Quaker, Low Fat, Honey Bran- 1 muffin 140 calories
Yeah, so I am abnormally tired today, and I don't really have any reason to be. But whatever.
Now, I have a long rant.
I'm sorry. Jenn and I talked for a bit today, and now I just feel really guilty. See, she is in a whole crackload of pain, and this whole time I have just been self absorbed worrying about myself, when all I really should be doing is trying to help her get through the day. Really, when I think about it in a whole, I don't really have any problems that I can't cope with. I'm dealing with them all the best I can, I just have to deal with them and move on. I feel really bad now, because I'm like this with all of my friends. I talked to Kelsey today, and for the first time in forever, I felt like I should have been there to help her. Like, before, it was just agreeable that we were no longer best friends, and even though it sucked, it just happened, we let it happen. But when I was talking to her today, I realized that I shouldn't have let it happen. I do things to myself to take away the pain that I just as easily inflict onto others. Because in my mind it just solves everything. I do what I do because I hate myself, but my friends and family get struck down by this. And even though I know that it hurts them, I can't find a way out of it. My best friend, my boyfriend, my sister, get angry because I hate myself and out of spite I inflict cruel scars, and even though it scares the crap out of them, the addiction hurts more.
I've eaten for a week now. My hands shake, my body expands, and the more I eat, the more destroyed I feel. Even though everyone thinks I'm cured. The truth hides beneath my smile. And it sucks, because I can't tell anyone.
Now, I have a long rant.
I'm sorry. Jenn and I talked for a bit today, and now I just feel really guilty. See, she is in a whole crackload of pain, and this whole time I have just been self absorbed worrying about myself, when all I really should be doing is trying to help her get through the day. Really, when I think about it in a whole, I don't really have any problems that I can't cope with. I'm dealing with them all the best I can, I just have to deal with them and move on. I feel really bad now, because I'm like this with all of my friends. I talked to Kelsey today, and for the first time in forever, I felt like I should have been there to help her. Like, before, it was just agreeable that we were no longer best friends, and even though it sucked, it just happened, we let it happen. But when I was talking to her today, I realized that I shouldn't have let it happen. I do things to myself to take away the pain that I just as easily inflict onto others. Because in my mind it just solves everything. I do what I do because I hate myself, but my friends and family get struck down by this. And even though I know that it hurts them, I can't find a way out of it. My best friend, my boyfriend, my sister, get angry because I hate myself and out of spite I inflict cruel scars, and even though it scares the crap out of them, the addiction hurts more.
I've eaten for a week now. My hands shake, my body expands, and the more I eat, the more destroyed I feel. Even though everyone thinks I'm cured. The truth hides beneath my smile. And it sucks, because I can't tell anyone.