(no subject)
sometimes its quite difficult to know just what to do with myself. i dont know. im not sad. im good. infact i think im quite happy, but for some reason theres still something missing or something that doesnt feel quite right just yet. for one this whole thing with my mom is just getting stupid and a waste of time. she abandon me not the other way around. i shouldnt have to feel bad because she cant get over herself and realize she has a family and shes not a teenager anymore. she cant keep doing this or else she will lose me ontop of my brother and my dad.
christmas was really hard. i tried my best not to let it effect me but when your grandmother doesnt know why your brother and father arent there to visit on christmas eve and yells at you for it, its kinda annoying/upseting. i wasnt ready for any of that. nor did i know my mom was still lying to her about how she hasnt been living at home for like...7 or 8 months. jesus it doesnt even seem like its been that long. christmas day with brian and my dad at my grandparents house in tribes hill wasnt so bad. my family didnt seem to care or question why my mom wasnt there, i guess they figured that it wasnt worth asking the question. but i missed most of the day anyways due to being quite sick and sleeping through dinner and martinis and presents. i basiclly got there fell asleep and woke up and it was time to leave.
on the bright side i got reaccepted into delhi. im not excited to go back to delhi but at the same time i am cause ill be back with kady and hopefully living with her. i got a computer chair for xmas which is awsome cause i get to bring it to school!!! yay. i got lots of other stuff too, mostly gift certificates, a new journal, some cds,fleece pants which i wish i could live in, a desk calender from itunes i asked for and a pocket dj book along with a 101 things to do before you die book. im happy with my christmas i guess. it was weird though because i had to have like two seperate christmas's cause of my mom but whatever.and she was supposed to call me christmas day and tell me what was going on the following day cause i was supposed to go with her to see my aunt and uncle again and she never called. i love it. i feel like an idiot for believing her sometimes. but oh well, what can you do.
im getting back into writing again. heres a bit of a sample of something ive been working on. let me know what you think, that is if anyone reads this anymore! i dont seem to get many comments...ever. lol. but oh well here goes.
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Hazelnut? No…mocha? Whatever it was I could feel the remainder of it plastered to the inside of my entire mouth. Teeth, gums and all. It boggled my mind you see, because on this morning I couldn’t recall consuming my normal morning caramel latte, or anything that was even coffee flavored for that matter. The only explanation I could come up with was that I must have done a number on my favorite customized version of Irish coffee from the night before. I was running late, which wasn’t anything too out of the ordinary for me. I suppose it was, in a way, my trademark. It wasn’t that I was one of those ‘make yourself 20 minutes late to make an entrance’ kind of gals. Not me, no I’m more of the ‘go out drinking all night after swallowing double the prescribed amount of valium in hopes of not waking up the following morning’ kind of gal. But alas, it never seems to work as I hope, instead it just leaves me with a massive throbbing headache. You know the kind that feels like the size of a tumor imbedded deep inside your skull. Yes ladies and gentlemen, my head is the size of a bowling ball that just finished making its way down the alley dead on into my overstuffed feather pillows, and it was only about to get worse.
I extend my right arm from underneath the, until then, silent and motionless pink and lime green flannel sheets and felt around for the small plastic light switch on the wall next to my bed, trying to surpass my temporary blindness due to the refusal of my brain and my eyes to agree to work together so early in the morning…or is it afternoon? I feel the cool smooth plastic switch under the palm of my hand and convince my fingers to bend and flick the bastard in the opposite direction. I manage to open one eye about halfway but then immediately force it closed. I guess I forgot how much light strains the eyes after a night of pills and barhopping. I angrily grab my piece of shit alarm clock, that of which is on its way out to alarm clock heaven due to me throwing it against the wall opposite my bed one too many times. I mind as well just throw the poor thing out because I refuse to set the alarm anyways after convincing myself it wasn’t good for your hearing to have such loud piercing noises at such ungodly hours. I pull it under the blankets into my cozy, heated fortress and look at it. My eyes and my brain still must be fighting with each other and refusing to work because it looks as though the numbers on the digital screen were overrun by a new alien style of writing. I blink a few times in hopes my body will get confused and give up so that I can read the stupid numbers. It works, unsurprisingly since I refuse to be surprised or, well I refuse to be anything so soon after waking up, if you can even call it waking up. It’s 12:17, which at first means nothing. Until I realize why I was out so late last night, and until I hear my phone ring. I cringe knowing who is on the other end and I avoid picking up the receiver and just let the machine pick it up and do the talking for me.
“Amy its your mother. You better be awake and on your way down here to meet me, I’m not going to sit around and wait for you again, so remember to be on time. You’re meeting me at 1:15 on the corner of 72nd and Broadway. Don’t be late!”
Click.
======
the end!!!
<3moira
christmas was really hard. i tried my best not to let it effect me but when your grandmother doesnt know why your brother and father arent there to visit on christmas eve and yells at you for it, its kinda annoying/upseting. i wasnt ready for any of that. nor did i know my mom was still lying to her about how she hasnt been living at home for like...7 or 8 months. jesus it doesnt even seem like its been that long. christmas day with brian and my dad at my grandparents house in tribes hill wasnt so bad. my family didnt seem to care or question why my mom wasnt there, i guess they figured that it wasnt worth asking the question. but i missed most of the day anyways due to being quite sick and sleeping through dinner and martinis and presents. i basiclly got there fell asleep and woke up and it was time to leave.
on the bright side i got reaccepted into delhi. im not excited to go back to delhi but at the same time i am cause ill be back with kady and hopefully living with her. i got a computer chair for xmas which is awsome cause i get to bring it to school!!! yay. i got lots of other stuff too, mostly gift certificates, a new journal, some cds,fleece pants which i wish i could live in, a desk calender from itunes i asked for and a pocket dj book along with a 101 things to do before you die book. im happy with my christmas i guess. it was weird though because i had to have like two seperate christmas's cause of my mom but whatever.and she was supposed to call me christmas day and tell me what was going on the following day cause i was supposed to go with her to see my aunt and uncle again and she never called. i love it. i feel like an idiot for believing her sometimes. but oh well, what can you do.
im getting back into writing again. heres a bit of a sample of something ive been working on. let me know what you think, that is if anyone reads this anymore! i dont seem to get many comments...ever. lol. but oh well here goes.
---
Hazelnut? No…mocha? Whatever it was I could feel the remainder of it plastered to the inside of my entire mouth. Teeth, gums and all. It boggled my mind you see, because on this morning I couldn’t recall consuming my normal morning caramel latte, or anything that was even coffee flavored for that matter. The only explanation I could come up with was that I must have done a number on my favorite customized version of Irish coffee from the night before. I was running late, which wasn’t anything too out of the ordinary for me. I suppose it was, in a way, my trademark. It wasn’t that I was one of those ‘make yourself 20 minutes late to make an entrance’ kind of gals. Not me, no I’m more of the ‘go out drinking all night after swallowing double the prescribed amount of valium in hopes of not waking up the following morning’ kind of gal. But alas, it never seems to work as I hope, instead it just leaves me with a massive throbbing headache. You know the kind that feels like the size of a tumor imbedded deep inside your skull. Yes ladies and gentlemen, my head is the size of a bowling ball that just finished making its way down the alley dead on into my overstuffed feather pillows, and it was only about to get worse.
I extend my right arm from underneath the, until then, silent and motionless pink and lime green flannel sheets and felt around for the small plastic light switch on the wall next to my bed, trying to surpass my temporary blindness due to the refusal of my brain and my eyes to agree to work together so early in the morning…or is it afternoon? I feel the cool smooth plastic switch under the palm of my hand and convince my fingers to bend and flick the bastard in the opposite direction. I manage to open one eye about halfway but then immediately force it closed. I guess I forgot how much light strains the eyes after a night of pills and barhopping. I angrily grab my piece of shit alarm clock, that of which is on its way out to alarm clock heaven due to me throwing it against the wall opposite my bed one too many times. I mind as well just throw the poor thing out because I refuse to set the alarm anyways after convincing myself it wasn’t good for your hearing to have such loud piercing noises at such ungodly hours. I pull it under the blankets into my cozy, heated fortress and look at it. My eyes and my brain still must be fighting with each other and refusing to work because it looks as though the numbers on the digital screen were overrun by a new alien style of writing. I blink a few times in hopes my body will get confused and give up so that I can read the stupid numbers. It works, unsurprisingly since I refuse to be surprised or, well I refuse to be anything so soon after waking up, if you can even call it waking up. It’s 12:17, which at first means nothing. Until I realize why I was out so late last night, and until I hear my phone ring. I cringe knowing who is on the other end and I avoid picking up the receiver and just let the machine pick it up and do the talking for me.
“Amy its your mother. You better be awake and on your way down here to meet me, I’m not going to sit around and wait for you again, so remember to be on time. You’re meeting me at 1:15 on the corner of 72nd and Broadway. Don’t be late!”
Click.
======
the end!!!
<3moira