them to the best of our abilities? Are we not at fault if we believe that "Well, I shouldn't have to explain." These words are often said with contempt and typically, out of frustration.
People get easily frustrated when another person fails to understand what is being communicated. This brings up the question, "Who is really at fault?" Is it the person who has tried and tried again to explain him or herself? Is it possible that the listener doesn't have the intelligence to comprehend, or has the speaker not tried enough? At what point do we draw the line? At what point is the fault now that of the listener and not that of the speaker and vice versa?
Or... is the limitations of language to blame, rendering both the speaker and the listener blameless? If that is so... then what is the point?
What is the point? And thus... we come full circle in the argument.
It can go either way and sometimes both are to blame a little. As they say, it takes two to tango. Both the speaker and the listener need to give an effort for communication to be possible.
I have to say I agree with MOG. I believe it depends on the situation. Sometimes it is the speaker because they do not explain well enough or they do not try hard enough. It can be the listener who is at fault also if they do not listen well or at all or try to put forth some effort in trying to understand or at least ask questions about what they do not understand. I guess it can be hard to think of words to say how we feel. We are only as limited as our vocabulary.
Sometimes we have to let go of those who have hurt us and go on. We can take away the lesson the encounter gave us but if we hold onto that person we are only harming ourselves. We need to keep those that are honest and love us. Who know when they should say something even if it may hurt us but knowing that it will also help us. That is what true friendship is. Someone who can be frank and candid and let us know when we are doing good and when we mess up as well as be there for us as we are for them. Sorry if I am rambling on. I guess I am feeling sentimental.
You brought up an interesting set of thoughts when you said: "At what point do we draw the line? At what point is the fault now that of the listener and not that of the speaker and vice versa?"
While it is in our nature to explain ourselves, the communication gap often coincides with the maturity level of the speaker and the listener. If the listener cannot grasp the concepts that are spoken, often times both parties wind up in blame for the lack of understanding the other's point of view.
Regional thoughts that go along with the linguistics of their surroundings can generate confusion and thus create a gap in understanding if the proper use of the language is ignored. Semantics used could generate confusion as well in an online discussion setting. It took me several passes to read the entry to understand that objective reasoning was not going to happen in the discussion forum that I was participating in. Everything about it was called in slang, "wank".
It was this form of literary ripping that generated the tone that everyone that had participated in it, including myself, were out to "get" one another. The arguments were not sound, they were shallow, thin and very harsh. The words used were similar to razor blades that made tiny cuts to anyone that responded and it was laughable at best when I did engage in a verbal spar.
Going with the thoughts of is the speaker or the listener blameless in this matter, it highly depends if either side is willing to relent. There really was no point in the entry other than to rip apart the one in question who was the topic of discussion. Most of the ones participating were sycophants.
Very well put and a very mature statement. While it is true that people cannot read minds yet the expectation is there that another should be able to. The internet is full of possibilities yet it is a sad fact that others on the internet have such high expectations of the one that had posted that causes the strife.
You brought up a very good point and I am pleased to read the comment. Thank you.
You are quite welcome. I do believe we set high expectations of others, especially ones that we really like or have strong feelings for. That is really not a good thing as no one is perfect and the one who we "put on a pedestal" so to speak has a far way to fall and we always get dissapointed. We all need to realize that no one is without faults and we all do stupid things.
It can get frustrating when you are not understood or you do not understand. It takes patience, understanding and knowing something about the speaker/listener for good communication to happen.
I do not let people stabbing me in the back get to me. I do not even let the fact that people tell everyone else they are upset with me and not me anymore. If they do not feel it is important to tell me then I can't do anything about it. I am not a mind reader and neither is anyone else. People are not always going to know that someone is mad at them or what they did. It is best to tell the person how you feel rather then let it fester until it ruins the friendship or any other relationship. That is my two cent rant. I hope you have a Merry Christmas. I won't be home tonight as I am staying at my mom's so I will not be on late tonight.
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People get easily frustrated when another person fails to understand what is being communicated. This brings up the question, "Who is really at fault?" Is it the person who has tried and tried again to explain him or herself? Is it possible that the listener doesn't have the intelligence to comprehend, or has the speaker not tried enough? At what point do we draw the line? At what point is the fault now that of the listener and not that of the speaker and vice versa?
Or... is the limitations of language to blame, rendering both the speaker and the listener blameless? If that is so... then what is the point?
What is the point? And thus... we come full circle in the argument.
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Sometimes we have to let go of those who have hurt us and go on. We can take away the lesson the encounter gave us but if we hold onto that person we are only harming ourselves. We need to keep those that are honest and love us. Who know when they should say something even if it may hurt us but knowing that it will also help us. That is what true friendship is. Someone who can be frank and candid and let us know when we are doing good and when we mess up as well as be there for us as we are for them. Sorry if I am rambling on. I guess I am feeling sentimental.
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While it is in our nature to explain ourselves, the communication gap often coincides with the maturity level of the speaker and the listener. If the listener cannot grasp the concepts that are spoken, often times both parties wind up in blame for the lack of understanding the other's point of view.
Regional thoughts that go along with the linguistics of their surroundings can generate confusion and thus create a gap in understanding if the proper use of the language is ignored. Semantics used could generate confusion as well in an online discussion setting. It took me several passes to read the entry to understand that objective reasoning was not going to happen in the discussion forum that I was participating in. Everything about it was called in slang, "wank".
It was this form of literary ripping that generated the tone that everyone that had participated in it, including myself, were out to "get" one another. The arguments were not sound, they were shallow, thin and very harsh. The words used were similar to razor blades that made tiny cuts to anyone that responded and it was laughable at best when I did engage in a verbal spar.
Going with the thoughts of is the speaker or the listener blameless in this matter, it highly depends if either side is willing to relent. There really was no point in the entry other than to rip apart the one in question who was the topic of discussion. Most of the ones participating were sycophants.
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You brought up a very good point and I am pleased to read the comment. Thank you.
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It can get frustrating when you are not understood or you do not understand. It takes patience, understanding and knowing something about the speaker/listener for good communication to happen.
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