(no subject)
I cannot make things easier by pretending that I am fine as your pal you talk to every day. You cannot make wishes to me that you want us to be together again soon. You cannot ask me to go away with you. You cannot change overnight. You can tell me you love me, send me flowers and little notes about the times we've spent together, but nothing changes the fact that I am more hurt because of you. Because you lost your 2nd chance. During the time you should have redeemed yourself, you made it worse. While some days I feel I can laugh with you on the phone while you tell me stories, some days I feel like I want to drive really far, not telling anyone, and start my feelings over again. I have very much appeared to be okay as of late and that is not the truth. The real me wants to hang out with you and pretend bad things never happened. The real me wants to believe what you say: that you love me, that I am the one for you, that no one else can make you feel this way. But the truth is, I don't deserve what you've put me through. I don't deserve this pain. I know you'll meet someone someday, when your partying is through, and she'll love you just as hard as I have. And you won't hurt her... Because even though I have to let go of you, I will be okay someday. I will find love again because I have a lot to give, once I am ready someday. Someday I'll be okay. I won't let you make this any harder.