Dessert Theater results and 5 more poems written today...
Yeah, so, I didn't make it in.
I cried for 3 periods, where I seemed to have run out of tears. Everytime someone who did or didn't know what happened asked if I was alright, I answered them honestly and said no. Apparently, the judges did the whole pretending that I was getting in with a lot of other people who should have made it in, too, but I don't care. I left that day believing that I had gotten in, like the past 2 years. Then I get the denial letter today 7 minutes before the period ended and was shocked by the answer, tried as hard as I could to not cry, but wound up crying anyway. Sharee and Meg were talking to me, but I couldn't hear them, making promises and silly dreams and such. I was too in shock. And yes, go on, make fucking fun of me, but this is a serious thing to me. 6 MONTHS, WASTED. All for NOTHING. No, this did NOT happen for a reason, as Krystal kept trying to reassure me 3rd period and 11th period.
And I'm done. I'm still hurt, but I've no more tears to cry. So I'm going to put the 5 poems I wrote in my poem notebook today in here, then go back to typing up my story.
6
((Homeroom & 1st pd.))
Please don't touch me
There is no need
Because no matter how you touch me
I am completely empty.
There's a kind of hollowness inside
That snuck itself in one day
A kind of emotionless
That refuses to go away.
So if you do happen to touch me
You might find
A lack of response
Like something inside had withered and died.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7
((3rd pd.))
I cried today
Surprised I still knew how
I thought I had forgotten
I thought I would drown
In pent up tears
From all the times I held them back
Ignoring all my fears
But once again I was wrong
And the tears keep falling still
I thought I'd forgotten how to feel
I thought my emotions were gone
But this one little letter
Full of disappointment
Has brought the tears and emotions back
And everything that's happening
Seems just too real.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8
((3rd pd.))
I'm not sure how much more I can take
The stress is rising up
If things don't get better soon
Then I'll just about give up.
I'm tired of one disappointment after another
The constant sadness setting in
You'd think there's no happiness in my life
You'd think being happy would be a sin.
This constant pressure
Is starting to wear me down
Keeps pushing and pushing and pushing me
Is making me have strong doubts.
Why don't I have happiness
And why not mutual love?
Questions like these tear me apart,
The pieces floating away like doves.
I want to be free from this pain
I don't want to live like this
But the key to my cage of torment
Seems to be amiss.
Where is the key,
Where did my captor's hide it?
I want to get out
I want to get out...
I want to be free from this hell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9
((6th pd.))
They always say a girl is beautiful
Even with make-up all smudged and smeared
From dozens of tears...
Well, I guess I'm a special case
Because when my make-up is ruined on my face
I am unbearably ugly.
And in that moment when I look in the mirror,
Hair and make-up all in disarray,
I see nothing except ugliness and weakness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10
((7/8 pd.))
One day I realized that on my foundation
There was a small crack
I waved it aside and went on my way
Never knowing it would come back.
But more and more strenuous things
Caused the small crack to grow
Which split into a dozen other cracks
Disaster beginning to show.
I realized with fear my foundation was crackling
Beginning to collapse, and soon
But I had no idea how to stop it
All I could do was wish at the moon.
But the moon did nothing to help
As I began to spiral out of control
Down, down, down I went
Falling into what was a hole.
In this hole I couldn't see
Everything was pitch black
To climb back out of the hole
Was a thing I seemed to lack.
And meanwhile my foundation
Has been crumbled by now
All the cracks had weakened it severely
And left nothing but a pile of ruble on the ground.
I cried for 3 periods, where I seemed to have run out of tears. Everytime someone who did or didn't know what happened asked if I was alright, I answered them honestly and said no. Apparently, the judges did the whole pretending that I was getting in with a lot of other people who should have made it in, too, but I don't care. I left that day believing that I had gotten in, like the past 2 years. Then I get the denial letter today 7 minutes before the period ended and was shocked by the answer, tried as hard as I could to not cry, but wound up crying anyway. Sharee and Meg were talking to me, but I couldn't hear them, making promises and silly dreams and such. I was too in shock. And yes, go on, make fucking fun of me, but this is a serious thing to me. 6 MONTHS, WASTED. All for NOTHING. No, this did NOT happen for a reason, as Krystal kept trying to reassure me 3rd period and 11th period.
And I'm done. I'm still hurt, but I've no more tears to cry. So I'm going to put the 5 poems I wrote in my poem notebook today in here, then go back to typing up my story.
6
((Homeroom & 1st pd.))
Please don't touch me
There is no need
Because no matter how you touch me
I am completely empty.
There's a kind of hollowness inside
That snuck itself in one day
A kind of emotionless
That refuses to go away.
So if you do happen to touch me
You might find
A lack of response
Like something inside had withered and died.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7
((3rd pd.))
I cried today
Surprised I still knew how
I thought I had forgotten
I thought I would drown
In pent up tears
From all the times I held them back
Ignoring all my fears
But once again I was wrong
And the tears keep falling still
I thought I'd forgotten how to feel
I thought my emotions were gone
But this one little letter
Full of disappointment
Has brought the tears and emotions back
And everything that's happening
Seems just too real.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8
((3rd pd.))
I'm not sure how much more I can take
The stress is rising up
If things don't get better soon
Then I'll just about give up.
I'm tired of one disappointment after another
The constant sadness setting in
You'd think there's no happiness in my life
You'd think being happy would be a sin.
This constant pressure
Is starting to wear me down
Keeps pushing and pushing and pushing me
Is making me have strong doubts.
Why don't I have happiness
And why not mutual love?
Questions like these tear me apart,
The pieces floating away like doves.
I want to be free from this pain
I don't want to live like this
But the key to my cage of torment
Seems to be amiss.
Where is the key,
Where did my captor's hide it?
I want to get out
I want to get out...
I want to be free from this hell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9
((6th pd.))
They always say a girl is beautiful
Even with make-up all smudged and smeared
From dozens of tears...
Well, I guess I'm a special case
Because when my make-up is ruined on my face
I am unbearably ugly.
And in that moment when I look in the mirror,
Hair and make-up all in disarray,
I see nothing except ugliness and weakness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10
((7/8 pd.))
One day I realized that on my foundation
There was a small crack
I waved it aside and went on my way
Never knowing it would come back.
But more and more strenuous things
Caused the small crack to grow
Which split into a dozen other cracks
Disaster beginning to show.
I realized with fear my foundation was crackling
Beginning to collapse, and soon
But I had no idea how to stop it
All I could do was wish at the moon.
But the moon did nothing to help
As I began to spiral out of control
Down, down, down I went
Falling into what was a hole.
In this hole I couldn't see
Everything was pitch black
To climb back out of the hole
Was a thing I seemed to lack.
And meanwhile my foundation
Has been crumbled by now
All the cracks had weakened it severely
And left nothing but a pile of ruble on the ground.