Goodbye 1/1 Reita x Ruki angst
Title: Goodbye
Chapter: 1/1
genre: angst
pairing: reituki
warnings: character's death (implied)
summary: Reita returned and stumbled on ruki. This is from Ruki's 1stPOV
“What is it that you want, Takanori?” Akira’s voice dripping with annoyance, his questioning fawn eyes glaring towards my directions, demanding for answers to why I am here at the top of the old building that I had frequently came to cool my head off or when I’m just plain bored.
“Why do you always think I want something when I am near around you? You need to fucking chill. Ever since you got back to this shitty town; you’re always jumping on your ass whenever I happened to be around. It’s not like I’m going to jump and rape you,” I snarled, took my spot a few metres away from him, putting all my weight onto my hips that was resting against the rusted railing that might just give away any moment. Still, I don’t give much of a damn if it might. Instead I wished it would soon and take me along with it. “Besides, this had been my spot ever since high school,”
“You never said anything about this place,” his voice still in an accusing tone but annoyance has long gone from it.
Suspicious as always…
“Well, let’s just say it’s after you left. I need a quiet place and this spot seems to be the best,” I took out a pack of cigarettes and my cheap lighter from my jeans pocket.
“You’re smoking,” I saw him looking with those disapproving eyes.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” I placed one of the white sticks between my lips and began to light it.
“You hate smoking,”
“People change,” I answered him as I blew out puffs of smoke, watching it fades away into thin air. “Besides, I need it. It calms my nerves,” I offered my ciggs but he shook his head, refusing the offer.
We didn’t exchange any more words after that as I enjoyed my smoke and the beautiful scenery on the roof top; the colourful glimmering latern lights of the town down below and the glittering night sky above. The momentary silence was finally broken when he spoke up right after I crushed my finished cigarette.
“How have you been?”
“Surviving,” I answered shortly. “You?”
“Surviving as well,” he replied and smirked. “Life is getting hard,”
“It is… I heard you’ve just graduated college?”
“Yeah… But it’s nothing,”
I let out a loud snort and laughed at him and I’m pretty much sure I could see the hurt and offended expression he puts up. “Seriously, you said it’s nothing? People around your age are dying to get a scroll of degree and fuck, I’d kill to get that piece of shit to get a desk job,” I took out another stick from my pocket and from the corner of my eyes, I could see him frowning a little before composing himself once again.
“You didn't go to college?,”
“Can't. Too poor,” came my short reply as I lighted my second cigarette.
“Haha, very funny,” he shot me with a sarcastic tone. “I don’t remember you not wearing designers clothes back then. Not to mention changing your hair colour almost every week,”
“Yeah, but it has been a while since I am able to get proper food for my meals,” I let out a soft sigh, taking another drag of my cigarette and playfully blew out the smoke in ‘O’ shaped clouds. “No, really. I am poor. Treat me for dinner before you leave town, will you?” I turned around facing him and smirked.
I let out a soft chuckle as his confused and clueless expression was clearly vivid in his eyes as he tried to read mine. A habit he used to has, a sign of hoping that he would be able to get an explanation or answers from things he just don’t understand.
“Are you serious?” He shifted slightly. I could sense hesitation in his movement, insecurity. Probably scared that I might jump out any second and scream happily “It’s A Joke!!” which I usually did back then.
Back when we still had each other.
Back when things aren’t so difficult.
Back when I still do believe that life has a second chance.
“If I said I will jump off this building tonight, would you believe me?” I asked him.
“What are you trying to get to?” he raised his voice a little. Probably either scared by the thought or slightly getting annoyed with the mind games I had been putting him through for a while. “Will you stop fooling around for once and give less of a trouble? I had enough dealing with your childishness and hiding things away,”
I took a final drag of my cancer stick before tossing the butt over the railing and watch it fell down to the ground and disappear when it hits the floor before turning back towards him with a smile I had learn to put up.
“Childish? Hiding things away?” I raised a questioning brow towards him while suppressing the anger that had started boiling within me as my feet shuffled its way towards him. “Really?.. So, it was me who was the one being childish? The one who had been running away from the truth?”
“What-,”
“Who is the one who decided to leave town when we were found out by the school?,” I stood inches away before him, my eyes locked with his. “Who is the one leaving without even trying to explain what went wrong?” I spoke again and I could feel my voice slightly shaking as I recalled the painful memories which I had long lock it at the back of my mind.
“You don’t know…. How much pain I went through alone. How hard I fell when you left. How lost I were when I tried my best to recall all of the possible wrong things I might had upset you. How devastated I was when I have no one to hold on to when things turned worse,”
“Worse?”
“My parents divorced a few months after that and Father left town; leaving Mom who was currently pregnant and I here without a single thing except the house. I had to drop out of high school to work to pay the bills and saving up for the baby. I was fine with how things are despite how many jobs I had to work to make ends meet but Mom......Mom couldn’t. I found her hanged at the baby room when I came back from work one evening. She said she couldn’t handle the shame she had to go through.... The shame I had brought upon her,” I lowered my gaze as I clenched my fist. Hard enough to see the nail marks on my skin. “No one was there to help me with Mom’s burial except for one of my manager,”
“He was the only one who had helped me through when no one was there,” I licked my dry lips and took in a shaky breath as I held my upper right arm; clenching it a bit albeit too tightly before continuing. “But I was wrong about him. I…,”
I hesitated as my voice cracked. The same sound I could hear within my chest as the pain from the recalled memory reopened the old wounds that still barely heal. The trust I had put upon of that manager, the hope that I thought he could be my saviour… all crushed in an instant.
“He raped me,”
“Takanori, I… I have no idea-,”
“Of course you don’t. You weren’t there. You left me hanging without a reason, without a goodbye,” I finally snapped. My voice slightly raised an octave higher. “And you even dare to say I was being childish? Running away from the truth?” My breath ragged as I speak but I won’t allow my tears to spill. I had been able to keep them within for years, why should I shed any of them now? I had been enduring the pain independently without needing a shoulder to lean on.
But why now of all the time?
“Ruki,” he called out the name he had given me as he cupped my cheeks, wiping away those suppressed tears with his thumbs. “Ruki, I’m so sorry,” was all it needed for the walls I had built to collapse. I broke down terribly in his arms as my tears soaked his grey t-shirt as he held me tight. The familiar embrace I had missed. The one where I could feel safe and protected from everything that might come. The one where I could feel let my guards down and show everything that I am inside. The one that I knew I won’t be able to have in the end.
**
“I’m heading back home. Are you sure you’ll be alright? You can come with me,” He asked with a caring tone in his voice.
“I’ll be fine. You should head back home. Your fiancée might be worried,” I answered.
“How’d you-,”
“Ring finger, idiot,” I lifted up my own ring finger; which was without a ring, smiled and slapped lightly on his arms. “Just go. I’ll be okay,”
He stood at the door to the staircase with a hesitating feeling. His eyes gazing into mine, searching deep into my mind for assurance that I will be okay. After finally being convinced for the hundredth time, he finally left the building and out of sight within minutes. I let out a heavy sigh and once again leaned against the railing as I took out the last stick from the box and lit it up; taking a generous drag out of my cancer stick before I heard a loud creak from the railing.
“Would you be disappointed if you won’t be able to see me tomorrow?”
Chapter: 1/1
genre: angst
pairing: reituki
warnings: character's death (implied)
summary: Reita returned and stumbled on ruki. This is from Ruki's 1stPOV
“What is it that you want, Takanori?” Akira’s voice dripping with annoyance, his questioning fawn eyes glaring towards my directions, demanding for answers to why I am here at the top of the old building that I had frequently came to cool my head off or when I’m just plain bored.
“Why do you always think I want something when I am near around you? You need to fucking chill. Ever since you got back to this shitty town; you’re always jumping on your ass whenever I happened to be around. It’s not like I’m going to jump and rape you,” I snarled, took my spot a few metres away from him, putting all my weight onto my hips that was resting against the rusted railing that might just give away any moment. Still, I don’t give much of a damn if it might. Instead I wished it would soon and take me along with it. “Besides, this had been my spot ever since high school,”
“You never said anything about this place,” his voice still in an accusing tone but annoyance has long gone from it.
Suspicious as always…
“Well, let’s just say it’s after you left. I need a quiet place and this spot seems to be the best,” I took out a pack of cigarettes and my cheap lighter from my jeans pocket.
“You’re smoking,” I saw him looking with those disapproving eyes.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” I placed one of the white sticks between my lips and began to light it.
“You hate smoking,”
“People change,” I answered him as I blew out puffs of smoke, watching it fades away into thin air. “Besides, I need it. It calms my nerves,” I offered my ciggs but he shook his head, refusing the offer.
We didn’t exchange any more words after that as I enjoyed my smoke and the beautiful scenery on the roof top; the colourful glimmering latern lights of the town down below and the glittering night sky above. The momentary silence was finally broken when he spoke up right after I crushed my finished cigarette.
“How have you been?”
“Surviving,” I answered shortly. “You?”
“Surviving as well,” he replied and smirked. “Life is getting hard,”
“It is… I heard you’ve just graduated college?”
“Yeah… But it’s nothing,”
I let out a loud snort and laughed at him and I’m pretty much sure I could see the hurt and offended expression he puts up. “Seriously, you said it’s nothing? People around your age are dying to get a scroll of degree and fuck, I’d kill to get that piece of shit to get a desk job,” I took out another stick from my pocket and from the corner of my eyes, I could see him frowning a little before composing himself once again.
“You didn't go to college?,”
“Can't. Too poor,” came my short reply as I lighted my second cigarette.
“Haha, very funny,” he shot me with a sarcastic tone. “I don’t remember you not wearing designers clothes back then. Not to mention changing your hair colour almost every week,”
“Yeah, but it has been a while since I am able to get proper food for my meals,” I let out a soft sigh, taking another drag of my cigarette and playfully blew out the smoke in ‘O’ shaped clouds. “No, really. I am poor. Treat me for dinner before you leave town, will you?” I turned around facing him and smirked.
I let out a soft chuckle as his confused and clueless expression was clearly vivid in his eyes as he tried to read mine. A habit he used to has, a sign of hoping that he would be able to get an explanation or answers from things he just don’t understand.
“Are you serious?” He shifted slightly. I could sense hesitation in his movement, insecurity. Probably scared that I might jump out any second and scream happily “It’s A Joke!!” which I usually did back then.
Back when we still had each other.
Back when things aren’t so difficult.
Back when I still do believe that life has a second chance.
“If I said I will jump off this building tonight, would you believe me?” I asked him.
“What are you trying to get to?” he raised his voice a little. Probably either scared by the thought or slightly getting annoyed with the mind games I had been putting him through for a while. “Will you stop fooling around for once and give less of a trouble? I had enough dealing with your childishness and hiding things away,”
I took a final drag of my cancer stick before tossing the butt over the railing and watch it fell down to the ground and disappear when it hits the floor before turning back towards him with a smile I had learn to put up.
“Childish? Hiding things away?” I raised a questioning brow towards him while suppressing the anger that had started boiling within me as my feet shuffled its way towards him. “Really?.. So, it was me who was the one being childish? The one who had been running away from the truth?”
“What-,”
“Who is the one who decided to leave town when we were found out by the school?,” I stood inches away before him, my eyes locked with his. “Who is the one leaving without even trying to explain what went wrong?” I spoke again and I could feel my voice slightly shaking as I recalled the painful memories which I had long lock it at the back of my mind.
“You don’t know…. How much pain I went through alone. How hard I fell when you left. How lost I were when I tried my best to recall all of the possible wrong things I might had upset you. How devastated I was when I have no one to hold on to when things turned worse,”
“Worse?”
“My parents divorced a few months after that and Father left town; leaving Mom who was currently pregnant and I here without a single thing except the house. I had to drop out of high school to work to pay the bills and saving up for the baby. I was fine with how things are despite how many jobs I had to work to make ends meet but Mom......Mom couldn’t. I found her hanged at the baby room when I came back from work one evening. She said she couldn’t handle the shame she had to go through.... The shame I had brought upon her,” I lowered my gaze as I clenched my fist. Hard enough to see the nail marks on my skin. “No one was there to help me with Mom’s burial except for one of my manager,”
“He was the only one who had helped me through when no one was there,” I licked my dry lips and took in a shaky breath as I held my upper right arm; clenching it a bit albeit too tightly before continuing. “But I was wrong about him. I…,”
I hesitated as my voice cracked. The same sound I could hear within my chest as the pain from the recalled memory reopened the old wounds that still barely heal. The trust I had put upon of that manager, the hope that I thought he could be my saviour… all crushed in an instant.
“He raped me,”
“Takanori, I… I have no idea-,”
“Of course you don’t. You weren’t there. You left me hanging without a reason, without a goodbye,” I finally snapped. My voice slightly raised an octave higher. “And you even dare to say I was being childish? Running away from the truth?” My breath ragged as I speak but I won’t allow my tears to spill. I had been able to keep them within for years, why should I shed any of them now? I had been enduring the pain independently without needing a shoulder to lean on.
But why now of all the time?
“Ruki,” he called out the name he had given me as he cupped my cheeks, wiping away those suppressed tears with his thumbs. “Ruki, I’m so sorry,” was all it needed for the walls I had built to collapse. I broke down terribly in his arms as my tears soaked his grey t-shirt as he held me tight. The familiar embrace I had missed. The one where I could feel safe and protected from everything that might come. The one where I could feel let my guards down and show everything that I am inside. The one that I knew I won’t be able to have in the end.
**
“I’m heading back home. Are you sure you’ll be alright? You can come with me,” He asked with a caring tone in his voice.
“I’ll be fine. You should head back home. Your fiancée might be worried,” I answered.
“How’d you-,”
“Ring finger, idiot,” I lifted up my own ring finger; which was without a ring, smiled and slapped lightly on his arms. “Just go. I’ll be okay,”
He stood at the door to the staircase with a hesitating feeling. His eyes gazing into mine, searching deep into my mind for assurance that I will be okay. After finally being convinced for the hundredth time, he finally left the building and out of sight within minutes. I let out a heavy sigh and once again leaned against the railing as I took out the last stick from the box and lit it up; taking a generous drag out of my cancer stick before I heard a loud creak from the railing.
“Would you be disappointed if you won’t be able to see me tomorrow?”