Invisible Bicyclist
I'm not sure if it's because of poverty (probably not) or because of some sort of very bratty environmentalism/ holier than thouness (possibly) or just a desperate desire to 'stand out' and be unique and such (most likely) but! There's been an increase in Seoul bicyclers that is making me hate them.
They are not practicing road safety, and will in all likelihood get bumped off their bike, hit their unhelmeted noggins on a sharp corner, and die, and ruin the life of some poor driver all because they act totally stupid.
Case in point:
Yesterday, 10 p.m., pitch dark night, through Banpo-ro, a major eight lane thorougfare in our enormous sprawling city of 20 million people, I gasped when i belatedly finally saw a man wearing a black shirt and black pants on a black bicycle, pedaling along on the actual road, next to the sidewalk. He did not have any of the following:
1. Lights on his handlebars
2. Reflective lights on the back of his bicycle
3. Reflective patches on his wheels
4. A helmet
5. Reflective clothing of any kind (I think even his fucking shoes were black)
6. Light colored clothes that could have reflected light better than wearing black at night on a city highway
So basically, he was trying to commit suicide via bicycle accident, except not, because he was riding his invisible bicycle wearing his invisibility cloak with an attitude. Like, Hey, look at me, in my uniqueness, using my bicycle to commute!
Oh and by the way? 99% of the cars in Seoul have deeply tinted windows on all sides. i.e. Including the driver's side window. At night, visibility through these is not so great, particularly if you help things along by making yourself invisible.
I safely manoeuvered past him and because the car behind me honked to ask why the eff was I going so slow, i turned on my highlight beam on the invisible bicyclist riding along with the cars on a major commute road (it connects to two highways and major bridge crossing) for two seconds and the driver behind me stopped tailgating me immediately.
I began to devoutly wish I was a witch. My curse would be - the man trips and falls and hits his head going down some stairs and dies in a coma but that was just my roadrage talking.
If I was an actual witch, i would give Mr Invisible Bicycle the following three nightmares, on repeat, every night, until he sells his bike:
1. He wakes up from a coma at the hospital. His mother has aged 15 years since he last saw her. He wakes up, she bursts into tears, and says, "You asinine moron, why were you riding a bicycle on Banporo? You almost died, you retard! You got hit by a car!" He gathers himself, and he says, "But Mother, did you get the driver who hit me?" His mother says, "Yes, he called the ambulance for you. The prosecutors decided that since you had taken zero safety precautions and shouldn't have been bicycling there anyway, it was all your fault. We had to pay the driver damages! This happened while you were in a coma. Now your father is bankrupt to pay off the hospital bills and the lawyer costs. You're unemployed now! Oh and by the way, you can't walk either."
2. On his way out of work that day a coworker offers to drive him home.
On their way home, they go through Banporo.
His coworker points to something and says, "I really hate bicyclists who do that. He's so retarded. What is with these morons who risk their lives and other people's lives by doing this stupid bicyling thing on a main city thru-way with no bike path? What a motherfucker."
And with a start, Mr Invisible sees that the man has no helmet, is wearing black, on a bicycle with no reflective lights. He realizes that though the driver saw him because Seoul drivers have to be on alert for retarded motherfuckers like that bicyclist, he as the passenger hadn't even registered the dark shadow moseying slowly along and obstructing traffic.
3. He's driving at night in Seoul, and too late, he sees only as he hits with his car a bicyclist, with no helmet, black clothes, no reflective gear on his body or his bike, and in slow motion sees the barely visible man fly off the bike, over his invisible handles, and crack his head open on the pavement, under street lamp, and passerby start to scream when they see the dark blood pool around his head.
It might make him never get on a bike except the stationary ones at the gym, tnat that too, would be good.
Alas, alack. I am not an actual witch. SIGH.
They are not practicing road safety, and will in all likelihood get bumped off their bike, hit their unhelmeted noggins on a sharp corner, and die, and ruin the life of some poor driver all because they act totally stupid.
Case in point:
Yesterday, 10 p.m., pitch dark night, through Banpo-ro, a major eight lane thorougfare in our enormous sprawling city of 20 million people, I gasped when i belatedly finally saw a man wearing a black shirt and black pants on a black bicycle, pedaling along on the actual road, next to the sidewalk. He did not have any of the following:
1. Lights on his handlebars
2. Reflective lights on the back of his bicycle
3. Reflective patches on his wheels
4. A helmet
5. Reflective clothing of any kind (I think even his fucking shoes were black)
6. Light colored clothes that could have reflected light better than wearing black at night on a city highway
So basically, he was trying to commit suicide via bicycle accident, except not, because he was riding his invisible bicycle wearing his invisibility cloak with an attitude. Like, Hey, look at me, in my uniqueness, using my bicycle to commute!
Oh and by the way? 99% of the cars in Seoul have deeply tinted windows on all sides. i.e. Including the driver's side window. At night, visibility through these is not so great, particularly if you help things along by making yourself invisible.
I safely manoeuvered past him and because the car behind me honked to ask why the eff was I going so slow, i turned on my highlight beam on the invisible bicyclist riding along with the cars on a major commute road (it connects to two highways and major bridge crossing) for two seconds and the driver behind me stopped tailgating me immediately.
I began to devoutly wish I was a witch. My curse would be - the man trips and falls and hits his head going down some stairs and dies in a coma but that was just my roadrage talking.
If I was an actual witch, i would give Mr Invisible Bicycle the following three nightmares, on repeat, every night, until he sells his bike:
1. He wakes up from a coma at the hospital. His mother has aged 15 years since he last saw her. He wakes up, she bursts into tears, and says, "You asinine moron, why were you riding a bicycle on Banporo? You almost died, you retard! You got hit by a car!" He gathers himself, and he says, "But Mother, did you get the driver who hit me?" His mother says, "Yes, he called the ambulance for you. The prosecutors decided that since you had taken zero safety precautions and shouldn't have been bicycling there anyway, it was all your fault. We had to pay the driver damages! This happened while you were in a coma. Now your father is bankrupt to pay off the hospital bills and the lawyer costs. You're unemployed now! Oh and by the way, you can't walk either."
2. On his way out of work that day a coworker offers to drive him home.
On their way home, they go through Banporo.
His coworker points to something and says, "I really hate bicyclists who do that. He's so retarded. What is with these morons who risk their lives and other people's lives by doing this stupid bicyling thing on a main city thru-way with no bike path? What a motherfucker."
And with a start, Mr Invisible sees that the man has no helmet, is wearing black, on a bicycle with no reflective lights. He realizes that though the driver saw him because Seoul drivers have to be on alert for retarded motherfuckers like that bicyclist, he as the passenger hadn't even registered the dark shadow moseying slowly along and obstructing traffic.
3. He's driving at night in Seoul, and too late, he sees only as he hits with his car a bicyclist, with no helmet, black clothes, no reflective gear on his body or his bike, and in slow motion sees the barely visible man fly off the bike, over his invisible handles, and crack his head open on the pavement, under street lamp, and passerby start to scream when they see the dark blood pool around his head.
It might make him never get on a bike except the stationary ones at the gym, tnat that too, would be good.
Alas, alack. I am not an actual witch. SIGH.