IC Journal entry, post-SCaRE
OOC: Ok, lemme just say that I had a hella-good time at SCaRE. I slept for, like, 12 hours straight afterwards, but it was worth it. Being that it was my 1st Cam con & my character is a social r-tard, it may have seemed otherwise, but I really did have lots of fun! And my character even had an epiphany of sorts! Read on, if you dare, & you shall see. But be warned; this is an in character entry, with all kinds of IC thingies and stuff! If I haven't told ya ICly, then you don't know it... so duh!
IC:
Journal Entry, 3-21-07
I seldom dare to hope, but I do believe that, after months of floundering, I have finally found a direction to point my new extended existence towards. Amazingly enough, it took the wake of a person I never met to help bring it into focus.
Through all the fear, pain and paranoia that has been my world since last October, this massive gathering of vampires added another ill sensation to the mix: uselessness. In the midst of multiple attacks by these creatures called Brood and their subsequent elimination, I could do little more beyond trace car tags and report back to those my information might benefit. Not that my help was deemed trivial in the least, but it felt so. I had to do something. The whole point of me attending this gathering was to try and become more aware and involved in this community of Kindred I have unwittingly joined, but perhaps I can put my knowledge towards better protecting this city from monsters such as the Brood, my sire... and myself. No innocent should have to suffer my fate, nor should they be forced to endure the terrors that those such as Indigo and Allen have.
I don't quite know what to do about this 'boon' situation. Allen has been more than apologetic about his intrusion into my mind, sharing with me many details about himself that I doubt he has ever divulged to anyone. He seems almost glad to have been punished into my service, such as it were; perhaps he's never had someone he felt he could trust with such things, or perhaps he, like Raven, sees me as something to protect, possibly in an effort to regain some of the humanity he has, they both have, lost. Even the enigmatic Papa Theo has taken a strange interest, and while I must say our conversations have been extremely interesting, I cannot say what it was that caused him to approach me in the first place, even divulging his long-past accidental slaying of an innocent while in a fit of frenzied hunger. Then again, he himself told me that, after the torpor sleep that many Kindred fall into, ones memory may be rearranged, even altered, as the mind seems to restructure itself. If this is so, then how can I fully trust anything I hear the elder ones speak of?
As for the conclave, I can say that, at the very least, I have seen now many more Kindred than I probably ever want to see in one place again. Most were frightening or just inane, but even through my social ineptitude I did meet a few interesting persons. First and foremost would be Navarre duMond, the current Prince of Orange County, CA. He was one of the very few who sat to speak with me without feeling the need to impress me with his position, and for that I was grateful. It would seem his principality, or city, is currently stuck between two others on the verge of war. It's almost unbelievable to think of a war within the states, let alone within one state. Perhaps it is a bit like a gang war over territory? Never the less, I do wish him luck, as I would like to speak with him again sometime.
Through Navarre I met another named Rumination, who talked me into my first ever tarot reading. Seeing as I had never put much stock in them before, I cannot say I am yet convinced. Rumination's reading of me could have been from a heightened vampiric intuition, but I could certainly be wrong. The descriptions he gave his cards seemed appropriate for me; coming from confusion, deception and trickery to a hopefully high position? Of course, I could be reading far too much into coincidence and psychological leading, but this was after I made my request to Cook and Rodrigo to be considered for position of Preatoriani, or Preatorian Guard.
Ah yes, my request. I could barely believe it myself as I spoke it, but it is something that has been in the back of my mind for some time. I just never fully recognized what it was until now. Until Georgia Perryman's wake, to be precise. I attended out of sheer curiosity and was amazed to discover how one woman could affect and move so many of these creatures, some of whom barely cling to their humanity on a nightly basis. To hear them speak of her in such a frank and sharing manner touched me in a way I had not thought possible. For a brief moment I forgot my fear and discomfort over my situation and simply listened, and the thought in the back of my mind took form. I realized that I wanted to do all I could to protect this city, not only from creatures such as Brood and Malphus, but from darkness in general.
Perhaps the statement made by Amy's strange friend, Rawhead, was correct; I am in an excellent position to protect the Masquerade. I was at first offended, feeling that my years of study and work had been compacted into a single, self-serving sentence. Now I think he was right, but not in the manner he initially meant. I am in a good position to not only protect the Masquerade, but to protect others from the Masquerade. While I may only have a few years at best to continue my work for the TPD, I have a veritable eternity ahead of me to find a direction. I hope, at least for now, I have found it. Now I must wait to see if Cook, Rodrigo and the others think I am up for the challenge, I suppose.
Perhaps if I where to divulge my sire's whereabouts? Then again, what good would it do, as 'P' would simply demand a replacement should they take him. Then again, if I can learn more about 'P' through my sire, I could prove myself, but to do so I must schedule another meeting, even if the very thought frightens me. It has to be done. Who knows; I might even get Fulcrum to truly teach me something without needing to descend to his level.
It feels a shame I never got to meet Ms. Perryman. As I understand it, my Embrace came shortly after her demise, within the same month, even. A pity; I think I might have liked her. I could have definitely learned from her. If, when my time comes, I am remembered even half as well as she, then perhaps I'll have done something right.
IC:
Journal Entry, 3-21-07
I seldom dare to hope, but I do believe that, after months of floundering, I have finally found a direction to point my new extended existence towards. Amazingly enough, it took the wake of a person I never met to help bring it into focus.
Through all the fear, pain and paranoia that has been my world since last October, this massive gathering of vampires added another ill sensation to the mix: uselessness. In the midst of multiple attacks by these creatures called Brood and their subsequent elimination, I could do little more beyond trace car tags and report back to those my information might benefit. Not that my help was deemed trivial in the least, but it felt so. I had to do something. The whole point of me attending this gathering was to try and become more aware and involved in this community of Kindred I have unwittingly joined, but perhaps I can put my knowledge towards better protecting this city from monsters such as the Brood, my sire... and myself. No innocent should have to suffer my fate, nor should they be forced to endure the terrors that those such as Indigo and Allen have.
I don't quite know what to do about this 'boon' situation. Allen has been more than apologetic about his intrusion into my mind, sharing with me many details about himself that I doubt he has ever divulged to anyone. He seems almost glad to have been punished into my service, such as it were; perhaps he's never had someone he felt he could trust with such things, or perhaps he, like Raven, sees me as something to protect, possibly in an effort to regain some of the humanity he has, they both have, lost. Even the enigmatic Papa Theo has taken a strange interest, and while I must say our conversations have been extremely interesting, I cannot say what it was that caused him to approach me in the first place, even divulging his long-past accidental slaying of an innocent while in a fit of frenzied hunger. Then again, he himself told me that, after the torpor sleep that many Kindred fall into, ones memory may be rearranged, even altered, as the mind seems to restructure itself. If this is so, then how can I fully trust anything I hear the elder ones speak of?
As for the conclave, I can say that, at the very least, I have seen now many more Kindred than I probably ever want to see in one place again. Most were frightening or just inane, but even through my social ineptitude I did meet a few interesting persons. First and foremost would be Navarre duMond, the current Prince of Orange County, CA. He was one of the very few who sat to speak with me without feeling the need to impress me with his position, and for that I was grateful. It would seem his principality, or city, is currently stuck between two others on the verge of war. It's almost unbelievable to think of a war within the states, let alone within one state. Perhaps it is a bit like a gang war over territory? Never the less, I do wish him luck, as I would like to speak with him again sometime.
Through Navarre I met another named Rumination, who talked me into my first ever tarot reading. Seeing as I had never put much stock in them before, I cannot say I am yet convinced. Rumination's reading of me could have been from a heightened vampiric intuition, but I could certainly be wrong. The descriptions he gave his cards seemed appropriate for me; coming from confusion, deception and trickery to a hopefully high position? Of course, I could be reading far too much into coincidence and psychological leading, but this was after I made my request to Cook and Rodrigo to be considered for position of Preatoriani, or Preatorian Guard.
Ah yes, my request. I could barely believe it myself as I spoke it, but it is something that has been in the back of my mind for some time. I just never fully recognized what it was until now. Until Georgia Perryman's wake, to be precise. I attended out of sheer curiosity and was amazed to discover how one woman could affect and move so many of these creatures, some of whom barely cling to their humanity on a nightly basis. To hear them speak of her in such a frank and sharing manner touched me in a way I had not thought possible. For a brief moment I forgot my fear and discomfort over my situation and simply listened, and the thought in the back of my mind took form. I realized that I wanted to do all I could to protect this city, not only from creatures such as Brood and Malphus, but from darkness in general.
Perhaps the statement made by Amy's strange friend, Rawhead, was correct; I am in an excellent position to protect the Masquerade. I was at first offended, feeling that my years of study and work had been compacted into a single, self-serving sentence. Now I think he was right, but not in the manner he initially meant. I am in a good position to not only protect the Masquerade, but to protect others from the Masquerade. While I may only have a few years at best to continue my work for the TPD, I have a veritable eternity ahead of me to find a direction. I hope, at least for now, I have found it. Now I must wait to see if Cook, Rodrigo and the others think I am up for the challenge, I suppose.
Perhaps if I where to divulge my sire's whereabouts? Then again, what good would it do, as 'P' would simply demand a replacement should they take him. Then again, if I can learn more about 'P' through my sire, I could prove myself, but to do so I must schedule another meeting, even if the very thought frightens me. It has to be done. Who knows; I might even get Fulcrum to truly teach me something without needing to descend to his level.
It feels a shame I never got to meet Ms. Perryman. As I understand it, my Embrace came shortly after her demise, within the same month, even. A pity; I think I might have liked her. I could have definitely learned from her. If, when my time comes, I am remembered even half as well as she, then perhaps I'll have done something right.