(no subject)
Oh dreams. Sometimes you make me feel like a horny teenager. And then sometimes you confuse me pretty good.
On cold rainy days like these, I sometimes get sad and happy at the same time. I love this weather a lot, even if it hurts my bones and skin. It's romantic- hot drinks and leaning closer to the people you love (over the "fuck don't touch me it's hot" mentality of summer). I get a lot of insight of myself on these days. I can analyze the sad things and calm things, but remain still-calm and happy if I had started that way. Although I suppose right now I don't have much to reflect.
Though, I find it a little frustrating that strangers around mum won't get me right. She shows them the me I hate and I can't correct them. Not if they're only going to show up in my life for fifteen minutes, at any rate. Maybe it shouldn't bother me but it does a lot. I know she said she wasn't going to. Maybe I thought she would change her mind sooner? Or maybe I didn't think she would call me her daughter when she told me she had stopped doing that.
But she didn't.
Tomorrow I will be going to Knott's Scary Farm with a New Friend who sees the me I know exists, who is there. And she will call me he and I will glow. And I will be with an Old Friend who may or may not, but will most likely avoid stating a gender altogether. And I will still smile because they are my very best mates and I know we will have a lot of fun.
On cold rainy days like these, I sometimes get sad and happy at the same time. I love this weather a lot, even if it hurts my bones and skin. It's romantic- hot drinks and leaning closer to the people you love (over the "fuck don't touch me it's hot" mentality of summer). I get a lot of insight of myself on these days. I can analyze the sad things and calm things, but remain still-calm and happy if I had started that way. Although I suppose right now I don't have much to reflect.
Though, I find it a little frustrating that strangers around mum won't get me right. She shows them the me I hate and I can't correct them. Not if they're only going to show up in my life for fifteen minutes, at any rate. Maybe it shouldn't bother me but it does a lot. I know she said she wasn't going to. Maybe I thought she would change her mind sooner? Or maybe I didn't think she would call me her daughter when she told me she had stopped doing that.
But she didn't.
Tomorrow I will be going to Knott's Scary Farm with a New Friend who sees the me I know exists, who is there. And she will call me he and I will glow. And I will be with an Old Friend who may or may not, but will most likely avoid stating a gender altogether. And I will still smile because they are my very best mates and I know we will have a lot of fun.