ooh at a super lover store
I am not moving. The first time I typed that it took me 5 minutes to do it and I had to close my eyes. I unfortunatly lost my last entry I had typed about this and so I have to do it again.
I have this bubbley sensation in my tummy that rises up in me until it reaches my lips and makes them quiver and my eyes squint up getting ready to bawl.. but I never get out more than a fast sob and a tear and then I dry up. Oh but how badly I wat to cry for myself. But I can't.
The reason for not going? Really it boils down to nothing working out AT ALL. The only thing I had going for me was the fact that I got the job. Yep that was it. I couldn't figure out how to get to work during the night hours when the bus didn't work, Couldn't find an apartment that met my needs and was affordable, I'd loose medicaid which would make my medicine prices go skyhigh (I'd loose it because I was making "to much". All bull but hey), I would not be making enough to afford myself I need more help now just cause my body is weaker now, and the phone company knows I tried to figure all this shit out with all the phone calls I made. Bubbley feeling is back.. breathe and it's gone. I wish I could just get it out.. but I feel like a failure. I feel like I let everybody down.. including myself. It hurts so much.
I do know I am hireable and so therefor I know this is not the end. Ok so that last sentence is a little hard for me to say right now because I am so sad but it give me a few days and I know I'll get there.
~Pooky
I have this bubbley sensation in my tummy that rises up in me until it reaches my lips and makes them quiver and my eyes squint up getting ready to bawl.. but I never get out more than a fast sob and a tear and then I dry up. Oh but how badly I wat to cry for myself. But I can't.
The reason for not going? Really it boils down to nothing working out AT ALL. The only thing I had going for me was the fact that I got the job. Yep that was it. I couldn't figure out how to get to work during the night hours when the bus didn't work, Couldn't find an apartment that met my needs and was affordable, I'd loose medicaid which would make my medicine prices go skyhigh (I'd loose it because I was making "to much". All bull but hey), I would not be making enough to afford myself I need more help now just cause my body is weaker now, and the phone company knows I tried to figure all this shit out with all the phone calls I made. Bubbley feeling is back.. breathe and it's gone. I wish I could just get it out.. but I feel like a failure. I feel like I let everybody down.. including myself. It hurts so much.
I do know I am hireable and so therefor I know this is not the end. Ok so that last sentence is a little hard for me to say right now because I am so sad but it give me a few days and I know I'll get there.
~Pooky